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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to expect the staff in my son's reception class to help him pull his trousers up!!

150 replies

BrieVanDerKamp · 07/09/2009 18:31

My son has been going to school for 3 days, he is only just 4.

He has come out of school everyday with a wedgy and his boxers rolled over and over so it's all waistband and no pants IYSWIM.

Of course this is uncomfortable and it leaves an indented red ring around his waist.

Today his trousers were almost on sideways with his fly open.

You'd think they would help him, he also has a problem with one of his wrists (which they're aware of), the two bones in his forearm are fused together which allows no movement of his wrist, obviously this is a factor in him being able to do certain things.

Now his school won't help with the wiping of bottoms (I can kind of understand that) nor will they apply suncream etc.......but you'd think they could help him pull his bloody pants and trousers up FFS, bearing in mind that the new parents were assured that whilst they are new in school the kids would be supervised in the toilet!!

I will mention it tomorrow at school, but wondered if anyone else thought it was a bit off.

OP posts:
seeker · 08/09/2009 12:24

catsmother - don't worry. All schools do this - it's always Chinese whispers 'friend of a friend' stuff that says teachers aren't allowed to cuddle any more.

I challenge ANYONE to tell me of a infant teacher who has said "I am not allowed to cuddle the children in my care". I feel like that guy who's offered a million pounds to anyone who can give him definitive proof of the existence of ghosts!

StripeyKnickersSpottySocks · 08/09/2009 12:27

Asda and sometimes m&s sell elasticated waist school trousers. My DD is 8 and dyspraxic and can't manage trouser zips so still has elasticated waist trousers.

Original poster
BrieVanDerKamp · 08/09/2009 12:31

I'm not sure if the school would allow joggers, never seen any kids wearing them, but I may ask.

It is the trucks that he wears......the stretchy, lycra boxer thingys. They're just so much better for him than pants.

PS it's not that the leg of the boxer rides up, it's that he doesn't pull them up correctly and the legs are rolled over and over the waist band LOL. I think even if I were to try him in pants it would be the same issue, so since for other reasons he's better in trunks I'll keep him in them.

OP posts:
stellamel · 08/09/2009 12:37

YANBU your post made me feel really upset for your DS. I am sick of the ruddy excuses that are trotted out left right and centre nowadays on why someone can't help someone else, not allowed, H&S blah blah blah. They should look after children properly when they are in their care and stop moaning about 30 in a class etc. He's only just 4 FFS! poor little thing. If you noticed the state of his clothes then so should they.

mathanxiety - you should be ashamed of that post

diddl · 08/09/2009 12:43

Pants have less material, so might be easier.
Have you tried at all?

Is he being offered help and refusing?

themildmanneredjanitor · 08/09/2009 12:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

seeker · 08/09/2009 12:47

"YANBU your post made me feel really upset for your DS. I am sick of the ruddy excuses that are trotted out left right and centre nowadays on why someone can't help someone else, not allowed, H&S blah blah blah. They should look after children properly when they are in their care and stop moaning about 30 in a class etc."

Like what, precisely?

themildmanneredjanitor · 08/09/2009 12:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

diddl · 08/09/2009 12:59

Not saying this applies to the OP and her son,but some children seem to do less for themselves as parents are in a rush & do it themselves to make it quicker.
When I was at school, in the Winter, us girls usually wore woolly tights, and could manage those well enough.

BalloonSlayer · 08/09/2009 13:06

Agree with TMMJ.

Why are boxers better for your DS, Brie?

My DS1 has a couple of pairs and always gets into a comical mess with them, has permanent wedgie etc. He is 9. I am trying to get rid of them.

Maybe a slightly larger size of brief than he needs might be easier to pull up. Does he sit down to wee BTW? I am not sure of the proportion who sit down or stand up at that age, but if he's sitting down to wee at the mo it could help if he stands up, then he just has to lower his trousers and pants a tad to get his willie out.

Did you ask today if they can check/help him? I expect they'll just say "Oh, OK, no problem."

