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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be jealous of other mothers?

150 replies

IREALLYDONTCARE · 02/09/2009 11:11

I know I'm probably being silly but everywhere I go I see other mums looking so glam, regardless of whether they are SAHM or working or what. they have perfectly straight hair, long manicured nails, fake tans, latest fashions/jewelry, immaculate make up and their kids look tidy and fashionable - the little girls have bunches and dresses and lelli kelly's etc.

Me - I work full time and it's a mad rush to get ready, fed etc for work. Quite often my hair is frizzy, I do my make up quickly in the car, I shove toast in my mouth as I leave the door, dd (18 months) wriggles and cries if I try to put her in a dress or do her hair, I'm overweight and can't afford the latest fashions.

My mummy colleagues always look glam. If I have time off work, I make an effort to go to playgroups and the mums there are all neat and tidy and fashionable and calm looking.

I don't know how they do it! I get up early to give myself more time to get ready but never seem to be like them. It's actually rather depressing.

Anyone else feel like me?

OP posts:

mrswill · 03/09/2009 15:23

I too was languishing in jealousy when i started going to playgroups etc, with all the mothers there looking groomed, while i had my hair slung back in a 'ponytail', no make up and jogging bottoms on.
But ive found quick ways around it. I think you have to work with what you've got first of all, to make it work in less time. Dont bother with fake tan, false nails etc unless you really want to make the effort. Just invest in a good blusher to suit your skin hair tone, and cut off your nails short and paint them in a funky colour, to trend you up.
When DD is in the bath, i pluck my eyebrows and do my nails. In the night when she goes to bed, i shower and dry my hair, put out my clothes, so i dont have to rush round the next morning. You dont have to straighten your hair to look good, work with what you have - if theres a wave, put some mousse in it when its damp to stop it frizzing. I also keep my staple makeup in a bag in the car, so when i drop off dd, i spend a few minutes doing the bare minimum. I find to make you look polished, mascara, good powder (i like the ones from benefit as they have a hint of colour), and blusher are the best. Also find a style that works for you.
Myself and friends who are all different sizes, find dresses/tunics are a lifesaver, you still look smart with little effort, and team them with leggings and boots. The cheaper end of the high street does lovely things that dont cost the earth. Let us know how you get on. Oooh i sense a makeover coming on!

Original poster

IREALLYDONTCARE · 03/09/2009 16:37

hi guys

sorry for the delay in replying, my gran got rushed to hospital so I haven't really had a chance to implement a new routine yet, feeling too miserable today.

but will keep youse updated.

Thanks for all the tips though x

OP posts:

CheerfulYank · 03/09/2009 16:50

My favorite thing to do is take an extremely long bath with a good magazine and a glass of wine cup of tea, while DS naps. I refuse to do more than the quickest of chores while he's sleeping. It's me time, dammit!

IDON'TREALLYCARE, I'm so sorry to hear about your gran. Hope all is well!

LyraSilvertongue · 03/09/2009 18:15

Cheerfulyank, I used to do the same when DSs were small. A long soak with a good book.
When DS2 came along one of my priorities was to get him to nap at the same time as DS1 so I wouldn't lose that much-needed break.

CheerfulYank · 03/09/2009 18:41

Good to know I'm not the only one, Lyra! I love that time and frankly I'd be a frazzled nutjob without it.

GrendelsMum · 03/09/2009 20:59

Yes, I totally agree with the people that say a good haircut is key.

Go to the hairdressers and tell them that you have 5 mins (or whatever) to spend on it in the morning and you need a cut that will look fabulous in 5 mins and then stay put all day.

TiredBlueEyes · 03/09/2009 21:08

IREALLYDON"TCARE - Sorry to hear about ur Gran.
Re: ur original post I feel like that too most of the time. I had lunch with a friend today who reminded me that she is friends with me because at babymassage I was the only mum who turned up late every week with baby in pj's. She tells me she found the fully made-up mums intimidating but I seemed 'refreshingly human'.

That baby is 3 now and I have an 19month old too. Necessity has made me more organised than I used to be. We all leave the house fully dressed lol!

Stylewise I tend to feel rubbish about myself because, except the girl mentioned above, my friends are childless mostly single career girls. it makes me feel like a complete fish out of water on the rare occasions I get to go out with them and I don't know how to dress anymore How are mums supposed to dress if Boden really isn't their thing?

WingedVictory · 03/09/2009 23:17

What about having your shower in the evening? I always bathe/shower just before bed, meaning I don't have to do it in the morning when DS is rampaging around, and it also relaxes me enough to get a better night's sleep! Could save you changing the sheets as frequently, too...?!
I wholeheartedly support other posts about getting good clothes which all go together.
As for fake tan, don't bother with that: just some nice pressed powder to even up your complexion (same skin tone as yours - you want to save hassle and look normal), mascara and lipstick. As far as I understand, foundation can look unfortunate if one has not exfoliated... so I avoid it!
Fingernails short - they look neat enough if you keep them clipped. I have tried fake nails on a few occasions, but they seem to come off easily, and that looks worse.
KEEP IT SIMPLE. That always looks better.

mrswill · 04/09/2009 08:25

I am going to be shamefully thick, but what the hell is boden??

rupertsabear · 04/09/2009 08:32

Wear a dress. Then you don't have to worry about it matching or tucking in or whatever. Wear leggings, opaque tights or skinny jeans under it so that you don't worry about knicker flashing. Wear blusher and mascara. It barely takes longer than putting on your tracksuit.

