to expect my son aged 11 to be asleep at this hour?

[TheLadyEvenstar]

forget all other posts i have put up they are irrelevant.

I have made plans to take him to the coast tomorrow with his friend her mum myself and ds2.

So at 9 i asked him to go to bed and allowed him to watch a film. I just went to put ds2 into his bed (he goes to sleep on sofa and i transfer him when i go to bed) and find ds1 still awake, but him thinking he is smarter than me closes his portable dvd player down when he hears me coming up hallway.

I have removed the dvd player and am seriously doubting going tomorrow, because

1- i cannot go to bed until he is asleep
2- he will be hard to get up in the morning
3- he will be a total grump all day because he is tired
4- he has just told me to get lost and get out of his life...all i said is you have lost your dvd player until you learn not to the mickey out of me. (and i did not even argue i walked away, ok sounds silly but i am proud of myself!)

i think you are AMAZING. i think you're a fabulous parent who is clearly doing everything you can to try and make things better. i take my hat off to you, i really do, and i hope you get more support.

can't offer advice, my kids are too young but i'm sure your ds1 will look back one day and thank you for all you're doing for him.

wow well done!!

I echo everyone saying having a look at the SN boards. My DS does not have SN and I still have a look around there, you never know what you might learn.

And hold onto the "Me Parent, You Kid" thought tomorrow when he starts, and the day after. Remember you are the boss, regardless of what he thinks and when he gets that through his head he is going to be a MUCH happier kid, cause then he can relax and BE a kid, and not worry about stuff that he doesn't need to yet.

another attention seeking thread on AIBU?

TLES - If you continue with this attention seeking, ds1 bashing behaviour I am going to report you to mumsnet. This is hugely inappropriate, I am . If you are looking for support you need to post on parenting/behaviour/sleep.

he has decided that the living room looks better without the travel cot in here so he is emptying it so it can be collapsed..

How is this 'taking the control back'.. why is he deciding how your house looks best. It is yet another controling behaviour you have allowed him to get away with. Children DO NOT decide how a room looks

Your son sounds like a handful, but you sound like a nightmare too!

Curiosity, get a grip how am i attention seeking? I asked a question LAST NIGHT.
I am not bashing ds at all...just because i don't agree with you on everything it does not give you the right to threaten me. Sorry i didn't realise I had to ask your permission to post on here in future i will seek you out and ask first.

Oldraver, it was something he was asked to do 3 days ago and has come round to understanding what i had been saying,i didn't need to explain all of that well i didn't think i did.

And for the record he does have a say in the home he lives in to an extent...for example we ask him what colour he would want his bedroom and bathroom.

Belgianchox and you of course are so so perfect aren't you? your children (if you have any) are perfect as well i suppose?

Oh look I have had enough of this bullshit from idiotic people who think they know MY yes MY son better than me. I am going across the board to find some ADULTS to talk to who have not got their heads so far up their own arses that if they went any further they would get lost.

Shine, I am going to talk to drs tomorrow about one, thanks for all your advice.

I never asked anyone to agree with me 100% or at all in that matter but personal attacks on me??? nahh i don't think so.

Agree with oldraver. You have to stop fannying about . He should not be rearranging the living room, he should be in bed . This is not him being good.

why should he have been in bed at 19.40???

Ok forgot the time difference sorry. Still shouldn't be telling you hoe the living room should look though,

Keep, it was something i had said 3 days ago and had asked him to help me by putting the toys which were being stored in it away. the toys were his and ds2's. Tonight he just stood up and said "You know I think the living room will look better without the travel cot in here dont you mum"

I looked at dp and vice versa, looked back to ds1 and said "You know I think you are right"

he was beaming as he did it and has even gone to bed without a fuss at 9pm and has NOT moaned or asked for his light!!!!!!!!!

TLE, I can very much understand your problems with your DS - as I have some of the same with my own DS1, who is the same age.

My DS was also exposed to a dysfunctional relationship (with my Ex, his stepfather - my DS has never known his real dad). He never saw any violence, but he did see a lot of 'bad' behaviour - screaming, shouting, throwing things, real emotional abuse He also spent a lot of time with adults, as I have a large circle of friends, none of whom have children.

I can see now I have not imposed many rules on him; he has never had a fixed bedtime (& is up now chatting to his friends on msn), has always been up until all hours - this last week has been particularly bad, he has been up til midnight every night. He also is rude to me, answers back all the time and argues black is white. But only if I ask him to do anything.

For example, I have been asking him for the last hour to go and have a bath. I cannot physically force him, as he is a big, very strong boy for his age. Every time I prompt him, he refuses. This is because he is doing something he wants (ie on MSN) & therefore will not do what I want.

Other times if he's not doing anything, he is happy to help me, will tidy up, make beds, collect washing etc. So I end up not asking him to do anything if he is busy.....tiptoeing around his moods like I'm the child!