EyeballsintheSky · 08/09/2009 13:09

I haven't read the whole thread, so shoot me. But I think it's a very very sad state of affairs when a 4yo is left to fend for themselves on something so basic as this. School sounds like a miserable place to be in these days and I also don't like the judginess that creeps in, expecting children to be able to do x y and z by a certain age. children aren't like that. DD doesn't start school for another 3 years so heaven knows what sort of situation she'll be going into

And classes have always had 30 children in. Since when is that an excuse?

stickylittlefingers · 08/09/2009 13:17

I don't think it is much to ask to expect an infant teacher and the TAs at that level to be caring, and the situation OP describes sounds like they either don't or haven't been given the opportunity to look after the children properly.

I think the wrist problem is entirely irrelevant - at that age kids are easily distracted and get themselves into difficulties ( I had to stop DD going to school in her pyjama top (with all the other uniform on top!) today - seems Barbie was suddenly more interesting and she missed a bit. It happens and children should not be humiliated or made to feel uncomfortable.

I am on your behalf, OP, and really hope this doesn't happen again.

SoupDragon · 08/09/2009 13:20

There was a boy with cerebral palsy in DSs school who wore joggers because he found them easier to manage. I don't see how they can refuse if they're in the right colour and it is for a particular reason, not just laziness.

I think it's what makes boxers easier for your DS which is causing the bunching under trousers - the looseness. They're easier to pull up than pants but a bugger to pull trouser over if you're less dexterous/practised.

SoupDragon · 08/09/2009 13:21

Would pants in a size up work - looser fitting and thus easier to pull up but lacking the legs which (IMO) cause the bunching problem.

mmrsceptic · 08/09/2009 13:45

eyeballs, of course there should be expectations of children's development

smee · 08/09/2009 13:57

Seeker, you're a star for exploding myths. Our school is very kind and helps the lo's too, but the key is that they also try and encourage them to be independent. Isn't it all about knowing the children in your care and seeing them as individuals. For example I have tried everything in my power to teach DS to put his socks on, but for some reason it's always been a huge issue. He can do it now, but in reception the staff at school didn't belittle him, or ignore him, they took time to watch him try/ helped him when he failed and he didn't feel daft or stupid and certainly wasn't ignored. That's what I'd expect of people caring for a four year old though. Is that really so odd? I'd say Brie sort them out. Your lo's not that unusual in terms of finding getting dressed tricky, and the wrist bone problem gives the school no room to argue I'd say. If they don't listen, then are you sure it's the right school..?

mmrsceptic · 08/09/2009 14:08

also there is truth in the fact that some children will do things for a teacher that they won't do for their mums so I accept there is a role for the teacher here too

OtterInaSkoda · 08/09/2009 14:09

smee (other than your son's sock skills, which I can't vouch for ) I agree 100% with everything you've said. Talk to the school. If they're that bad, look elsewhere perhaps.

Romanarama · 08/09/2009 14:10

I get elastic trousers for my 7yo too, so that going to the loo in a rush is never an issue. Boden do 3-packs of elastic belts too, which I rely on for the same reason.

seeker · 08/09/2009 14:25

I'm c and ping my myth busting post for anyone who missed it - interested to see if anyone can accept my challenge!

"I challenge ANYONE to tell me of a infant teacher who has said "I am not allowed to cuddle the children in my care". I feel like that guy who's offered a million pounds to anyone who can give him definitive proof of the existence of ghosts!"

etchasketch · 08/09/2009 14:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

madamearcati · 08/09/2009 14:40

I am trained as a TA but work voluntarily in my local reception class at the moment.We would definitely help sort out a child who was uncomfortable (with the child's permission ie 'would you like me to help you sort your trousers out?'and do it where there were other people about.
these seeminly insignificant little difficulties can be a big deal to children and becone a barrier to learning.
i am sure if you mention it to the staff they will see to it in future.

Scarletibis · 08/09/2009 14:46

seeker, my children's playgroup sent out a letter for parents to sign which basically gave them (the pg staff) permission to cuddle the children .

EyeballsintheSky · 08/09/2009 15:28

mmrsceptic, yes of course there can be a general expectation, but not set in stone and people here (generally speaking) can be very quick to jump on someone when their child isn't up to the same level. It happened on a thread a couple of weeks back. So one little 4yo can't (for a particular reason) sort himself out properly, the answer is to let him get on with it because by 4 years old he should be able to do it himself? That's the attitude I don't like.

diddl · 08/09/2009 15:33

I think the problem is that you can´t really help a child with their pants and trousers.
Either they do it or you do.
He´s doing it himself.
Perhaps he doesn´t want things adjusting.
He might be OK with having things twisted.

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