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AIBU?

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Original poster

on insisting that my DD has sensible school shoes age 11

68 replies

jaxxyj · 14/08/2009 14:25

It is that time of year again when i need to negotiate with my daughter about new school shoes, i want her to choose from a reputable make which will fit them properly, she wants fashion. She has problems with flat feet and wears insoles. She says she will get bullied. Im trying to find a comprimise on what's best for her feet without feeling I'm bowing to her response to peer pressure. Finding it hard to keep a cool head in various shoe shops!

OP posts:
Sheeta · 14/08/2009 14:27

Difficult one - hopefully someone will come along soon with some suggestions.

I do clearly remember the trauma of being forced to wear hideous Clarkes shoes at school though. shudder

MoonIsATiredSlayer · 14/08/2009 14:27

She probably will get bullied - kids are horrible. Surely there must be some reasonably trendy but practical shoes out there??

Luckily I have boys. Can't imagine they will ever want sparkly heels but you never know

AramintaCane · 14/08/2009 14:29

Rocket Dog do plain black flats with a bar. Same price as startrite.

SecretSlattern · 14/08/2009 14:30

This sounds like me when I was younger. I had massive feet for a teen and they were always really wide. All the other girls had nice trendy shoes and my parents insisted I had to have sensible shoes to accomodate my alien feet. One year I had to go back in mens and had the pissed ripped right out of me. I was bullied anyway because of my size so adding that to the mix wasn't very pleasant and still affects me now. Lots of old school "friends" added me on FB and I had to decline their invites because it conjures up all sorts of unpleasant memories.

I think I would be inclined to let her show you what she thinks are suitable, you show her what you think and then attempt to reach a compromise that way. I agree that you should not give in to peer pressure, but for me, the memories of being taunted and teased are still quite prominent ten years later.

AramintaCane · 14/08/2009 14:37

dd same age says go for Rocket Dog they are the coolest plus comfortable she also wears insoles.

herbietea · 14/08/2009 14:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

OurLadyOfPerpetualSupper · 14/08/2009 14:55

They sell Rocket Dog at our local National Schoolwear branch - agree they're the nicest (having already bought DD's okayish but not as nice at Jones's.)

frogs · 14/08/2009 15:00

Mwahahah. Have fun.

Are you going to try and make her wear a winter coat as well?

These ones are not too bad by the way, managed to get dd1 to wear them until the end of Y8. And on sale too. I have since thrown in the towel on the shoe front and she now wears £8 ballet pumps from Shoe Express like everyone else.

stealthsquiggle · 14/08/2009 15:10

Tricky one. She has a point about being bullied. At the time I loathed the fact that my senior school (independent sector) mandated a choice of 2 styles of (Clarks/Startrite) indoor shoe and 2 of outdoor shoes. Now I am somewhat relieved to note that the school which DS is likely to end up at still does the same.

Rocket Dog looks like a reasonable compromise, but what would I know? I was deeply untrendy even at school, and my 2.9yo DD is currently refusing to wear her new doodles in favour of old (too small, falling apart) M&S fake crocs so I will have no chance if her future schools don't mandate shoe styles.

gingernutlover · 14/08/2009 15:14

i have wide feet and crappy knees and have to wear insoles for arch support which are quite chunky and always had to wear start rites to primary school

luckily when i was older kickers and doc martens were in fashion and they are also sturdy enough to support my feet

i now buy a lot of my shoes in schuh and moshulu and also in evans (who do wide fittings) and from the new look wide fitting range. They are trendy but sensible at the same time

My ballet pumsp for work come from evans and look very similar to the cheapy trendy ones but are so much better for my feet, but they don't look like sensible shoes iykwim

might also be worth trying an independent shoe shop, who will stock a wide range and always seem better at suggesting what I want.

GrapefruitMoon · 14/08/2009 15:16

You might get away with something sensible in Yr 7 but by Yr8, forget it!

And don't bother with a winter coat...

gingernutlover · 14/08/2009 15:17

some of tese are really nice

GrinnyPig · 14/08/2009 15:22

DD2 is 12 and I have just bought her new school shoes from an independent shop which stocks start rite, ricosta and pineapple. DD chose pineapple pumps. They look very similar to the cheap pumps, but are better quality and fit properly.

