To think that my friend should just recognise that her birth experience wasn't THAT bad?

[FreddysTeddy]

Have a feeling I'll get a few YABU's but interested in the overall consensus.

My friend had what I would describe as a difficult birth, she had a large baby, 24 hourish labour and failed ventouse then forceps delivery.

She doesn't go on and on about it to be fair, but if the subject of childbirth comes up she always talks about how awful her experience was.

Whilst I recognise that it wasn't a walk in the park I think she slightly over-eggs how bad it was as if it was the worst thing that ever happened to her.

I've got a friend who ended up with a crash section after three days in labour and one whose little one spent 6 weeks in SCBU so I guess I just think that they are the ones who really know what traumatic births are.

Each persons birth experience is different..really not on to tell them their feelings are not valid or over the top
even if you believe that to be the case keep it to yourself.

YABU.

yabu.
I had a forceps delivery, no epidural and only gas and air, was taumatic in the extreme for me. I thought my baby had died, the agony of her being pulled out is something Ill never forget, it truly felt like all my insides were being ripped open. It gets worse, I wont go on but I think you should have some empathy for your friend.

YABU.
One person's definition of a traumatic birth is different from another's. It probably was the worst thing that ever happened to her. If she had a birth plan, and had to deviate away from it then she may ahve a terrible sense of failiure. Giving birth is such an overwhelming experience; if it doesn't go right I imagine its terrible.
Sometimes I think people ahve a very strange idea of friendship...

So, if talking about childbirth are you only allowed to contribute if your birth was entirely positive and easy and you feel like you had a great time of it all?

Newwedding, totally agree. I had forceps with inadequate pain relief and I will never, ever forget the sensation of DD being ripped out of me.

I can only describe is as feeling as though I had been disemboweled.

yabu.shes your 'friend'.
i spent 3 years 'over-egging' dc3 birth.it was beautiful and horrible at the same time.id go into detail but know you'd not appreciate it-end result is no more dc for me,which has taken 3 years to get used too.i used to talk to anyone who would listen(in rl and on here!)just because it just wouldn't sink in.
you are a selfish 'friend'.

My dd's birth was the worst thing that ever happened to me.

I tend not to talk about it in rl but that is just because I don't want to get into competitive awful birth stories. Someone has always had a worst birth than you. My sil's sister, for instance, nearly died post partum and her baby is severely brain damaged.

I sort of know what you mean, op ...

But otoh if you are a troll ... please eff off!

I had a failed induction turned crash section under GA, and I'm sure it was more fun than a faile ventouse follwed by a forceps delivery. A par of tngs up my fanjo it probably my worst childbirth fear. Yuck. ouch. No thank you. Open the sunroof please.

Oh good grief. Please excuse the typing.

I had a similar birth, although I also had a PPH, and still feel traumatised nearly 3 years later. YABVVVVVVVVVVVVU and quite horrible.

holy shit, am I your friend???

Does she talk about the 3 failed inductions as well? And the Erb's palsy?
And the year of incredibly painful sex afterwards due to the bad stitch-up job? Followed by a bad operation, leading to haemorraging?

YABU
it may well have been the worst thing that happened to her. it sounds a bit like my first labour and it was horrendous- for me! i know that people have hideously bad labours, and i know there are a lot of people worse off than me, but it was still a fairly traumatic experience, and other people suffering more does not take that away from me iyswim?

you've said it was horrible, you've said she doesn't go on and on so wwhat's the problem?
maybe it is cathartic for her to talk about it an that's why she gets a bit full-on?

I think YABU. I'll try to explain why. It isn't just what happened in terms of instruments etc etc...

I had DC1 with induction, epidural, episiotomy forceps. Stitched fine. Moderately quick physical recovery. (37 week delivery).

I had DC2 with induction. Had no pain relief aside from a few mins of G&A and tore my previous episiotomy open. Stitched fine. Very quick physical recovery. (37 week delivery).

However, I am still pretty traumatised by DC2's birth and was never at all traumatised by DC1's birth which I had actually considered pretty much fine. The difference was (different hospitals) that I felt that me and my baby were safe at birth no 1, even though I had far more intervention etc. I felt that me and DC2 were EXTREMELY unsafe during that birth (especially baby). My care was appalling (severe staff shortage) and I am totally blessed that she was OK. It was terrifying, seriously, I just can't describe it. It goes down in the hospital records as a "straighforward vaginal delivery" which disgusts me.

dearie me you are coming across as very ignorant op. i had the kind of delivery you probably would class as bad. but i still wouldn't swap it for what happened to your 'friend'.

i do hope you don't roll your eyes and belittle her trauma.

I think people need to talk about a traumatic birth experience. It can be quite a shock, especially with the first, when you have a beautiful natural birth plan. It can take a long while to get over it. Sure some people have had a "worse" experience than your friend. But she still needs to talk about it and needs time to get over it.
So YABU.

I had ok births with my DCs but still felt the need to talk about it after (especially after DC1) because it is such a huge thing just to give birth. If you add to that any trauma and difficulties suffered I think your friend needs to talk it through to understand what happened etc. As her friend you should be willing to listen and help her process the experience in her head not judge and dismiss what she is saying.

I've got a friend who had a crash section after becoming critically ill with pre-eclampsia , was in ICU for 4 days after her DS's birth the most horrendous sounding birth. She brushes the whole thing off (and it was less than a year ago) as "one of those thing".

She thinks my 2nd DS's birth was horrendous - and it was nothing on hers (imo) although it did haunt me for years.

Can't compare birth experiences

Aha, so some of you do agree with me

Have you ever given birth, Freddysteddy? Just curious.

YABU - sounds horrendous to me.

2 people could have had the same birth as you described in OP

for one, it may have been a "bad, but ok-ish" experience

for the second, it may have been a horrendous experience

there are lots of other factors at play...differing emotions, different level of pain threshold, different treatment by hospital staff, differing levels of ability to cope with staff, and etc etc

you really are being very unreasonable

Why start this? It's obvious it's going to upset people.

Everyone's birth experience is unique to them. There's no competition. Birth is as psychological as it is physical. You can't compare one person's fear and pain levels with another.

So stupid. It's like saying, 'But think of the starving orphans in Africa' whenever anyone complains about anything. We're humans. No matter how good our life is, there will be moments of sadness or pain and we're allowed to express those. Unless your friend is an unsympathetic arse.

Sorry that should read, "Unless our 'friends' are unsympathetic arses"