to think sometimes parents make a bigger deal of starting school than their DC?

[fufflebum]

Having just returned from dropping my DD off for her first morning at school it occured to me that as parents sometimes we can make more of a fuss than our children.

While I do appreciate that starting school is a significant life event in many ways having just left my DD I was suprised at how big a deal some of the parents seem to make it.

I was lucky that DD was really excited and was looking forward to starting but we have been very low key about starting school. We have talked about it in a very factual way and my DD seemed quite well adjusted about it as a consequence. She had tried on uniform and so forth and talked about what she thought it might be like. However, when I arrived at the school their were parents taking photos of their kids in front of the school gate. Dad, Mum and gran/grandad were their too. Is it any suprise that kids get anxious???

Is it just me that think sometimes such behaviour is unhelpful for our children???

Glad she was okay hazey. Actually I didn't think you were all that harsh, though Greensleeves, seems to be taking it onto another level . If you read the OP's post she doesn't say starting school isn't a big deal, and acknowledges she was lucky that her lo was okay with it. I happen to agree with her that some parents do make it harder, but each child is different and we all do what we think's best. No need for teeth nashing though surely

There really isn't any need for teeth gnashing.

But then has anybody actually seen any at school drop off?

I always thought the photos were a fun thing, to make it more exciting and positive, not something that would bring on weeping.

yes none of my DC ever wept when photo was taken.

I always saved tears for when I had left the school tbh.

One pal of mine is sending her 3rd and final child to school this year - she has 3 in consecutive years! I imagine she will have been dancing down the path this morning!!

I think you are being very unreasonable.

I am speaking as an ex rec teacher and somebody who has dropped 3 dc off at their 1st day of school in one year -my twins last Sep and dd today.

I cried today,my youngest started and it's the end of an era. Today was a day I never thought I'd see as it was a long battle for me to have children. DP came and so did my dad. The day meant a lot to us and dd. She was soooo excited last night she couldn't sleep. Not one of us wanted to miss it and why should we exactly?

As well as being sad that my baby was all grown up I was excited for her as school is such a big step in a child's life. I want my dd to value education and know how important school is, something many children don't have the luxury of enjoying. I feel myself,dp and her grandad making a big thing of today helped to start her appreciation of education.

Her headmaster and teacher came out to greet us all and their were many parents with wet eyes,it was lovely everybody was excited for them all. Not one child cried.

As a teacher I like most others welcomed a celebratory attitude to the 1st day. I don't think a "couldn't give a shit" attitude it's just another day in any way benefits kids. They need to know school is a big deal and that parents value it and are excited by it.

Where are you OP, why am I defending you?! Mila great for you and great that your lo was so excited. Sounds like a wonderful start for her and all of you, but actually I can't see how you translate the OP's post to her advocating a 'couldn't give a shit' attitude. She acknowledged starting school was a big deal didn't she? And surely at some point as a teacher you must have seen parents handle the whole school starting thing badly. I think that's all the OP was saying wasn't it?

YANBU a good friend of mine actually did this, her DS2 started 3 weeks ago in Scotland.

First day, Mum, Dad, Granny, Grandpa and Auntie. Totally OTT they took over the playground, if everyone had that many people you wouldn't be able to see the children.

No I haven't seen parents handle things badly. In all my years of teaching I've never seen parents in rec,Y1 or Y2 wailing,gnashing teeth and setting off kids crying.

Funnily enough most of the kids that do cry are often those with parents that dump and run,those that don't even bother to help them find their peg on the 1st day.

I'm sorry but being 'low key' about school is not good enough. School is a big deal,well it is to the kids and their teachers. I think if more parents in this country put a bit more emphasis on it's importance and gave it more respect like they do in other European countries(where I might add literacy levels are far higher than ours) it may help to curb a lot of the problems we see further up.

But she wasn't saying that Mila, that's my point. OP describes starting school as 'a significant life event'. I'd doubt you'd find anyone on here who would say school isn't a big deal.

Not exactly sure what the problem is of having several adults in the playground on just one very important morning.

Seeing all the grandparents there just makes all the kids realise what a special day it is.

Our school has done such a great transition process(like most other schools)the kids have been in and out of the building,know their teacher,know the other kids and even know most of the other adults.

Not exactly a big deal is it

OP said she had "been very low key" about it,that would give the impression of school not being a big deal.

If she wants to give that impression that's her choice,she can't berate parents for not doing the same.

So she doesn't want to take a picture at the school gate, not exactly traumatizing is it if other parents choose to do so.I didn't but if other parents want to I certainly wouldn't begrudge them. It most certainly didn't affect my dd. She was too busy prancing around in her new school shoes.

"Low key" does not mean "don't give a shit" (pure exaggeration) or even not making a big deal of school.