Now, if you could just help me with DD1 I would be happy.

danthe4th · 14/08/2009 15:25

Clarks have a really good choice of ballet pump style with a proper sole. I bought my son a pair of shoes in the sale got a 20% off voucher for adult shoes and bought my eldest dd age 14 a really sensible pair, she is highly fashion conscience and very happy, thank goodness, only cost £24, my other dd age 12 who has huge feet size 7H and loves the bootleg clarks but they were £36, ballet style with one thin strap across.Weve done all the cheap shoes, when they first started high school, they slopped about in them they lasted about 6 weeks and then they asked for some new ones and I got them clarks and weve been fine ever since.

AramintaCane · 14/08/2009 15:26

I was going to post about coats. Is it hopeless what do you do ?

teamcullen · 14/08/2009 15:39

My DD is going into yr 9. She has had Kickers since she started secondary school which are great, especially in the cold dark months, trugging through the rain at 7.30 in the morning with a heavy bag and no coat because they are too bulky over her wool blazer, which stinks of cat piss when it gets wet.

Sorry, I was trying to give real advice but got carried away feeling sorry for DD.

Really though, Kickers are great and very acceptable in secondary school.

Pricey but they last all year. (DD is very heavy wearing on shoes.)

frogs · 14/08/2009 15:41

Araminta -- you do nothing because there's nothing you can do. You can make occasional smartarse comments when you see them go all blue and shivering: "Well you see, there are these clever things called coats and most people wear them, and that's why everybody else isn't actually wet and shivery like you..." but it won't make any real difference when they go out with their mates who are all wearing a thin jumper and canvas pumps in the snow.

If you have a meltdown over it the following will happen: (a) she will hate you because you've fuelled her teenage sense of being misunderstood and unjustly treated by her unreasonable parents; and (b) she will put the coat on to leave the house and then take it off as soon as she's round the first corner, where she will stuff it into the bottom of her bag so that no-one will see her with the incriminating item.

The only possible solution is to send her to a secondary school that insists on coats or jackets and enforces the rule by checking the girls as they leave. But even then the coat-wearing will only apply to and from school, so on weekends it will be business as usual.

Don't fight it, just roll your eyes and enjoy being warm and snuggly in your own coat.

Yurtgirl · 14/08/2009 15:42

Interesting about coats - what do they do when it is really cold?

Here secondary school kids wear school uniform sweatshirts and many seem perfectly happy to wear a coat if it is cold

MmeLindt · 14/08/2009 15:43

YABU

Said with the memory of being the LAST GIRL in the class wearing Clark shoes.

I used to put my electric blue stilettos in my school bag and change on the way to school.

Tortington · 14/08/2009 15:43

i always went with ankle boots - thinking of the oncomming winter - and sometimes they have a v. small heel which helpts the negotiation

AramintaCane · 14/08/2009 15:44

frogs - I love you you saved me fifty pounds you wise thing you.

stealthsquiggle · 14/08/2009 15:48

Araminta you do realise that by not buying her a coat you will be deeply infringing her inalienable teenage right to leave a perfectly good coat on the floor/in her bag/in her locker at school all winter?

Saxonne · 14/08/2009 15:49

Frogs, your post rang many bells with me. DD1 is 14 and going into year 10, she has not worn a coat to school since the winter of year 7. On a cold/wet day the girls flutter their eyelashes at the boys and get them to lend their coats, then don't bother to give them back, last winter my house was full of adidas hoodies reeking of Lynx.

AramintaCane · 14/08/2009 15:50

ha ha ha ha but think how cool she will be Stealth she will have the meanest mum in school. The one who didn't even buy a coat.

HSMM · 14/08/2009 15:53

My DD just going in to year 6 nearly went into meltdown in Clarks and I made the rash statement that when she got to secondary school, she can buy her own shoes and wreck her feet. I just know that I am going to regret that next year! but at least she's in 'sensible' shoes this year.

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