To be worried that I will never find love if I admit to being feminist?

[poshsinglemum]

And ashamed to admit that I probably am one? It has a really bad press.
My version of it is to celebrate being a woman and feminity but to love men. It also includes EQUALITy for men and women.

So many women hate feminism or are ashamed of it . Why?

I don't like labels but I suppose some might call me a feminist, and I have found love.

I agree with Habbibu. What's more, being a feminist in my view is not only about me wanting to have the same opportunities as men - but all women should have those equal opportunities. So if I simply "mind my own business" and negotiate a good pay-rate for myself and a good sharing-the-housework deal with my partner, that does not yet make me a feminist. How can I claim I truly care about all women's equal rights, when I won't open my mouth about it for fear of being accused of bleating?

There is a difference between "agreeing that equality is good" and actually "doing something about achieving equality for everyone". The latter is harder...

StripeySuit do you fancy grabbing a latee and having a lazy afternoon lol?

Hmmm, I am not sure about the idea of all "feminists" only wanting equality. It seems to frequently go beyond that.

Given that "feminists" have already won their main battles, although some would disagree, maybe a new term such as "equalists" would be more appropriate to define those who love men but merely wish to be treated equally. It is a term both men and women could buy into easily.

Those on the other hand who believe "all sex is rape" (which is a view espoused by one well known "feminist") can stick to calling themselves "feminists". On the other hand, if women want to reclaim the term "feminist" in its original meaning, they have to condemn the more extreme end of the spectrum loudly and unequivocally.

Thanks Larry for telling me what I "have" to do as a feminist. Based on a view "espoused by one well known feminist"?? Not exactly representative. Too much to do in terms of actually achieving equality for women (and not just in the west) to waste time on your demands, I'm afraid.

Larry: feminism will have 'gone far enough' only when women are actually paid the same as men (as opposed to earning about 30% less IN THE UK), when they don't need the permission of two doctors to undergo a safe medical procedure and when the conviction rate for those accused of rape is a little bit higher than the 8% it currently is.
Still, we have won some battles. Like the one that entitles us to laugh loudly at men thinking they can tell women 'how to be feminist' .

at Larry.

Oh dear.

I'd say that the majority of British women and men nowadays are feminists, although they don't actively call themselves that, or think of themselves as that, largely because they've forgotten what life was like 50 years ago. I don't think that all the battles have been won by a long way, but I do think that there is much wider recognition that battles exist and should be spoken about, even if people don't know how to resolve the problems. On the other hand, I think that some problems need to be addressed by giving men more options - I think there's been a tendency to give women more and more options, with the result that we are now expected to have brilliant careers and be superduper fabulous mums. I'd like to see men have more options around parenting, and I think that might go some of the way to making life easier for women.

i got together with dp when i was 21 and since then have become more and more stridently feminist (mmm that sounds wrong - strident in my feminism?) and it is part of the reason why i want to leave him now, he just doesn't get it and it is so important to me. he expects me to do the lion's share of the childcare and housework even though we both work full time and my job is more demanding than his. i am the one who has to negotiate flexible working, organise playdates, holiday childcare, childminder for the little one, etc etc etc. oh and buy and cook his meals. oh and pay most of my salary into his account so he can use it to pay the bills... (and on and on it goes) - i would rather be on my own and at least know that i had to do everything iyswim.

i have signed up for this Feminism in London conference thing in october (I agreed to go with a friend on the condition that we could go to the workshop about how to be a feminist but still be sexy and have fun in bed )

MNers might be interested to know there is a workshop called "Poverty and motherhood: How society undervalues women's work", I intend to go along to it.

couple more sort of vaguely interesting things:

1. my friend who is going is bringing her boyfriend, they are both mid-20s and he is cool with coming along - i think she's a lucky girl, my dp would never ever agree to go to this
2. she invited another friend of ours who refuses to go because she is a more hardcore feminist and diagrees with these feminists' stance on prostitution and so will have nothing to do with it at all. guess this is the kind of thing that makes people ashamed to 'admit' to being feminists...

anyway to answer the op's question, YABU - definitely don't worry about it, but make sure you are honest about what you believe!

superfrenchie1 - you are not leaving your (D)P because you are a feminist. You are leaving him because he treats you badly.

