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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be jealous of other mothers?

150 replies

IREALLYDONTCARE · 02/09/2009 11:11

I know I'm probably being silly but everywhere I go I see other mums looking so glam, regardless of whether they are SAHM or working or what. they have perfectly straight hair, long manicured nails, fake tans, latest fashions/jewelry, immaculate make up and their kids look tidy and fashionable - the little girls have bunches and dresses and lelli kelly's etc.

Me - I work full time and it's a mad rush to get ready, fed etc for work. Quite often my hair is frizzy, I do my make up quickly in the car, I shove toast in my mouth as I leave the door, dd (18 months) wriggles and cries if I try to put her in a dress or do her hair, I'm overweight and can't afford the latest fashions.

My mummy colleagues always look glam. If I have time off work, I make an effort to go to playgroups and the mums there are all neat and tidy and fashionable and calm looking.

I don't know how they do it! I get up early to give myself more time to get ready but never seem to be like them. It's actually rather depressing.

Anyone else feel like me?

OP posts:
Babbit · 02/09/2009 11:51

Keep it simple. Go through your wardrobe and get rid of anything that doesn't fit or suit you. Wearing clothes that you are not happy with will make you feel awful imo. Get accessories for what is left. Try to buy one thing a month that is multi-purpose i.e. home and work - dresses are good as are cardis (and fits properly). Planning is important, so take some time in the evening to plan what you are going to wear the next day and iron it etc and choose accessories (both for yourself and DD - without the accessories in her case). For me, I try to make sure my nails are neat, and varnished if possible. Keep make up simple.

And don't compare yourself. We all do what we have to do and prioritise things differently. Your DD will get older and things will get a little easier. My youngest DC has just turned 2 and will now watch a little bit of telly in the morning which gives me time to shower and blow dry my hair (10/15 mins). Until recently I had to do that the night before as I couldn't leave him unsupervised and like you DH leaves before we all get up and gets home after DC bed time.

Stigaloid · 02/09/2009 11:52

I agree 2 hours in the morning is a long time. You just need better structure.

Also - everytime someone has put up a suggestion (tan mosituriser, nail polish etc) you have come back with a reason as to why it won't work. You need to change your mindset if you want to change your life. Take on board suggestions, try them and make them work.

Am sure you are more glam than you give yourself credit for but you have to see reasons how things can work, not how they can't, if you want change to really happen.

UnquietDad · 02/09/2009 11:52

But fake tan looks bloody horrible!!! Don't do it, ladies! You'll look like cheap slappery Cheshire WAGs!

Kbear · 02/09/2009 11:52

Garnier Summerbody is a tinted moisturiser which I "slap on after a shower" - never get streaks, would moisturise anyway "darlings" LOL so two birds and all that!

Doodlez · 02/09/2009 11:53

By UnquietDad on Wed 02-Sep-09 11:34:50

"Do people actually think fake tan, fake nails and artificially-straightened hair look attractive? And children in Lelli Kellis, FGS. Horrible things."

I love you!

Kbear · 02/09/2009 11:53

But sticky white legs are truly awful too UQD - I'm not orange, just off-blue!

arolf · 02/09/2009 11:54

do you think that maybe other mums are looking at you and thinking 'ah, wish I had more time with my kids like she does'? or 'I wish my child was as pretty/well behaved/chubby/skinny as hers' or whatever.

I think everyone is looking over their shoulders the whole time, worried about what image they imagine themselves to have, but actually, nobody is noticing what you imagine to be your faults They are just seeing the good things, and getting all about them!

I'm only pregnant at the moment, so have no child to consider, but have heard a few women who are due around the same time as me saying 'ooh, her bump is bigger than mine' or 'ooh, her bump is smaller than mine' in envious sounding voices. It seems a bit silly to me, but then I catch myself looking at women with newborns, and getting insanely jealous, even though I'll be meeting mine sometime soon! I blame hormones (for everything )

runnyhabbit · 02/09/2009 11:55

Totally agree with posters about 2hrs to get ready, and second the suggestion of breakfast at Grans. My mum has my boys 2 mornings, and all I do is get them dressed - she feeds them, and they brush their teeth there too.

clemette · 02/09/2009 11:55

Kbear - I NEVER show my legs. Even if I wear a dress it is over trousers, and skirts are for the winter with thick tights .

runnyhabbit · 02/09/2009 11:56

I don't mean proper fake tan - that tinted moisturiser that Dove etc do. Just takes the edge of my otherise blue legs

clemette · 02/09/2009 11:57

wheresmypaddle please start a thread asking for everyone's secrets

skihorse · 02/09/2009 11:57

arolf - a damned fine post maam - see! Your brain is not totally skidaddled!

Original poster
IREALLYDONTCARE · 02/09/2009 12:02

hi skihorse. I don't know how you do it. I dont even wear that much makeup!

This morning for example, dd woke at 6am. I brought her into our room and left her with DH whilst I showered and washed hair. She and DH were still in jammies when I came out so I told DH to get her dressed and to make the beds. He did so grumpily, moaning he needed to get ready for work, he kept moaning whilst I was getting ready, trying to dry hair/put make up on. DD was running around wanting to help brush my hair, play with hairdryer etc so I didn't get to finish my hair or makeup.

I also had to change her clothes as DH put her in stuff that didn't fit her (despite having new stuff in the drawer - yes I had ONE, just ONE pair of trousers of hers tht didn't fit and that I had forgotten to through out and that was the one he chose!) Her nappy leaked as DH hadn't put it on properly so I had to change that too.

