to expect the staff in my son's reception class to help him pull his trousers up!!

[BrieVanDerKamp]

My son has been going to school for 3 days, he is only just 4.

He has come out of school everyday with a wedgy and his boxers rolled over and over so it's all waistband and no pants IYSWIM.

Of course this is uncomfortable and it leaves an indented red ring around his waist.

Today his trousers were almost on sideways with his fly open.

You'd think they would help him, he also has a problem with one of his wrists (which they're aware of), the two bones in his forearm are fused together which allows no movement of his wrist, obviously this is a factor in him being able to do certain things.

Now his school won't help with the wiping of bottoms (I can kind of understand that) nor will they apply suncream etc.......but you'd think they could help him pull his bloody pants and trousers up FFS, bearing in mind that the new parents were assured that whilst they are new in school the kids would be supervised in the toilet!!

I will mention it tomorrow at school, but wondered if anyone else thought it was a bit off.

Gosh....this thread really reminds me why I was so insistent on moving back to the usa when my ds was ready to start kindergarten. He is almost 9 and still does a pretty poor job of dressing himself. That's not to say that I do it for him, but his mind is just not on getting his clothes on right way round...but he can explain the Big Bang Theory in intricate detail with the vocabulary of an adult (I take no credit for that skill either....I give it all to Google).

Anyway, to the OP....you can get lovely black brushed cotton trousers with elasticated waists for less than £5 at Primark. I get my dh to bring them back for my ds. Other thing you could do is put him in sweat pants (I forget what you call them in the uk). I don't know if they are allowed, but it's what all the american parents dress their boys in. I'm not a fan of the look, but they certainly would be much easier for your ds to handle with his dodgy wrist. Have a friend whose son has club foot and she has rheumatoid arthritis, so with that combination the only shoes that he can wear are crocs (because he can slip them on himself) and she got special permission from the school for him to be allowed to wear them even though they are banned (because they are a trip hazard, not because they are god awful ugly).

Is it possible that the children are asked if they would like help/straightening out and have refused?

"Suspect a lot of it is due to rules preventing teachers and TAs etc from touching. I remember once being told my one of the TAs at my DDs infant school that they were no longer allowed to touch the kids, help in the loo, cuddle them etc etc in case they were sued by angry parents."

It's so sad that this myth is being perpetuated. It's not true, honestly. There are no rules like this and if your school says there are then challenge them. Of course teachers can touch and cuddle! What a sad barren infant class it would be with no cuddles!!!

OK first of all thank you,herecomesthesciencebint, lweisfan, discoball, lovelylulu, pranma, jodieo, goldensunset........it was nice to have supportive comments rather than the spitfulness I had before.

Ok for all of you who may have missed previous posts about his clothes.........he's my son, I obviously know him best, boxers are best for him, not pants. Cannot get non fly, fully elasticated, pull up trousers despite you "refusing to believe" I couldn't find any, my ds is extreamly tall for his age and the pull on trousers generally stop at about age 6, which is not big enough. I had to get older trousers which then had to have the waist and legs altered, hence the cost.

Actually I'm thinking getting a couple of pairs made for him, just get the fabic and get someone to make them nice and loose with just an elasticated waist.

CAT64, I think it is absolutly DISGUSTING of you to suggest that as his "mother who should know him best" I should make things easier for him not more difficult..............Read all my previous post, I have stated what is best for him and I DO WHAT IS BEST FOR HIM.

BrieVan - How does your DS manage at home?

School outfit shops, do trousers in bigger sizes with elasticated waists and precise inside leg measurements. More expensive than usual, but worth it.

blimey brie this is aibu, you are very steamy

the level of anger you are directing at staff is really unjustified that's why i think yabu

i'm sure every single person on this thread would have helped your little kid, they are not monsters

I didn't think I was spiteful

and here here seeker, we have always cuddled our LO's. AND helped them.

And I found this for you, don't know if it's any use at all but they go up to age 8.

7/8 elasticate waist school trousers 4.99 here

lol, that's the link I just posted.

Of course you are not being unreasonable. It isn't much fun for the little chap to be that uncomfortable.

I would say though, that you don't know for sure how long he had been all tied up in his trousers. In our school they get the children to go to the toilet and wash their hands just before they go home so he might not have been like that long and certainly not long enough for the school to notice.

I also think that when a teacher is organising the children they quite often focus on the whole class, not on single children. They won't see an individual child and their wardrobe malfunctions.

DS1 has dyspraxia and has trouble with getting dressed so I do understand about teachers expecting more than our boys can deliver (DS1 at aged 5 got told off for not being able to do his own seat belt up on a coach trip even though he found it difficult and had never had to do it before - a whole other thread if it weren't water long under the bridge). However, I do think you need to cut the teachers some slack if you haven't mentioned your DSs problems with getting dressed specifically. They can't check each child individually - there isn't the time.

I definitely agree about the trousers. I think Mothercare also do them without zips up to about age 6.

I know what you mean about the boxers being rolled over and over, my ds used to look like a sumo wrestler. He only wears pants on PE day (he has other problems) i do find he copes better with pants rather than boxers.

