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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

on insisting that my DD has sensible school shoes age 11

68 replies

jaxxyj · 14/08/2009 14:25

It is that time of year again when i need to negotiate with my daughter about new school shoes, i want her to choose from a reputable make which will fit them properly, she wants fashion. She has problems with flat feet and wears insoles. She says she will get bullied. Im trying to find a comprimise on what's best for her feet without feeling I'm bowing to her response to peer pressure. Finding it hard to keep a cool head in various shoe shops!

OP posts:

seeker · 17/08/2009 07:10

I was going to smugly link to the shoes my dd wore happily all through year 8 and wants again for year 9, only to discover that they don't seem to make them any more. They were these but in black leather, not patent. lasted all year, comfortable, met both my and dd's criteria for shoes, and her friends wanted them too. Just hoping they have them in the shops, otherwise..waaaahhhhhhh!

nappyaddict · 18/08/2009 00:12

If the shoe shop seem to think only lace up shoes are any good what does she normally wear with her insoles out of school and does she have a problem with them or not?

Most of the girls round here seem to wear this sort of thing.

I like the ones seeker linked to but not sure if they'd look right with a skirt.

CarmenSanDiego · 18/08/2009 00:27

Rocketdog is nice, but what about Dr Martens or ecco?

I have gorgeous pair of DM shoes - red Mary Janes with a wedge heel. Beautifully made, sturdy and trendy. Might be worth a look. Hush Puppies too perhaps.

I thought sturdier shoes were fashionable these days but maybe I'm out of touch

Clary · 18/08/2009 00:48

What I want to know is how they keep them on their feet?

I see them slipping about with shoes like the rocket dogs and well I would just be falling out of them.

Sigh. DD is 8. Last year she wore some gorge Start-rite zip up miniboots.

This summer she has demanded sandals - the beginning of the end?

plonker · 18/08/2009 01:38

My dd is only 9, but vetoed all the shoes in clarks

I took her to an independant shoe shop and got her this pair of hush puppies

These were just about acceptable to her, but I have to say, the Rocket Dog and Kickers linked on here are probably more up her street and I think that's where we'll be heading next year ...

Oh, and she may only be 9, but the 'coat' thing started last year

dailymailIsPerfectAsaPoopScoop · 18/08/2009 04:44

my DD wears all black converse boots or the flat black ballet pump type shoe at secondary school.

No coat, well she has a nice one, but i only ever see her in it when it snows.

Latootle · 18/08/2009 12:51

I cant believe that a 9 yr old is allowed to refuse all school shoes no matter where they were being bought. Mother get a grip, or what will it be like in a few years or even less. But there is a compromise, allow her within reason to choose an out of school pair.

plonker · 18/08/2009 15:54

"Mother get a grip" - nice

She didn't throw a hissy fit, she didn't demand to see alternatives, she didn't sulk or foot stamp ...she just didn't like them. I respect that.

She may only be 9 but she still to wear them, yes? Her choice wasn't unreasonable - she isn't strutting about in 3 inch stilletos!

I can't beleive I'm explaining myself to you

You raise your kids and I'll raise mine. Ok.

LadyHooHa · 18/08/2009 15:57

YABU. My friend at school was forced into Clarks at that age. She subsequently dropped out of school and took drugs as an act of rebellion. Post hoc and so on...

GetOrfMoiLand · 18/08/2009 16:02

This tread reminds me of the shopping trip from hell last yeat traipsing round the whole of Cheltenham looking for shoes, and ending up finding some which were 'acceptable' in Jones fucking Bootmakers.

Luckily dd isn't the high heel type - they're 'sad' apparently, but she does have fussy taste.

Don't buy a coat (waste of money) and don't buy a jumper yet either. They will wear the jumper whilst it is still warm, take it off at school and lose it. Buy the jumper when it gets cold.

Don't be conned into spending £35 on stationery either, max a tenner at Tesco. It all gets lost/defaced/used as a missile in the first month.

Geocentric · 18/08/2009 16:08

After reading this thread I can't help thanking my lucky stars that mandatory school footwear over here are... trainers!

Although I can see myself having to deal with the inevitable future complaints of "but all the cool kids have xxx brand/model" - ugh, not looking forward to DDs teenage years, she's bad enough at 5!!!

Clary · 18/08/2009 18:45

Just asked DD (8) and she says (of Rocket Dogs) "ugh!" and then "you're not allowed to wear those at school anyway because of all the running around you have to do."

Phew.

(Plonker I think those Hush Puppies are fine actually).

Clary · 18/08/2009 18:45

Sorry DD says she wanted me to put in a Not sure what I am envious of tho!

Clary · 18/08/2009 18:47

sorry she said grin not green! gaaaaahhhh

stealthsquiggle · 19/08/2009 10:02

plonker those hush puppies are sensible, are likely to be well made, and meet all the criteria.

My DD is 2.5 and has (and is allowed) strong opinions on shoes - I certainly think you are right to take into account the views of a 9yo. Because my senior school mandated the exact style of shoe my mother and I were at least always united in loathing of them and resenting the ridiculous amount of money they cost .

plonker · 19/08/2009 22:16

Thanks Clary and stealth

edam · 19/08/2009 22:25

Sometimes I am SO grateful that I have a boy...

My mother was still insisting on Clark's T bars when I was in secondary - about age 13. Oh, the shame of it. Or it would have been, had I not left them at the bottom of the wardrobe and worn something crappy I got from cheapo shoe shop with my Saturday job money.

tickfeckingtock · 19/08/2009 22:33

Irfuse to buy my DD silly little ballet pumps as she has dodgy ankles and shoes with narrow heels or soft baks offer no support, Gran buys her silly shoes and wonders why they are wrecked in a few weeks. Other relations have passed comments that I am a big spoil sport. Are they gouing to replace the crappy shoes every few weeks, I don't think so.

I grew up having to wear sensible shoes, thanks to having the same dodgy ankles and a sensible mum. I don't want DD to be singled out fro wearing clumpy shoes but I don't want to make her ankles worse.

I think a lot of the bullying depends on the child and parents attitude anyway, lets face it if it isn't tjhe shoes it will be something else they slag them off for.

Thankfully this year DD wanted the same trainers as her brother, nice and comfy and she even ties them tight enough that she has to tie them each time and not slip them on and off.

Negotiate and find a comprimise, may involve a long slog and propbably not clarks or startright but as long as you check they fit ok (lets face it shoe shop assisatant don't have GCSEs in shoe fitting. look for solid backs and wider heels, not too much gapping.

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