The first day of school does not an education make. Lots of parents can be quietly proud of their children on their first day and still fully support their children's education for the next decade or so.

Low key is not the same as quietly proud.

Showing any emotion other than that deemed to be acceptable to the op is described as making "a fuss".

Op seemed to be critical of "how big a deal" some parents make it which indicates she advocates sending the message that school is not a big deal.

I read "how big a deal" as in relation to the first day of school, not in relation to how the OP feels about her child's education. I think you are extrapolating.

I am so worked up about my DD starting nursery tomorrow, I can't sleep.

She is a very confidant and friendly child who has been telling everyone for months that she is going to nursery when she is three.

She had a little wobble last week when she was told (after asking) that I wouldn't be staying with her, but overall she is doing well and I hope will be happy tomorrow.

I am a gibbering wreak (not in front of her). Will they look after her, make sure she eats, goes to the toilet, puts a coat on outside. Will they be able to calm her when she gets upset and deal with her interesting sharing toys policies.

I trust my parents with my children but to trust a total stranger with her when they are not getting paid by me. To them she just 1 of 30 children, to me she is a precious and I need to be sure she will be happy at school.

Anyhow...calm down...off to bed again. Bags packed, uniform ready and tomorrow night I'll have a nice glass of wine to celebrate her first day and I won't be crying damm it.

In response to the OP no you are not being unreasonable at all. Yes it is a significant (and anxiety provoking) event for parents but most (not all) children seem to take it in their stride.
It was all very low key round our way one or two dads but no hordes of family members and papparazzi style photography.
Having been to a meeting, an induction, had a home visit and having a 'meet the teacher' morning one week in I am inclined to think there is a bit of overkill. Maybe my advanced age has clouded my memory but I don't recall this sort of thing when I started school.
I am obviously cruel and heartless and will be one of those skipping merrily down the path when DD starts school in 3 years time.

I have to admit I did partake of some merry skipping after drop off.

'more emphasis on it's importance and gave it more respect like they do in other European countries'

That would be 'its', not 'it's', Mila, wouldn't it? ;)

IN Europe they are much more hands-off with their children. Quite small children go to school alone, using public transport. There is certainly little cossetting in French schools, much more 'dump and run'.

My ds hid in the wardrobe for the first 2 weeks of school, if i thought taking grandparents, husband, aunts, cousins and a camera would have helped, i would have taken them all for sure!

I never did a school drop off! Not even on the first day. My kids go to school on the bus and the school asked that we put our p1s on to the bus from the first day. Each bus is met by a teacher and the p1s taken to the hall.

We got excited about school, took loads of pictures at home before they left, etc ... then put them on the bus. I was excited for them, too. But it was low key. I don't agree that low-key means not taking it seriously, it just means not going OTT, which we tend not to do about most things!

YABU

I hated the thought of my dd starting school! I just couldn't imagine her being there longer than she was at home for (except bedtime) & getting to spend all that time with her friends & little time with me.

She was fine. Loved the idea of starting school & still loves it almost a yr one. Yet her friend hates it! Always has,...his first day his mum made little fuss, happy for him to go. But she had to sit outside the room until he was distracted. That was after he was peeled off her! A yr on he is still tempremental as to whether he will let mum leave before the bell!

I think you are very judgey & hope you dd doesn't suddenly decide she hates it!

YABU I'm afraid. I still have memories of my first day of school and how proud and excited I felt when my parents were making a fuss of me and taking my photo! Kids shouldn't feel like school is nothing, they should see it an exciting opportunity to learn and grow, to meet new people and gain independence. I'm sure I will be as excited as they will be when it's my turn next year - and I'm sure the snuffles won't set in for me until I'm walking out the gates.

Thanks smee for defending my post. Sorry I have been busy with my other children and did not get back to read the replies until now.

I think those of you who think I am BU are entitled to your opinion. I am certain that starting school is a big event for everyone concerned. However, I do think that sometimes, not in all cases obviously, as adults we make it more stressful for kids than it needs to be.

I also stated in my post that at the moment DD likes school and that I fully expect she may well change her mind when she has been there a few days/weeks. My DH hated school ,I loved it. There we are!

I was upset at my DD starting school and cried on the day before she started. However, I felt that it would not help her to be crying when she started on the Monday. Before anyone says my DD has seen me cry about things that affect me. I did not want her to think there was a reason she needed to cry about starting school. I did note that the only anxiety my DD did seem to show is when she went in to the classroom and there were literally MORE adults there than children.
This was my observation and I put it out there to see if others had had the same experience or thoughts. It seems the majority seemed to understand what I meant. It was never meant to undermine those of you who were like the parents I saw in my DD classroom yesterday.

Footnote: today there were no adults in the classroom and it felt much more calm.