IcingOnTheCake · 04/09/2009 08:47

Personally i don't see the whole "fake tan, long nails" etc a good look. I think it actually looks kinda tacky?

clemette · 04/09/2009 11:44

for mrswill

SkaterGrrrrl · 04/09/2009 15:58

An unreachably high standard of beauty is just another stick for women to beat themselves with.

Im sure on our deathbeads we will all care more about what we DID than the way we LOOKED.

Recommend this book...

slushy06 · 04/09/2009 17:34

Ireallydontcare I never wear much make-up I only wear foundation and my hair is put in a plait as its most of the way down my back and really thick and curly it takes an hour to straighten mostly I wear tracksuits.

However my friend for years now always dresses as you describe and although I am sure not all people who dress as you describe feel this way I am just telling you this for you to realise the grass is not always greener. She does it because she has no confidence for two years when she was going out with her b friend she stayed up later than him to take her make-up off and got up two hours earlier to apply make-up do hair e.t.c so he wouldn't see her. She has always been really envious of me because to be frank I don't give a s**t take me as I am and really you look at us on a day to day basis and it appears she is more confidant that is not true she would have a panic attack if someone say her after a bath. She probably has less confidence than you that is why she has to wear fake nails/tans/hair and loads of make-up.

Everyone has something to be jealous off work out what yours is and when you see these mums just remember all the things that are special about you.

modernart · 04/09/2009 17:51

Yuck! I just googled lelli kellis and they are revolting AND the child model is wearing lipgloss

angelmama · 04/09/2009 23:34

I let people take me 4 who i am, but now a bump showing i wear clothes comfy in but look smart. love my jeans thoxx

BerylCole · 05/09/2009 08:38

I think exercise is the one thing you should try to make time for. It gives you such a boost of feel good hormones and more energy. More important than all the fake nails-and-fake tan stuff.

CheerfulYank · 05/09/2009 08:40

I also googled lelli kellys, modernart. Very tacky for the most part.

IcingOnTheCake · 05/09/2009 12:43

When i see women with long fake nails/fake tans etc, i always think they will look like this when they are older

TracyK · 05/09/2009 13:19

Why bother with fake tan now we are coming in to winter!
I put a blob of fake tan on the back of my hands and rub them together just to take the edge off in the winter - but nowhere else.
I find it easier to get organised/iron for the week on a Sunday afternoon/evening - I don't have enough orgaisation/stamina to be doing it every night.
I find it easier if I have at least one pair of really nice black trousers that I can wear most days and then just change the top.
Also like to have a hat that suits me for covering up in the winter - feel a bit more smart for some reason.

daisymaybe · 06/09/2009 00:00

I was always put to shame by a mummy in the park, and I'm a nanny ffs.

She has two children under 3. I don't start work until 2.30, I'm 22 and my biggest expenditures are Topshop and Benefit. It's v. v. depressing.

benbon · 06/09/2009 18:49

hi. ok i havnt read all the posts so someone has probably already said this. but why dont you have your shower/bath and wash your hair in the evening then blowdry and straighten it. that way you can just sleep on it and in the morning you only have to brush it.. i think you are trying to cram a lot into a small amount of time..

and dont worry about what others think they probably look at you and wish they were more like you!!

backintraining · 07/09/2009 13:57

I don't think YABU at all, and at first glance these "glamour mums" may look great but if you get chance have a closer look.... I know this girl who has a 7 week old baby, on the few occasions I have seen her since baby has arrived she has been in gorgeous clothing, make up on, hair straightened (and even with one of those zig zag partings. DS is over 7 months old and I think I have worn mascara three times since then......... however, yesterday a big group of us were out and I looked at the 3 of them (glamour girl with zig zag parting), baby who was still in the same babygro that she was in the day before and husband who look like boiled crap quite frankly), and when I looked over this immaculate mother looked like she was very nervously holding a friend's baby. Now I may be VERY unreasonable for saying this and in no way am I tarring all mums who are "glamourous" with the same brush but it did make me think.

backintraining · 07/09/2009 14:00

Oh, and when I made the comment about this girl's husband, I do know that he looks like boiled crap because he gets up to do pretty much any feeds in the night because if *** doesn't get 8 hours she's just unbearable - this guy also has a full time job!! But that's a whole other thread.

AliGrylls · 07/09/2009 14:14

Agree with you backintraining. If someone has heaps of time to spend making themselves look good they are probably not spending enough time with their children.

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