To think that my friend should just recognise that her birth experience wasn't THAT bad?

[FreddysTeddy]

Have a feeling I'll get a few YABU's but interested in the overall consensus.

My friend had what I would describe as a difficult birth, she had a large baby, 24 hourish labour and failed ventouse then forceps delivery.

She doesn't go on and on about it to be fair, but if the subject of childbirth comes up she always talks about how awful her experience was.

Whilst I recognise that it wasn't a walk in the park I think she slightly over-eggs how bad it was as if it was the worst thing that ever happened to her.

I've got a friend who ended up with a crash section after three days in labour and one whose little one spent 6 weeks in SCBU so I guess I just think that they are the ones who really know what traumatic births are.

LilMissP oh how dreadful,losing a baby

chegirl - I'm sorry to hear about your dd. I'm quite stunned that no-one understood your concerns. I wouldn;t have done pre-labour, but you would have thought that anyone who has been through it, or who has a professional association with it would be aware of the possibility of this sort of emotional upset. I was completely taken aback, it has to be said, but when I was alone (usual story - hospital sent dh home and then left me totally on my own) and in pain, I cried buckets for those various sadnesses I listed in my other post. and most of them weren't really "mine" - it was a almost a form of vicarious grief I was feeling. they were all inextricably linked with life, birth etc. It was also quite an elightening experience - so much about life, and sadness, (and happiness too, I guess) made more sense - and was sharpened by it all (and presumably the various hormones coursing throught my body). I'm glad you coped ok in the end.

hatwoman there is a name for this type of memory. It escapes me at the moment. Somatic memory? summat like that.

Its not exactly the same but similar IMO. Memories of some trauma triggered by a smell, sound, experience etc.

The main reason I had a homebirth was to avoid these triggers, hospitals being a very difficult place for me.

But yes, I did cope fine so i was lucky.

I am sure there are many women who share the same fears for lots of reasons though.

I can totally 'get' why you felt the way you did.

I missed out a crucial bit of info - which ties it all together - dd was born on db's birthday. so it seemed to tie us all together - me, dh, dd, db, his birth-mother and mine and db's parents. it's hard to explain - (and getting off the point of of the op a bit) but it was an incredibly powerful thing - which I mentioned initially to make the point that birth is a very powerful intensely emotional experience - not always one that can be measured in terms of physical pain and outcomes.