My ds5 has special needs and as cruel as it may sound, i basically left him to get on with it for the first 6 months and anything that was still a problem after 6 months, i then took it up with the school.

I don't think I was spiteful either. I thought the fly was the issue because that is what you mentioned in your OP so I suggested adjustable waisted non fly trousers and posted a link to some that can be bought for £7 online but then you said the fly wasn't the issue.

DS1 had a pair of boxers once. Even I couldn't pull his trouser up without them bunching up. I threw them out.

I do know what OP means about pants versus boxers and getting them up, pants just seem to "roll" but boxers can be "bunchy" what about fitted boxers?

M and S do long leg lengths as well as elasticated waists.

They are all a bit of a shambles, clothes wise, in reception - it's par for the course.

I don't think he 'should' be able to do it, nor do I think he's an 'invalid'. I simply pointed out that schools have these rules and restrictions nowadays and if he's having trouble then you may need to put it in writing that you wish him to have X, Y, Z help.

I had to do that for my 'invalids'.

And that's where my "If he needs care/support above and beyond what you'd normally expect of someone his age, is that not a case for some funded support?" comes from.

My own 'invalids' are perfectly wonderful, normal, bright children who happen to need help in areas that most kids don't. If a child needs more help - and I think a physical condition that makes basic things like pulling trousers up more difficult counts as needing more help than a child who doesn't have that! - then there's nothing wrong with seeing if any help is going to be forthcoming.

my eldest, as well as the autism, has erbs palsy. - partially paralysed arm - he needs extra help to do things and his 1:1 can do this.

i know my ds found baggier clothes easier to manage, so can see why boxers probably help a bit.

I think you need to spend some time practising with him at home, trying to see if he can gradually learn to do it himself.

I also think you need to try to start teaching him to ask for help himself and also to say when he can't do things. I found at that age it is harder for them to recognise their limitations and actually speak up. Soon as I managed to get ds to start saying 'I can't do this because I have x' he started getting a hell of a lot more support.

I think the beginning of term is hard for teachers, and hopefully things will improve as everything settles down. ds1 is 7 and his support has all broken down atm, while his new teachers get to grips with what he can and cant do. I will keep giving gentle reminders until they get the message!

I really think it is more to do with having 30 4yos to deal with. Most of those, left to it, will get on with it and eventually do it themselves. The teacher needs letting know that this may not work for your son.

I send my boy to school in a clean shirt/jumper/ironed shorts. Collar turned out properly, shirt tucked in etc.

When I pick him up he looks like he has gone 6 rounds with an enraged tiger with claws made of markers.

Are you sure he is actually uncomfortable? DS often has things twisted and back to front and sideways etc and as far as I can tell he doesn't seem to care (or notice) for that matter.

We do boxers as well, he doesn't like briefs.

I would ask him if it hurts when he trousers are like that, if not - then forget about it, he will figure it out. If yes, then you need to ask a teacher and tell him to ask a teacher for help.

Agree with Hectates, if you feel your ds needs care/support above and beyond what you'd normally expect of someone his age, then you should let the school know, if you dont tell them, they wont help.

Im assuming because of his wrist, he would also having trouble getting changed for PE etc. My ds gets help when he goes to the toilet, but he wouldnt have got this, unless i told them what his problems are.

Does he have to wear school uniform? My ds's school is not that strict about it. Or could you maybe send him in joggers?

Ds often comes home with his shoes on the wrong feet or his sweatshirt and polo shirt on back to front.

I'd just have a calm quiet word with the school about it.

DD went to preschool in back to front trousers today. She takes ages to stop daydreaming and start getting dressed in the morning, so I just let her carry on like that!

Having read all this I am really, genuinely grateful that my 5 year old daughter (just started year 1) went through nursery and reception class, where, from what I witnessed and, from what my daughter told me, the staff did appear to take small kindnesses re: personal care and comfort in their stride ...... wiping bums, helping with shoes, PE kits, etc etc., and didn't recoil if a child ran up them for a hug.

Of course, like most parents, I want my daughter to be able to do these things for herself and haven't stinted on teaching her, as well as buying clothes and shoes I thought she could manage herself most of the time. But at 3 or 4 - they really are still babies in many ways, and on occasion, they either forget how to do things, or are engrossed in playing, or are distracted by another child, or maybe feeling under the weather, or whatever ...... with the end result that they do end up with rucked up clothes or plimsolls on the wrong feet and so on. I accept that in a large class, stuff like this won't always be noticed but I am horrified to think that if it was noticed, there are some teachers/assistants who'd still do nothing to help ..... which seems to be the experience of some of you.
Really sad.

What about asking the school if they would let him wear jogging pants in the appropriate colour until he gets enough dexterity to manage the school trousers? Easy solution all round.

It doesn't take much to say 'Now X are you all done or do you think you should take a moment to straighten yourself up to be more comfortable?'.
Brie, try trunks.
DS (14) has wrist problems (amongst his many other ishoos) and has actually just had an osteotomy and tendon transfer to try ot improve wrist/hand function.
Trunks are closer fitting than boxers, but not as close as pants, and they don't have flarey legs which encourage the bunching. Also easier to 'feel the fit' if you see what I mean.