I never imposed rules on him because I didn't want to make him unhappy. The irony I suppose is that he is unhappy now probably because at least in part of the lack of rules. I am going to try and give him more boundaries going forward, and hope this works. However I am conscious that I can't change 11 years overnight.

In terms of your DS, I entirely appreciate his problems are more complex, & am not sure I can offer advice in my situation, but just wanted you to know that you are not alone

hate, i wish you all the best....wish i could talk to you off of here!!!

"..another attention seeking thread on AIBU?

TLES - If you continue with this attention seeking, ds1 bashing behaviour I am going to report you to mumsnet. This is hugely inappropriate, I am . If you are looking for support you need to post on parenting/behaviour/sleep."

I think that this is a very unkind post, curiositykilled. TLES posted at 1am that her son wouldn't go to sleep. At that time in the morning, and at the end of her tether, why is it such a huge crime that she posted this in AIBU? She's living with a very difficult situation, day in, day out for years, and she's supposed to make sure every thread is in exactly the right section of the site? She's not supposed to want anyone to see that she's tired, frustrated?

Do you really think that threatening her is the right or kind thing to do, given the things she is having to deal with on a daily basis - because I certainly don't!

Surely she would have posted the same information wherever the thread was started, so how would placing it in parenting or behaviour or sleep have made it different?

Stewie, yes there is a 3rd child who does have serious behaviour issues. However there has been no contact (by dss choice) for a year now. So on that front, i have got to admit that i cannot see the affect.

When your dss was in contact, how did that affect the family?

stayingsunny - because she asks AIBU and then refuses to accept it if people say she is which then means the thread descends into her listing the repeated crimes of her DS. If she posted looking for advice on another thread rather than asking people AIBU and then being nasty about her children she'd be much more likely to get advice and support and wouldn't have to make the thread all about the crimes of her ds. She always does this, IMO it's because she thinks she is not BU and listing the crimes of DS will help people see this. I think this cycle is potentially very damaging for her DS who has been known to read her mumsnet posts.

If you search her name she has always posted on AIBU. Lots of people have said to her it's not the most appropriate place, the language she uses and the way she describes her children I find very offensive. She has posted so much personal information that I now know her full name, her two children's names, the area she lives, the name of her child's CP, not to mention many intimate details of her relationships with her children, step-children and her ds1's teacher. I have also seen a few pics of her children.

In short, what always happens when she posts on AIBU is that she ends up justifying why she is not BU instead of getting the support and advice which she seems to need.

I have reported to mumsnet anyway - for her DS's sake as I believe the way she speaks about him is inappropriate. It was suggested to her quite a while before she started this thread that AIBU is not the most appropriate place.

Keep
this is a told tale however i am aware not everyone knows it...

dss was and is a demanding child (almost 16 now) dp and dss mum split when dss was 10 yrs old. we have been together since 2006.
When i met dp he had a difficult time with dss not wanting to come and visit him. Then i sat down with dp and said to him "you need to make more of an effort with dss because as far as i can see you are doing to him what ds1's father is doing to him"

then dp realised and did make more of an effort which basically meant everytime we saw him we had to do something/go somewhere/buy him something. And it came to a head last christmas when having been out of work since June DP and I agreed a £50 limit on all 3 boys. He phoned dss to tell him this and he was told by dss "either buy me an electric guitar or i won't see you again" DP explained we just could not afford it as he was redundant and looking for work.

DSS, was a bully to ds1, he would dig him and on a few occassion hit him. one time because ds1 was playing his own guitar (we had bought both of them guitars the previous christmas).

DS1 and DSS got on great other than that. Initially it was all great fun for everyone and then the demands got bigger and we got skinter especially when i was pg with ds2. So it became a stressful time....for everyone.

its a shame really because dss like ds1 is a great kid...

Stewie, you know I never thought of that!!! DS1 is always asking when we are going to see DSS. DP tries to make contact and DSS just doesn't want to know...... I knew buying the second bed was not going to work !!!!!!!!!!! lol

Curiosity....the way i describe my children??? the language i use about them???And if you have all that information on me then give the girl a hand her searching skills are brilliant!!!! FGS you are really like a dog with a bone. Have you noticed, I am TALKING to people not at them or about them. I posted on here because I was up at silly o'clock wanting someone to talk to as ds1 was playing up....it is not a crime. You are making this a bigger issue.

Curiosity...so it is UNREASONABLE to want an 11 yr old who has to get up at 7 to be asleep at 1am....ok i shall go and wake him up cos it is unreasonable me wanting him to sleep

I have taken a lot of advice, i am answering more than one person at a time and tbh i have taken bits of advice from many of the people i am talking to. I wonder if there are deeper issues within yourself which are making you so wound up on this situation....because lets face it I am not talking about anyone but my son and how he behaves, i have not made any personal attacks on anyone..but for some reason unbeknown to myself you feel better by reporting me....well when would you like your medal