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AIBU?

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Original poster

...to find it peculiar when white people ask me where I come from 'originally'...

262 replies

MrsMerryHenry · 06/09/2009 22:40

...but haven't got a bleeding clue about their own ethnic origins?

Classic convo:Person: Hi, blah blah blah

Me: Hi, blah blah blah

Person: So where are you from? Originally, I mean?

Me: I'll tell you that if you can tell me first where you come from.

Person: Oh, er...London. (I am not exaggerating here, I have been told this at least twice )

and double-

The best any of them can do is 'England and Scotland' or something like that. Still a double-.

I heard Jamie Oliver on Friday saying that he's recently discovered that his family origins go back to some Sudanese people eons ago. Surely that's an exciting thing to know about oneself, right?

OP posts:
skihorse · 07/09/2009 09:04

I have always been fascinated about people's origins and yes, have probably asked the deeply offensive "yes, but where were your parents born?" type stuff.

Shoe's on the other foot now and I'm an expat - people are so curious and it's not being mean - they're just genuinely interested. They want to know what it's like, what you eat, what your name means etc., etc.

fleacircus · 07/09/2009 09:08

Reminds me of an anecdote Jackie Kay told at a library event: a sweet little old woman came up to her in a shop in Scotland and said "Excuse me dear, but where do you come from?"
JK: "I'm from Glasgow." (am not going to attempt phonetic Scottish accents, but if you've heard JK speak you'll know hers is lovely)
SLOW: "Oh... Because I have a friend from the Dominican Republic."

claw3 · 07/09/2009 09:16

Where are you from London.

No originally, i would be tempted to say the same place as everyone Africa.

claw3 · 07/09/2009 09:22

MrsH - Seriously though, do you only find it peculiar when 'white' people ask?

BettySuarez · 07/09/2009 09:30

I would probably ask you where you were from but only because I am (a) nosy (b) genuinally interested (c) wanting you to ask me where I am from so that I can then have a bitch about Bracknell

Does this make me racist then? I thought it just made me nosy, friendly and anti- bracknell

bumpsoon · 07/09/2009 09:32

I had a very confused patient ask a very asian Dr if he was Irish the other day .By the way when i say very ,i mean looks asian ,has a strong pakistani accent ,with not slightest hint of gaelic .

OrmIrian · 07/09/2009 09:35

If you asked me where I was from 'originally' it would take about half and hour. I just say Somerset. It isn't really true but it's simpler. Round here the question would mean 'are you from this town' but people here don't move about that much.

Is it really a racist question? I think it's a bit of a crass one but not racist.

MissM · 07/09/2009 09:40

It's a funny one this isn't it. I'm Jewish, but get asked endlessly if I'm Spanish . DH is Sikh, and rarely gets asked where he's from - he usually gets asked 'where are your family from', which I suppose is the PC way of asking. The one time I remember him being asked where he was from originally was by a black colleague, who was genuinely interested in his heritage. He replied 'Derby'.

I don't know. I ask people where they're from originally but only because, like others on this thread, I live in London so people I meet are rarely from London in the first place.

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 07/09/2009 09:46

YANBU. People are assuming that you are not 'really' British because you aren't white. As far as I'm concerned a person is from the place they live, and originally from the place where they grew up/were born. I wouldn't presume that a non white person was originally from anywhere else unless they had an accent, so I wouldn't ask. If sonmeone asks 'no, where are you from originally' to a non white person, you know they don't expect to hear 'doncaster', but rather 'india/ghana/china', which for at least 50% of ethnic minority people in the UK isn't true.

WidowWadman · 07/09/2009 09:46

I find it always peculiar when people forget that I'm a foreigner, just because I'm white and am very fluent in English (a lot of people think I've got an Irish accent, which is odd, I've never been to Ireland).

They're always most surprised when I'm not amused by casual racism and xenophobia.

WowOoo · 07/09/2009 09:55

I used to get asked this Q when living abroad, especially in Asia.

At first it was cute, then it got annoying. (especially when they would say 'oh yes Wales, that's in England/America isn't it?' !!

When i returned the Q would get a long history/geography lesson. Not always what I wanted!

TheChilliMooseisasmadasahatter · 07/09/2009 09:58

I can relate to that, WidowWadman. I am white and my parents are both white, and yet they were both immigrants and we both asylum seekers as children. I am always surprised at how many many people feel it is acceptable to criticise immigrants and asylum seekers and assume I will agree with them.
I also no longer live in the same part of the country that I grew up in, so I have a different accent to many of the people I live among. Quite often when I go out, people say 'oh, you're not from around here, are you?' I think that a simple 'no' would be rude, so I always say, 'no, I am from X', to which the answer is usually 'well I can tell that'. I never understand the point of that conversation and always walk off feeling a bit stupid.

