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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that actually DH is taking the piss

72 replies

plasticbag · 27/08/2009 21:16

I probably am - I have PMT

He has gone out this evening - obv fine.

He left straight after dinner and I bathed DC and put them to bed. Fairly unpleasant since they both have a cold and were a bit overtired.

then went down to tidy up.

Lunch dishes still in sink unwashed.

No space on any surface in kitchen so can't clear dinner dishes off table.

Toys all over the place in living room.

thing is, he is SAHD and I've been at work - I am stressed and tired.

I also have to do load of washing which I left for him this morning all ready to go in washer. He's ignored it.

Oh - he has partially cleaned the bathroom

OP posts:
Original poster
plasticbag · 27/08/2009 21:18

I should also add that DD was at school then at GPs today until 5pm so he only had DS all day.

and this is not a one-off, tis fairly normal

have namechanged as DH may read and couldn't be arsed with that conversation

OP posts:
CarGirl · 27/08/2009 21:18

Hmmm he's had 2 dc all day that have a cold & are overtired. He could have had a tough day tbh!

PinkTulips · 27/08/2009 21:19

if it were you at home all day with two sick kids would you have gotten much done?

it's impossible to tell if he's taking the piss without knowing what his day was like, if the kids were as out of sorts as you say he really might not have had a chance.

or he could be an arse who thinks SAHD = feck around the house and do sod all.

what is he usually like, is this unusual?

Original poster
plasticbag · 27/08/2009 21:19

Have to go and sort out kitchen

Ugh

OP posts:
CarGirl · 27/08/2009 21:19

OK well perhaps you need to have a little chat, or just not do the chores and leave them for him tomorrow?

MissisBoot · 27/08/2009 21:20

YABABU - but maybe he just needed some space

Am quite at your comment that he is a SAHD and you've been at work all day - what do you think he's been doing all day - he's not a cleaner - he's looking after your dc.

allaboutme · 27/08/2009 21:20

Do a fair share of it and leave the rest for him to tomorrow while you are at work!
Say in the morning 'sorry love, i did as much as I could last night but there was shit loads of mess left so had to leave some for you to sort today i;m afraid'

Original poster
plasticbag · 27/08/2009 21:21

No I agree with you both cargirl and pinktulips - he only had DS but he was a bit of a nightmare

How hard to wash lunch dishes though? and leave kitchen with the odd clear bit of worktop

I am just pissed off because I feel shite and I want to sit down or possibly go to bed and I can't

work stress and this too

at least he just has this

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Original poster
plasticbag · 27/08/2009 21:24

missisboot I only pointed that out because I don't expect the housework to be 50/50 if he is at home

I do expect him to do a bit more than me

I think that's fair.

I am only talking about washing dishes so they don't pile up

OP posts:
PinkTulips · 27/08/2009 21:24

x posts... if it's a regular occurance i think ye need to talk.

kids can make it hard to get anything done but it's very rare that dp has come home to absolutely nothing done all day, even when i was preg with spd, bad back and 2 toddlers to deal with so i don't think there's much excuse for a healthy man to not be able to manage simple tidying up and laundry during the day.

Original poster
plasticbag · 27/08/2009 21:28

That's kind of what I think too pinktulips

I am tryng not to be hard on him/ I would be shit as a SAHM and he is far more suited to it but I think our standards are totally different.

I don't want this to be a huge issue 10 years down the line - resentment etc

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ravenAK · 27/08/2009 21:39

Yes, I think if he's a SAHP (obvious disclaimer if lurgy or other special circumstances strike) then YANBU to assume he'll clear up after lunch - park dc in front of telly or colouring book, wash up & wipe down, takes 10 minutes, surely.

& he could've tidied the toys in the living room before going out.

I'd let him off the washing on the grounds that that's easily overlooked & anyway, you can bung it in now, no biggie.

Incidentally, a good friend of mine has a dp who is a SAHD & he does absolutely bugger all. She comes home & it's as if 2 dc have run riot all day, rather than one dc & one supposed adult! It drives her nuts.

