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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

it really irritates me when people say their baby is flirting

259 replies

koolaid · 30/08/2009 22:49

at adult members of the opposite sex.

As in "oh DS was flirting with all the health visitors at the doctors today"

When all the baby did was smile/gurgle at someone who was showing them a lot of attention, in the way that babies do.

And always said about their DS, no-one who say the same thing about their baby girl.

It just really irks me. AIBU?

OP posts:
Eirlys · 30/08/2009 23:10

Oh dear this is me , I often say that ds is a terrible flirt. But it isn't just smiling and gurgling (he's 18 mos): there is a whole act of trying to get (usually a woman's) attention, then once he has it a whole coy act follows, often involving peeking out behind my legs (and he will move me so that I am standing in just the right place).
I rarely think of flirting and sex as going together....DH and I are happily married but both huge flirts with other people...

Have never heard of describing kids as sexy, that's a bit disturbing and yuk.

AitchwonderswhoFruitCrumbleis · 30/08/2009 23:11

what's the purpose of flirting? to make a person like you/find you attractive, charming etc. babies do that all the time, in fact you could argue that they need to do it because they need to be taken care of.

Mumcentreplus · 30/08/2009 23:16

My Nephew is a flirt...he loves tha ladies ...and so is my DD2 she always finds a little boyfriend very confident with the opposite sex...

scottishmummy · 30/08/2009 23:17

babies lack the purposeful volition and intent to flirt.before being able to flirt one must have a concept of flirting and its potential potency

flirting is a transactional interaction BUT flirting only worlks if message esneder and recipient are concordant

we can all be aware someone is using sexuality or flirting, but we dont necessarily have to accept/want/react to flirting

babies don't flirt,wrong to ascribe this to normal behavioural milestones

nellynaemates · 30/08/2009 23:19

Flirt is quite a loose term though, people use it in lots of ways, e.g. "I'm flirting with the idea of moving abroad" etc.

It's maybe a bit odd but not offensive, and definitely not as weird as calling a baby sexy, that I can't get my head around!!

AitchwonderswhoFruitCrumbleis · 30/08/2009 23:19

ooooh, get you, emeritus professor of flirtology.

Mumcentreplus · 30/08/2009 23:20

very true sm..but he still loves the ladies esspecially the pretty ones..and I don't think it will change..whats weird is sexy babies

scottishmummy · 30/08/2009 23:22

have never heard sexy as an adage for children,yuk

AitchwonderswhoFruitCrumbleis · 30/08/2009 23:24

dd2 is a baby and definitely flirts with men, she bats her eyes, puts her head to one side coquettishly, giggles charmingly etc in a way that she really doesn't do with strange women. dd1 did it too, also with men rather than women, and i know a wee boy who does the same with me. and what are they getting out of it? positive attention, smiles, cuddles etc... all the stuff that babies love. what's not to like?

MIAonline · 30/08/2009 23:43

YANBU for it to irritate you, but it is commonly used, holds very little meaning and is just banter between parents of young babies.

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 31/08/2009 01:29

They are the same sort of people who say their baby is "sexy"

I've said my DS is 'flirting' and I'd never call a baby sexy. They are different IMO, when he's doing his coy cute smiling shy thing to someone, it kinda looks like he's flirting. There's nothing in it. It's ascribing a grown up motivation to something a baby does which people do a lot, it's cute. But it's not a sexual motivation.

claw3 · 31/08/2009 01:41

To me 'to flirt' has a romantic or sexual overture to it, not a term i would for babies.

NotanOtter · 31/08/2009 02:13

i agree op
loathsome
i knew someone did it all the time with her dd
bollocks its a baby fgs

thumbwitch · 31/08/2009 03:06

I have said this about DS - he does perk up, flutter his eyelashes and smile beatifically at pretty ladies, especially, rather than just anyone. Even more so if it gets him more attention. I don't see it as a sexual term particularly though - it's more a manipulative way of getting something he wants.

OTOH, I would never DREAM of calling him sexy - that is a completely inappropriate term to use of a small boy/baby.

PavlovtheForgetfulCat · 31/08/2009 03:18

It is all part of gender stereotyping that we expose our children to as they grow up, one those small things people say to distinguish the male role of sexual conquerer as they grow older.

In

WhereTheWildThingsWere · 31/08/2009 07:30

Flirting-fine

Heartbreaker-fine

Very old fashioned things to say to babies imo, and from an era where young children were not 'sexualized' at all.

An ancient nana on the the bus said to ds only the other day 'look at those big brown eyes, you're going to leave a trail of broken hearts'.

That took some interesting explaining to a 5yo.

however describing a child as 'sexy' is wrong, wierd and a bit creepy imo.

CarmenSanDiego · 31/08/2009 07:38

Oh, flirting and heartbreaker are all in good fun imo.

Although dh said one of our dds as a baby was flirting with a man in the supermarket queue once and the man in question said in a rather odd tone, "Rather young for that I think" so people can take it in different ways.

Sexy is just odd and yucky. I don't really see that word as innocent or playful at all.

junglist1 · 31/08/2009 08:45

I've actually said this, my youngest used to smile at blondes in particular. I see what you're saying though

AitchwonderswhoFruitCrumbleis · 31/08/2009 08:58

so i take it that those of you who think SNBU don't flirt with people unless you want to shag them? lord, i flirt with the newsagent... it so brightens up my day.
i am on constant twinkly-eyed flirt mode, it's such fun. you're missing out.

kathyis6incheshigh · 31/08/2009 08:59

According to a book I read on babies' development (www.amazon.co.uk/How-Babies-Think-Science-Childhood/dp/075381417X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books &qid=1251705411&sr=8-1 here]] it has a very specific meaning in relation to babies - nothing sexual, just the mirroring, holding eye contact then looking away behaviour that babies do to attract attention with both men and women. There is no sexual connotation.
My ds used to do this (with both sexes!), dd didn't so much. I think it's a useful word - don't see a problem with it.
It's interesting that no-one here seems to have heard of this usage (not sure I had either before I read the book) - maybe it's more common among the older generation?

kathyis6incheshigh · 31/08/2009 09:00

oops
&qid=1251705411&sr=8-1 link here

kathyis6incheshigh · 31/08/2009 09:00

aargh, having a bad link day
here

MamaGoblin · 31/08/2009 09:16

Sorry, but DS 'flirts' with all comers! And I say so, sometimes. Never seen a problem with it, not ever having attributed a sexual dimension to it. We do use the term 'flirt' in a non-sexual way, after all. And agree with Aitch that babies use all sorts of behaviours to be appealing, etc, to caregivers, otherwise they wouldn't survive.

Now, calling a baby 'sexy' - that is just wrong! But I've never come across it.

EyeballsintheSky · 31/08/2009 10:03

You didn't see DD at a christening when she was about 14 months. She strutted around the room batting her eyelashes at all the men and and smiling coyly. Flirting was the only word you could use to describe it. But of course it was just attention seeking and it's absurd to put any other meaning onto it.

DottyDot · 31/08/2009 10:15

Hmm. Agree that the whole 'sexy' thing is freakish. Ds2 however flirted from being a very small baby, with any woman near him. He bats his huge eyelashes very slowly, does a little dimply smile and gets what he wants. 5 years later this is still the case. He only does this with women and unfortunately, genetically comes from a long line of males in the family who are notorious flirts (I'm going to have to do something about it in about 10 years' time).

ds1 doesn't flirt, has never flirted and has no interest in attracting anyone's attention. The more people leave him alone, the better, from his point of view.

So, flirting as in getting lots of positive attention I think is probably the use of the word in this instance.