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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

it really irritates me when people say their baby is flirting

259 replies

koolaid · 30/08/2009 22:49

at adult members of the opposite sex.

As in "oh DS was flirting with all the health visitors at the doctors today"

When all the baby did was smile/gurgle at someone who was showing them a lot of attention, in the way that babies do.

And always said about their DS, no-one who say the same thing about their baby girl.

It just really irks me. AIBU?

OP posts:
AitchwonderswhoFruitCrumbleis · 31/08/2009 19:38

but given that children don't yet speak, everything is a projection. your 'he's being friendly' is a projection, dittany. the baby may actually be sociopathically manipulative and planning to rob his granny of his inheritance, or he may be taking a big dump. it's all made up in our heads, surely, until they can express themselves verbally?
and i can't help but come back to the fact that if i don't think that there has to be a sexual component to flirting then it's a perfectly valid description of what babies do to attract people to them.

TheEgoHasLanded · 31/08/2009 19:41

no aitch...to say a baby or child is flirting..is just wrong.

Ponders · 31/08/2009 19:44

To say that the use of the word flirting, in the context of a baby batting its eyelashes at a stranger, implies sexuality (on either side)...is just wrong.

FFS.

OverthinkingRus

AitchwonderswhoFruitCrumbleis · 31/08/2009 19:50

flirting with disaster = i want to shag disaster

flirting with an idea = i want to shag an idea

flirting with perfection = i want to shag perfection.

just... wrong. i think that the working definition of flirting is sooooo much more elastic than some people are allowing.

because you are all crap shags.

Morloth · 31/08/2009 19:54

Words can change meanings within a context.

So flirting between adults may well imply sexual overtones (but I question whether that is always the case), but children can (and do IME) without the sexual overtones.

I flirt to get what I want (and will happily do so with men and women). Usually what I want is a free drink! Kids/babies do it for the same reason, to get something they want, i.e. the positive attention of the adult concerned. Nothing wrong with that at all I think, and I think Flirting is as good a word as any.

TheEgoHasLanded · 31/08/2009 19:54

flirting with disaster = if we take this any further we could end up in bed together

flirting with an idea = see above

flirting with perfection = never heard that said... so can't mean much.

StripeySuit · 31/08/2009 19:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Morloth · 31/08/2009 19:56

I have heard "Flirting with disaster" applied to situations where actual danger was involved.

Things like sky diving (and not checking you kit properly) etc.

AitchwonderswhoFruitCrumbleis · 31/08/2009 19:58

flirting with disaster means 'if we take this any further we'll end up in bed'??! are you kidding? it's a phrase that is applied to loads of situations, not just shagging. to flirt with x or y now just means to come close to doing or achieving x or y.

agree with morloth. think most of the rest of you are a bit weird tbh.

Ponders · 31/08/2009 19:58

except me, obv

StripeySuit · 31/08/2009 19:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AitchwonderswhoFruitCrumbleis · 31/08/2009 19:59

except you, ponders. and paisleyleaf, the bee-botherer.

AitchwonderswhoFruitCrumbleis · 31/08/2009 19:59
TheEgoHasLanded · 31/08/2009 20:01

oh come on aitch..if you dont know the difference between just being friendly and flirting...you need to get out more..

AitchwonderswhoFruitCrumbleis · 31/08/2009 20:03

anyway, they're not just being friendly, that's not it.

they put their heads to one side, bat their eyes, giggle, make definite one-on-one contact etc. it's singling out one person for special attention, it's flirting. you big bunch of weirdos.

it's not informed by a desire to fuck auntie's brains out, they just want her to like them the very most so that she will feed them/cuddle them/kiss them etc and they achieve that relationship using the same techniques that will later come into their own at the student union bar.

AitchwonderswhoFruitCrumbleis · 31/08/2009 20:05

i know the difference, doofus, it's you who doesn't. that's why you're all getting your chilly knickers in a twist.

TheEgoHasLanded · 31/08/2009 20:05

oh yes...i have seen a tory and tax credit thread...must go

fiver · 31/08/2009 20:10

It's an odd one.

Those of you who say they are happy to use 'flirting' to describe their LO's behaviour towards the opposite sex - would you be happy to use this word when your child is older?

So if your 11 year old daughter was being friendly towards a man, would you say she was flirting? Would you say this in front of your daughter? In front of the man?

And if not, then why is it ok to say it about a baby or younger child?

AitchwonderswhoFruitCrumbleis · 31/08/2009 20:14

because in one example she is a baby and in the other she's eleven and prepubescent and it would be innappropriate to describe it as flirting in front of them because it would be impolite to make both dd and man uncomfortable with a perfectly ordinary situation in a time of paedomania.

it would not prevent it from being flirting though, according to the non-sexual definition.

neeeeext.

SoupDragon · 31/08/2009 20:16

Flirting also means to trifle or toy.

fiver · 31/08/2009 20:18

Why would they feel uncomfortable though, if you were using it in the non-sexual sense?

SoupDragon · 31/08/2009 20:20

It also means to court triflingly or act amorously without serious intentions. Note the or act amorously. Thus, a child/baby can be flirting in order to court attention, court meaning to try to win the favour, preference, or goodwill of or to attempt to gain.

Nothing sexual in it at all.

dittany · 31/08/2009 20:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LovelyTinOfSpam · 31/08/2009 20:20

Out of interest, do the flirters on the thread flirt with people who are not the gender that they fancy (assuming they onyl fancy one)?

Do the flirters on the thread flirt with young children or the elderly?

Would the straight female flirters on the thread flirt, for example, with an elderly lady?

SoupDragon · 31/08/2009 20:22

Because to anyone with half a braincell, it is clear that it is meant in a non-sexual way with a baby/small child. When that child is older, it is less clear cut.