What he does not get is not your 'strident feminism', what he does not get is treating you equally and fairly.

superfrenchie thanks for that link now I'll be going too!

I would like to make a modest proposal.

Can we stop using the word 'feminism'. As a tread a few weks ago suggested the word itself is a busted brand. Whatever the cause and the rights and wrongs of it, the word feminsim has has too many negative stereotypes atttached to it (e.g 'hairy, lesbian, strident man-hater').

Like all brands, they run their course and to move on and atract a new generation of women and men we have to get a new label. This may seem superficial but as we all know, the media image matters in the modern age.

The fundeamental prinicples behind the idea of feminsim are stil absolutely valid. What we need is a new word to encompass where we go next.

I like words like equality, fairness, human rights and so on. They move away from the idea of this being a 'womens' movement' to something that all people whatever their sex or sexuality can adhere to and identify with.

In a rush, so haven't read more than the OP. Just want to say that I'm a proud feminist and so is my lovely DH.

ABetaDad..... PMSL

It was a joke, right? RIGHT?!

If it's a case of 'rebranding', and throwing feminism open to all, regardless of gender , then why stop there?

Fascism got a pretty bad rap with the whole Hitler episode, perhaps that should also be rebranded and those of all races encouraged to join? And Communism; tsk, outdated. Change it. Rebrand it. Might sound scary otherwise! Get rid of the moustaches, that'll do it...

Are we really reduced to thinking of ways we can make feminism accessible to men? Err, haven't we sort of missed the point?

Can a man ever be a feminist? Not IMO. I think feminism is more than 'wanting equality', which many men do. I think men can agree with some principles of feminism, but to be a feminist? I do not think so. I would be interested in hearing the other POV though...

About the word "strident" - is it being deliberately reclaimed, following years of it being used as a kneejerk smear on assertive women, or do people actually think it means emphatic or assertive?

m-w has the meaning as:

• a harsh noise
• Date: circa 1656

: characterized by harsh, insistent, and discordant sound ; also : commanding attention by a loud or obtrusive quality

I dislike its extended use for any woman who knows her own mind, and its implication that it sounds ugly for a woman to speak up for herself. I imagine my favourite feminists speaking in beautiful rounded assertive bell-like clear tones - not squawking like crows. I got particularly annoyed when this word was used (irl) to describe Gabrielle Palmer (the politics of breastfeeding) - she is never strident. Some might call her views extreme or radical, she has no fear of assertive clear expression of them, but her tone is in fact very dry and smooth and wryly humorous - she is a sophisticated writer, not a noisy squawker.

However, if people want to describe themselves as strident, knowingly reclaiming this ubiquitous insult, then far be it from me to argue.

Good post Stripey, esp. re 'fairness' vs. 'equality'

Is it just me or does anyone else find the phrase 'girl power' (as this thread is titled in discussion of the day) very patronising?
Girls- well, mostly women actually?
Power- no, more like equality?

IMO it makes something serious and important sound like a frivolous fad for teens.

I've always been quite stridently feminist and I've found it quite useful in filtering out all the men I wouldn't want to be with anyway. I'm only interested in men who appreciate strident feminism - there are plenty of men around who do like assertive opinionated women. All my partners have been the sort of men who expect women to be feminists and think there's something wrong with a woman who isn't.

maybe it does put some men off but they aren't the men I'd want.

It would be nice for me to meet the kind of man you're all describing. In my circles men aren't like this. One bloke even told me he had nothing against me but I shouldn't be so vocal when men are talking because it gives a bad impression, and it makes my partner look small like I'm talking for him!!!!!???? I didn't shut up though, don't worry

I'm bisexual/ curious and have hairy legs today! IMO anyone who'd throw Angelina Jolie out of bed has issues