DH left at 7.30 and I finally got to go downstairs. I gave dd breakfast which she chucked everywhere and I had to tidy up. Made myself some toast, which I didn't get to finish. Put some laundry on. Put cbeebies on. DD didn't want cbeebies and was crying for breakfast (but wouldn't eat anything). left at 8am, gave dd to my mum who will give her some breakfast and mum moaned that I hadn't brushed my hair...sigh.

And now I'm at work and shouldn't really be on the pc, ho hum, but will visit poundland during lunch ha ha

OP posts:
wheresmypaddle · 02/09/2009 12:03

I would- am fascinated but am supposed to be working and that would totally scupper the rest of my day.....

Stigaloid · 02/09/2009 12:05

Your DH needs a kick up the backside. Remind him that he is 50% responsible for his DD and book ytourself for a spa weekenda way where he will be doing full childcare for 48 hours so he can learn her routine better.

AmazingBouncingFerret · 02/09/2009 12:17

You are giving yourself twice the work if you get your DD dressed before she eats!
For days when Im at work I always lay out my uniform and DS clothes ready. I'll make his packed lunch up the night before.
I tend to roll my arse out of bed at 7ish and DS and I will have breakfast then we both go and wash and he will watch cartoons whilst I get myself dressed, once all this is done I chase him round the house get him dressed and hey presto we are outta there!
I have no idea whether im actually presentable or not, I like to think I am, but I dont go down the fake tan/nails route just not interested in that lol.

clemette · 02/09/2009 12:20

So - clothes out the night before will solve one problem. Get DD a toy hairdryer so she can pretend to dry her hair while you do yours. Both of mine also pretend to put make-up on with empty powder pots etc. She wants to do what you do - if you find ways to do that rather than resisting things will go more smoothly.

You probably need to sit down with DH and decide who is going to do what in the mornings.

There have been lots of good ideas on here - do you think any of them would work for you?

MrsVik · 02/09/2009 12:20

Firstly - I think that you are feeling a bit down so you see ONLY the 'glam' mums. I bet there are tons of women who look about the same as you (probably not half as bad as you imagine yourself to look) but you tune them out because you're punishing yourself for not being good enough.

Secondly - those glam mums have problems of their own. Everyone has their insecurities - they have a mole in a funny place, their nose is too big, their eyes are too small, it's all they see in the mirror even though no-one else even notices. So don't be under the impression that some mums are just perfect - no-one is! And I'd say that if they spend so much effort on looking good it's because they are insecure about something, somewhere along the line!

MrsBadger · 02/09/2009 12:20

2h is ages

today for example (dd is 24m)

6.30am I get up, laundry out of washer into dryer, get in shower
6.45am out of shower, dress, comb hair (I do not dry or straighten)
6.50am wake up dd, sing, cuddle, lure downstairs with promise of shreddies
6.55am dd eats breakfast, I make and eat toast while putting on next load of laundry and packing nursery bag
7.15am dd finishes, sling dishes in dishwasher, lure her upstairs with promise of story on the changing mat, ignore demands for tv
7.20am change and dress dd while reading Gruffalo, ignoring demands for TV
7.30am tantrum over shoes and socks assuaged by promise of Abba in the car
7.40am leave house to strains of Dancing Queen...

If she wakes up before 6.30am she gets one (one) 20min episode of Something Special from the DVR while I shower and dress, then proceed with breakfast as above.

Putting on live TV is a recipe for disaster IMO as there is no defined endpoint.

MrsBadger · 02/09/2009 12:24

(NB ny mutual consent DH does not participate in mornings as we have ascertained he does more harm than good eg either grumpy and shouty or too bouncy, getting dd overexcited, giving in to demands for tv when we don't have time for it etc, so he does the 5pm 'hometime' playtime while I have a cup of tea, and also makes dinner)

clemette · 02/09/2009 12:27

wheresmypaddle here you go

runnyhabbit · 02/09/2009 12:31

Have to say that I do use the tv in the mornings But only while I'm in shower and getting dressed etc
As soon as we come downstairs, no tv

Ds1 is 4, ds2 is 2

BouncingTurtle · 02/09/2009 12:35

IREALLYDONTCARE - clearly you haven't met me, as I look like shit all the time. And I have only the one child and I'm a WAHM lol. Well when you work at home, you don't really care what you look like - hell I have been known to work in my PJs. Though I would never take DS to nursery in my PJs that is just skanky

ShrinkingViolet · 02/09/2009 12:35

agree with the eating before getting dressed for DCs- mine are 7, 11 and 16, and all have breakfast in their pjs. I also don't allow TV in the mornings when we need to get going anywhere as the whining of "just one more programme" woudl be horrendous.
Nail varnish etc in the evenings after (small) DC have gone to bed or are napping.
Have no suggestion as to make up/looking put together as I don't do either so may have to hang out on the style threads for some tips myself.
I think it's getting into the right mindset - if you really want to change, you will make the necessary adjustments, but it's hard to get from "everyone looks beter than me" to "what can I do to improve myself" to actually managing and maintaining changes IME

Stigaloid · 02/09/2009 12:36

Agree with runnyhabbit. We have tv on twice during the day - once in mornings whilst DH and I get ready and DS has his morning cup of milk. (He has toast at childminders/nursery) and once in evening when he gets to watch In the Night Garden for 20 mins before we start his countdown to bedtime routine. Otherwise it is off all day (even on days i am SAHM)