Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think sometimes parents make a bigger deal of starting school than their DC?

73 replies

fufflebum · 07/09/2009 10:46

Having just returned from dropping my DD off for her first morning at school it occured to me that as parents sometimes we can make more of a fuss than our children.

While I do appreciate that starting school is a significant life event in many ways having just left my DD I was suprised at how big a deal some of the parents seem to make it.

I was lucky that DD was really excited and was looking forward to starting but we have been very low key about starting school. We have talked about it in a very factual way and my DD seemed quite well adjusted about it as a consequence. She had tried on uniform and so forth and talked about what she thought it might be like. However, when I arrived at the school their were parents taking photos of their kids in front of the school gate. Dad, Mum and gran/grandad were their too. Is it any suprise that kids get anxious???

Is it just me that think sometimes such behaviour is unhelpful for our children???

OP posts:
KeithTalent · 07/09/2009 10:47

Oh god, I completely agree.

izzybiz · 07/09/2009 10:48

Me too!!

Scorps · 07/09/2009 10:48

YANBU

I have just dropped ds2 off for his first day too, and saw the photos/granny/aunty 100 times removed fussing them

MarshaBrady · 07/09/2009 10:51

yanbu There was a dad jumping around the small classroom taking photos, really annoying.

smee · 07/09/2009 10:51

Me too - it's massive in some ways but some parents definitely make it ten times worse. We've reached the heady heights of year one and it's still no better. First day this morning, one woman clutching her DD's hand saying how wonderful the holidays were and how she didn't want school to start. Not surprisingly her daughter was crying, poor lo..

FranSanDisco · 07/09/2009 10:52

I agree entirely. Weeping mums being prised away from classroom windows, then wondering why their child starts wailing or hanging off door frames saying goodbye for 10 minutes while blocking the entrance for the rest of us trying to shove our 'babies' in . FFS get a grip.

sweethoney · 07/09/2009 10:54

I do agree that there are lots of parent who go way OTT when their DC start school. But if some parents want to take a few photos to remember the occasion then that can't be such a bad thing.
I took a photo of my DC at home in their uniform before they started, maybe outside the gate is a bit much, but I'd much rather take the photos then regret not having taken them in years to come.

LaurieFairyCake · 07/09/2009 10:55

Taking a quick photo fine, emotional incontinence not acceptable.

I cried after dd went, not when she was there.

curiositykilled · 07/09/2009 10:56

Not sure whether you are or are not reasonable. My DS was really sad this morning cos he missed his granny and wanted her to come but she was at work and we already had DD, DH, XP and me!

I suspect unreasonable for assuming your way of doing things would be best for everyone ust because it's best for you.

I suppose some children would like the support, some children are not really very bothered and some children would just like the attention. My DS would like the support and my DD would like the attention so I'm guessing they'd be happiest having all that came plus grandparents and aunties if they could.

ThingOne · 07/09/2009 10:56

YANBU at all! But nowt wrong with photos. I treasure my first day at school photo 38 years later. Although leaping around the classroom seems a bit much.

I do realise that some children are upset, despite their parents' best efforts.

FranSanDisco · 07/09/2009 10:58

The year before dd started the teachers had asked weeping parents to leave. I felt bad for being so happy and tried to squeeze a tear out as I walked home.

shootfromthehip · 07/09/2009 10:58

YANBU- I made a much bigger deal of DD starting school than she did. Having been a SAHm for the past 5 1/2 yrs I felt that it was the end of something lovely rather than the beginning of something amazing iykwim.

She was fine, I on the other hand, cried like a baby after dropping her off

nickytwotimes · 07/09/2009 10:59

Yanbu.
Ds has just started nursery and dh and I were up to high doe worrying about the 'trauma' for him. He just thinks it is 2.5 hours of fun a day and loves it.
Photos are fine, but I agree, it is Bad Show to weep in front of the kids. Jeezo! Tears on the way home only!

Original poster
fufflebum · 07/09/2009 11:05

Thanks everyone I thought it was just me!!!!!

We took a photo yesterday of the school uniform etc and showed neighbour and so forth. Shed a tear etc yesterday. Of course I understand that some parents and kids want everyone there but it does make it a bit crowded for everyone else!!!!

I wonder what the teachers think of it all.....

OP posts:
diddl · 07/09/2009 11:07

I don´t think enough fuss is made.
I don´t mean weeping and wailing, of course.
Here it´s a big thing.
On the first day we all went to church (optional.)
Then off to school.
The children all sit together at the front.
Older children put on a "show".
Then the new ones are called by their teachers & go to their rooms.
They meet the teachers & each other-each has to stnd up & say hello I´m....
This takes about 11/2 hours.
The parents stay in the hall chatting, having coffee, cake, late breakfast provided by & served by the parents of the children who started the year before.

This happens the first day of primary & secondary school.

fruitful · 07/09/2009 11:10

I attempted to take a photo of ds1 in his new uniform (at home, last week) but he wouldn't let me.

Then this morning I parked him in his line in the playground and asked if he wanted me to stay and wave him in. "No, go away" he said.

I'd love to make a big fuss

Still, it was useful, 'cos it meant I could go up the other end of the school to the yr3 class where dd did actually want me with her ...

FabBakerGirlIsBack · 07/09/2009 11:10

YABU

It is a big deal for lots of people when their children start school and I wouldn't be too cocky just yet. Lots of kids go in for the first day with no problem and then day 2,3, 4 etc when they realise they have to go every day.

FranSanDisco · 07/09/2009 11:11

Where's here?

Itsjustafleshwound · 07/09/2009 11:15

YABU

It is a big event for both child and parent. How people want to mark it is irrelevant !!

smee · 07/09/2009 11:15

I was curious too - it does sound very lovely and welcoming diddl, but if my DS had had to stand up and tell everyone his name on day one he's have been a gibbering wreck ..

GreensleevesFlouncedLikeAKnob · 07/09/2009 11:17

meanie OP

it IS a big deal for some people, let them do it whichever way is best for them!

Original poster
fufflebum · 07/09/2009 11:20

Sorry FabBakerGirlisBack if it sounded cocky it was not meant too. My DD was excited this morning and I am fully expecting a wobble in a few days or couple of weeks time when the reality of it kicks in. I just did not see the need to make the fuss about it this morning. We marked the event and so forth but I was trying to see it from the CHILDS point of view. It is ok to make a fuss but not if it is transferring your own anxieties on to your kids.

OP posts:
FabBakerGirlIsBack · 07/09/2009 11:21

And how do you know people were transferring their anxieties onto their children?

JodieO · 07/09/2009 11:23

I've wondered this too. My dd and ds1 were both fine when they started school, I didn't cry or make a fuss. We took photos at home and talked about school etc and they didn't have any problems; which I'm pleased about. Dd is now in year 3 and ds1 year 1; ds2 won't be starting for another 2 years so have a while with him yet.

GreensleevesFlouncedLikeAKnob · 07/09/2009 11:25

Are you then so amazingly empathic that you can put yourself automatically into the minds of all those strangers' children? Do you have telepathic super-powers?

No.

You have no idea how the other children felt and how their parents' behaviour affected them.

I walked to school on my own for my first day at a new school when I was 6

there was another little girl crying and not wanting to go in and her mum was holding her, stroking her hair etc, clearly not intending to leave until she had settled down - you probably would have sneered at her. I just wished my mum had been there to do the same.

Stop making outrageously stupid judgements about others and get on with your own life.

Swipe left for the next trending thread