So yes, I'd have to say to him 'Oi, I've been at work all day, I've done bedtime whilst you went out - WHY am I now cleaning the kitchen, tidying the living room & putting the washing on?'

cjones2979 · 27/08/2009 21:42

YANBU

My hubby would not be impressed if I pissed off out for the night leaving this much crap for him to clear up when he's been at work all day, and although I am a SAHM, I do actually work part-time from home AND manage to clean & tidy my house. Could never leave it in the state you say your hubby has left it in today....not even when DC's are ill.

Put your feet up, try to ignore it, and leave it for him to do tomorrow !!!

curiositykilled · 27/08/2009 21:51

I think you know YAB a bit U. Think it's very possible he could've had a hard day like some of the others but to me the issue is that this is effectively his job. You probably wouldn't like it if he came to your job and moaned about you not having finished your work the way he'd like. TBH I'd only moan at him about the cleaning if it was regularly not done and he was clearly taking the piss. I appreciate that you'd like to come home to a clean house though.

CarrieDababi · 27/08/2009 21:52

yabu esp if the childs been ill.

you said yourself just giving them a bath wasn't much fun.

you may have been working allday but so has he.

work together more, couldn't you both have given the place a quick once over before he left? or wasn;t there time.

tinkerbellesmuse · 27/08/2009 21:54

YANBU to expect that the lunch dishes be sorted.

Ok to leave the other stuff if he had had a crappy day with sick kids but would have raised an eyebrow that he couldn't have left 10 mins later to do a quick clean up in the kitchen.

PinkTulips · 28/08/2009 11:04

tinker, exactly, dp would never go out for the night without helping me tidy up first, even if a friend calls around here for him he leaves them waiting til we have the kids in bed and tidying done. Similarily if i knew i was going out at x time i'd put in extra effort to make sure i left as little work as possible for him to do.

mayorquimby · 28/08/2009 11:09

(waits patiently for the role reversal thread were the man gets thorn a new one for suggesting his wife is taking the piss at home when he's been out working all day)

CyradisTheSeer · 28/08/2009 11:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

PinkTulips · 28/08/2009 11:17

cyradis... but you're sick too and you still do the washing up and as much as you can with several sick kids.

OPs dh is perfectly healthy, only had one child all day, is out for the night yet couldn't do any washing up or tidying of any description all day.

BubbaAndBump · 28/08/2009 11:21

You're so right mayorquimby, he would be shot down in flames before he could even click the post message button (IMO, humble as it is).

beanieb · 28/08/2009 11:23

if it were me I would just leave it all in the sink for him to do when he gets back.

Original poster
plasticbag · 28/08/2009 11:29

Well I did the farking dishes (left the pots) and was calm and still awake when DH came home

I thought it was not worth saying anything, but we will be having a chat if it carries on

Cyradis my situation is not the reverse of yours, not at all

DH is perfectly well.

He had ONE child yesterday who has a cold - he was a bit of a nightmare, yes, but I am only talking about doing the lunch dishes so the kitchen was reasonably tidy for me going in to wash up after tea.

And maybe picking up some toys.

That's all.

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junglist1 · 28/08/2009 11:46

I still manage to get housework done with sick children, why couldn't he? Sick children sleep, watch DVD's and read, yet he couldn't wash up and pick a few toys off the floor. YANBU

Original poster
plasticbag · 28/08/2009 11:49

Have had time to reflect and this is what's really narking me.

He has this regular night out every week.

I hardly go out - my regular thing I had has kind of petered out and it seems so much effort to arrange anything else for me.

He has stuff that he will reliably do (usually washing up and cooking) but there's a whole load of stuff he never does including laundry and most cleaning.

I am knackered and stressed and he is doing my head in with other stuff too

Apologies as this has really become AIBU by stealth and I didn't mean it at all last night

I thought I really was annoyed by the mess when I posted last night.

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