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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to object to this after work drink?

67 replies

motherlovebone · 21/08/2009 10:12

last friday eve DP was not contactable for two hours (was expecting him home at 7ish, at 9ish i got through and he was waiting for his train) he had been for a pint with a colleague. i was fuming, and said he must tell me beforehand. this morning he informs me he may be going for a drink after work, i objected.
i am already on my own for 12 hours, this takes it to 14.
i dont want this friday night drink to become a weekly thing.
AIBU?

OP posts:
OrmIrian · 21/08/2009 10:15

Yes. If it's only once a week I think you are. Does he get steaming drunk, does he have to get poured out of the taxi, does he get lost, does he disappear for the night?

Anyway you told him to tell you beforehand. He did.

AMumInScotland · 21/08/2009 10:15

Personally, I'd say it's fine this time - after all he has told you beforehand, which is what you asked for - but then have a chat about how much you look forward to him getting home and you wouldn't want it to become a regular thing.

GetOrfMoiLand · 21/08/2009 10:17

Personally I think this is OK. A couple of hours is not too big a deal, and he has told you, which you asked. It's not as if he will be rolling in steaming at 3am.

DP likes to have a pint after work on a Friday, it's a weekly wind down where they can sit and gossip about colleagues and review the week. It's fine.

dinkystinky · 21/08/2009 10:17

YABU - its twice in 2 weeks not every night, he told you this time and its nice to have the odd beer in the sun while its here.

cupofteaplease · 21/08/2009 10:19

I think YABU. I know it is hard when you are home all day and look forward to your dh coming home, but equally, he has had a tough week at work and is entitled to a 2 hour trip to the pub. If it was every night, then I'd say YA def NBU, but once a week- let it slide.

Also, arrange to go for a drink with a friend another night during the week to even it out

violethill · 21/08/2009 10:20

YABU and very bossy.

Why on earth are you on your own for 12 hours?!

Get a job and go for a drink afterwards yourself! You might enjoy it!

IneedacleanerIamalazyslattern · 21/08/2009 10:21

YABU I can understand that it feels like a long day for you but it is only once a week and he isn't staying out all night is he?
Can you not get out and about with the dc's in the day and make the day seem less long and maybe organise a night out for yourself with the girls.

GibbonInARibbon · 21/08/2009 10:21

YABU

MmeLindt · 21/08/2009 10:22

Oh, this could be me. I was fuming last week as DH did the same.

I know that it is hard to be on your own and just want DH to come home but I find it is important for both partners to get out of the house alone occasionally.

DH normally goes out once a week with colleagues after work, I am quite happy with that as long as I know in advance.

Do you go out with friends occasionally?

Reallytired · 21/08/2009 10:22

Do you have the opportunity to get out and do something for yourself? Is your husband prepared to look after the kids while you go off and do something nice?

I see nothing wrong with you dp going out once a week, provided you get the same opportunity.

I remember having a row with my husband when he wanted to play table tennis FOUR nights a week and I had newborn. Thankfully he has grown up quite a lot in the last seven years and we find a comprise.

curiositykilled · 21/08/2009 10:22

I think it's unreasonable to stop him, he's not unreasonable going for a drink with his mate after work once a week and coming home at 9pm. I would suggest making some time for yourself to do the same. I have resigned myself to never going out however as none of my friends are able to get out when I ask and no-one asks me when they go (they ask DH, which irritates me) cos they assume I'll be at home with the kids.

tiredOFTHEDMemma · 21/08/2009 10:23

YABU.

He is a grown man, not a 12 year old.

You said he should tell you beforehand, he did and you say no?

What is the problem with him having a pint after work on a friday?

I dont understand?

Overmydeadbody · 21/08/2009 10:27

Yes YABU

You are not his mother ffs.

Overmydeadbody · 21/08/2009 10:28

He told you beforehand.

He shouldn't have to ask your permission.

stickylittlefingers · 21/08/2009 10:33

YABU. Sometimes the drink after work can be an important part of work - bonding with the co-workers - as well as winding down. Wouldn't always know exactly when it's going to happen, if he's anything like me.

Don't be too dependent on your dh for your social intercourse. It's bound to cause problems.

MrsBadger · 21/08/2009 10:39

YABU

make some friends

OrmIrian · 21/08/2009 10:41

I work full-time. I don't go for a drink after work. But I do get home and go straight out for a 1 - 2 hr run most Fridays. Would you object to this? I need to wind down - some do it with a drink in the pub. I am sure you need downtime too but don't depend on your DH to provide that for you. Book a night to go out and do something you enjoy.

WidowWadman · 21/08/2009 10:41

YABU. Let him have his after work drink.

But make sure that he looks after the kid(s) once in a while so that you can go out for a drink or whatever, too. That way you build up less unneccessary resentment.

edam · 21/08/2009 10:42

Think everyone who has said fair enough as long as you get the same opportunity for 'time off' is right.

LaurieFairyCake · 21/08/2009 10:44

You sound really resentful of him having 2 hours to himself. That should point out to you that you need that too.

You need to get out the house. Could he look after children for Saturday morning so you can get out on your own?

Original poster
motherlovebone · 21/08/2009 10:45

i have friends and plenty to do.
i dont make plans for eves/w'ends as i like to be with DP.
if he has friday and i have saturday we would only meet sunday, not poss anyway as im bf.
im not dependant on dp for social intercourse, rather sexual intercourse, and he wants to be having a pint instead.
!

OP posts:
Floopy21 · 21/08/2009 10:46

YABU. If someone told me how to organise all my time, I'd resent them. Go out for big fat glass of wine & raise a glass to your DH.

MmeLindt · 21/08/2009 10:46

So you are seeing friends during the day, but he is not allowed to go out evenings or weekends?

When does he get to see his friends?

LaurieFairyCake · 21/08/2009 10:47

But it's not all Saturday, it's 2 hours.

You are beng unreasonable about 2 hours on a Friday night.

Surely you can wait a while for sex

edam · 21/08/2009 10:47

Fine, you don't want to go out, but that's your choice - don't resent dp, it's entirely normal for him to want to go for a drink after work one day a week.

Btw, you don't have to make it Fri/Sat, you could always go out on a Thurs or any other evening. Or take a couple of hours off at the weekend to, I dunno, browse the shops or sit in a cafe with a good book. (Unless you have a tiny baby and are b/f on demand - in which case you can make it clear you will be grabbing a couple of hours once baby is older.)