MissM · 07/09/2009 10:05

But I used to live in Leeds and I'm (originally) from London, so my accent was clearly southern up there. People would always ask me where I was from and then nod sagely in a 'thought so' type way when I told them. So it's all relative isn't it. I suppose it depends on whether they're asking from a racist standpoint (Mrs MH being asked because she's black, not because she has a different accent), or an 'out of interest' standpoint (people actually being genuinely intersted in Mrs MH's cultural heritage rather than her colour), or because they want their suspicions confirmed (Yorkshiremen knowing they have an imposter in their midst )

Incidently, I asked someone where she was from yesterday, but only because she has a middle-eatern sounding name and had just sung some songs in a language called Ladino. I wanted to know whether her background had led to her career. Now I'm hoping she wasn't offended by my question!

WelliesAndPyjamas · 07/09/2009 10:13

We are all nosey to some degree. It's in our nature, surely! So IMO it is out of curiosity that most people will ask, because they are interested in the answer and in finding out stuff about you. I've been asked where I am from 'originally' and not just in the UK. I think I'm classed as 'white British' but I must look really interesting because people still ask. The most I've been asked is in Cardiff, because I don't have the local accent too... I am however from a town only an hour away .

So, it's down to curiosity, that's what I think, OP.

claw3 · 07/09/2009 10:18

Wellies - I agree, i think its just a conversation starter and nothing sinister at all.

Im 'white British', but i have dark hair, dark eyes and olive skin and i am often asked where i am from originally.

roneef · 07/09/2009 10:26

This thread is very interesting..

I really don't think questions in OP are racist in any way.

People are just interested in each other. Surely that can't be wrong?

Whoever referred to racism and casual xenophobia is having a laugh...surely?

Oh, and I speak as a foreign looking person who is asked this often.

TheDMshouldbeRivened · 07/09/2009 10:52

'It's a funny one this isn't it. I'm Jewish, but get asked endlessly if I'm Spanish'

Now I'm going to be nosey. Jewish is a religion surely, not an ethnicity? Friend of mine is blonde and converted to judaism.

gagamama · 07/09/2009 10:55

I'm always interested to know people's heritage, especially if they appear to have physical attributes specific to a certain region, but never feel I can ask without worrying I'm coming across judgemental and racist. Sadly this thread just reinforces that. I'd happily tell anyone about my great granparents who emigrated from Austria during WW1 and changed their names into something English-sounding, or the 4 generations of my family who have all, by pure coincidence, worked in the shadow of St Pauls Cathedral, or the great great great grandfather who I recently discovered does exactly the same job as I do now. But nobody asks!

mmrsceptic · 07/09/2009 11:00

maybe things have changed and it's an ok question to ask nowadays

is it oversensitivity on the part of white people?

such a question could easily be interpreted by a sensitive questionee as "well you plainly don't belong here"

unless I'm out of date, has everything gone full circle now

I mean, surely it's not ok to say "you look eastern european" or something like that

i mean if someone opens their mouths you can usually tell if they're British, white or not, can't you? unless it means where are you from, as in, up the m1 or whatever

footinmouth · 07/09/2009 11:04

I have no problem with people asking me where I'm from.

I have black skin, so therefore it stands to reason that I am not originally from here.

I tell them that my mum was born in Antigua and I was born in London.

When I was recently in hospital, I asked one of the nurses where she orinated from. I would have laughed if she had taken offence.

She was quite happy to tell me she was Swedish and I was quite happy to tell her my heritage and the herigage of my children.

It's no big deal

footinmouth · 07/09/2009 11:07

What is embarrassing, is when someone asks me where I'm from. I say originally Antigua and they say 'No, I meant your accent'.

Oh yeah, that'll be London

FranSanDisco · 07/09/2009 11:09

My dh is a Scot living in London. Wherever we travel he is asked where he's from - they mean his accent. No-one wants to know about me even though I have am decended from Hugenauts (sp) .

MillyR · 07/09/2009 11:13

FranSanDisco, where are you travelling when this happens?

curiositykilled · 07/09/2009 11:16

You are probably a bit over sensitive. The population of the UK is naturally caucasian because of the geographical conditions of the UK and Europe (no strong sun) so it would be reasonable to assume that anyone non-caucasian had emigrated from somewhere else somewhere in their (at least relatively recent) family history. It's just human curiosity/small talk.

I'm not sure why 'England' or 'Scotland' is an unacceptable response to you? My DH's family have all lived within a 20 mile radius of our home for 600 years. My family are, on my maternal grandparents side - Irish immigrants (early 1900s) but we're not sure about the further history and originally Scottish lowlanders (robert the bruce/william wallace time) come to england via northumberland in the early 1900s. On paternal grandparents side - all have remained around the north-west of England for several hundred years. If someone asked me I would say a mix of England/Scotland/Ireland that we know of.

I think it's a bit of a personal question to ask a stranger and so wouldn't give too much detail but I wouldn't be offended. It sounds like you're seeing racism where there is none to me. People ask me if I'm from Ireland all the time because I have the raven hair and porcelain skin but have a very english accent. I don't think it's racism against your black skin, more just curiosity.

FranSanDisco · 07/09/2009 11:20

This has happened in Portugal, Egypt, Florida, Devon, Spain but also in London/Essex where we live. My accent is very 'London' which compared to his Glaswegian rolled R's is quite noticeable I suppose. Also as a family myself and 2 children speak with the same accent and he is different. In Egypt one of the waiters wanted dh to teach him English .