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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To Think May Be A Bit Of A Slapper!

72 replies

juicyjolly · 10/08/2009 21:59

My hubby works with autistic students and loves his job.
There is a newish girl working there now (one year) and has become friendly with him.
Fine, I am not the jealous type and trust him completely.
She texts him regularly and he has never tried to hide this from me.
Lately she has started swearing quite a bit and he said to her 'my mam always said to stay away from girls who swear because they will get you into trouble' (just a joke, though not very funny).
She texts back saying 'sorry about that, never used to swear until my last boyfriend said he liked me to talk dirty to him in the bedroom. Cant really get out of the habit around you for some reason'
She doesnt know that I read the texts too.

She knows he is married, but doesn't know I am reading the texts.

Slapper or Pricktease? Or am I wrong?

OP posts:
TimothyTigerTuppennyTail · 10/08/2009 22:00

Both.

onepieceoflollipop · 10/08/2009 22:01

Difficult to say on such limited information. I wouldn't be comfortable with it, but saying that my dh wouldn't encourage overfamiliar/flirtatious texting with another female.

If a situation like this arose in my marriage, I kind of think that dh and I would agree that it isn't wise to encourage her interest.

HecatesTwopenceworth · 10/08/2009 22:01

Sounds like she's coming onto him. Doesn't matter as long as your husband doesn't respond.

He should probably tell her to stop though, don't you think?

Claire2009 · 10/08/2009 22:01

Slapper.

AnyFucker · 10/08/2009 22:03

I think that now your husband has to make it very clear to her that he is not up for anything more than a working relationship

she (and he?) has started to cross a line, imo

Goober · 10/08/2009 22:03

Go and punch her.

shootfromthehip · 10/08/2009 22:03

Nah, she's at it- a dirty big ho!

I'd get the hubby to tell her to get lost.

YANBU

AnyFucker · 10/08/2009 22:06

err, just a minute you peeps calling her a slapper

if the poor girl has had encouragement she may be under the impression she is in with a chance (wrong though that may be)

who knows what cosy chats may have been had between these two at work?

sorry OP, I am not having a go at your husband but why do people always automatically assume a woman is a slapper, without knowing all the facts ?

HecatesTwopenceworth · 10/08/2009 22:09

well, quite, AF. His reply was certainly rather flirty and could be taken as suggestive.

Not suggesting that was his intention, OP, but it could certainly be taken that way and judging by her reply, possibly was!

AnyFucker · 10/08/2009 22:10

and juicy, he is the one married to you, not her

Original poster
juicyjolly · 10/08/2009 22:15

No, I totally understand what you mean AnyFucker.

The thing is, she has just got over an operation on her neck (cancer) and she is forever telling him that she considers him a really good friend and she is so appreciative of his friendship.
It seems one minute that she genuinly enjoys his friendship and the next comes out with the dirty talking crap.

I dont want to sound naive here, but I really do trust him.
What I do not like is the fact that she is disrespecting me, even though we havent met. I dont particularly want to meet her, why would I?

OP posts:
SolidGoldBrass · 10/08/2009 22:19

She is not 'disrespecting' you. She is engaging in banter with your H that is not necessarily an indication that she is gagging to get into his pants. Some people are generally more flirty/crude in the way they communicate but don't actually mean anything by it. As long as you trust your H you should stop popping your piles over this as it really doesn't sound like you have anything to worry about.

AnyFucker · 10/08/2009 22:20

thanks for taking what I said in the right way, juicy

my 2 last posts were more in way of reply to some other posters, who were immediately assigning slapper status

I too think she is wrong, but if your dh does not knock it on the head (rather sharply, so she is in no doubt what he means), I would question his motives too

LetThemEatCake · 10/08/2009 22:24

no, it's inappropriate. But (no offence) juicy, him saying "my mum told me..." is quite flirty and unnecessary.

If she's just had an op, she may be feeling a bit low and wanting some non-threatening gratification which flirting with a married man might provide - you know, you get the buzz with the safety net. But if that's the case, it's a dangerous game.

Your dh would be better off saying that he is comfortable with neither her language nor the tone of her banter, but happy to be a supportive friend.

Am sure he could find a way of saying it that made him sound less like a 72-year-old prude though

Original poster
juicyjolly · 10/08/2009 22:25

Thankyou all for your input and yes, even though I wasn't bothered by the 'friendship' in the beginning, my 'guts' are telling me to knock it on the head now.

OP posts:
scottishmummy · 10/08/2009 22:43

he is an adult man this isnt your problemo,and you getting in a lather wont help

your dh needs to deal with this
not you
why is he not addressing this,does he know your concerns

and sounds as if you and dh are already taking the piss out of the girl reading her texts and gossiping

now he needs to grow a backbone and politely let her down.

he should tell her no more text

Original poster
juicyjolly · 10/08/2009 23:01

No we are definitely not taking the piss out of this woman.
What makes you think I was going to 'deal with this'?

He asked me to read the texts because he wants everything to be above board with me.

What do you mean 'grow a backbone' and let her down politely. Why do you think she knows this is a friendship and nothing more? Because he told her this.

As for him being a grown man...yes, this I already know!
As for it not being my problem, well, I beg to differ. Him being my husband makes it my business, I didnt actually say it was a problem!
Lastly, I am certainly not in a lather over this.

OP posts:
scottishmummy · 10/08/2009 23:09

i actually said "your dh needs to deal with this"

clearly you are in somewhat of a lather pontificating whether she is "slapper or prick tease" and gassing on Mn

yes your dh needs to grow a backbone,and politely and firmly set some parameters and boundaries

you two reading her posts surreptitiously is taking the piss and more the the point what are his motives in showing you. is he trying to wind you up?

clearly working

none of this is about you.its all about his willingness to politely set a boundary

Original poster
juicyjolly · 10/08/2009 23:22

No....you did not say 'dh needs to deal with this' you said 'your dh needs to deal with this, not you'.

No....I am not in a lather....I am not pontificating. Why would you think that from my query?

Once again, why the backbone comment when I have already told you he told her friendship was fine, anything else isn't.

If you think him showing me texts from her or anyone else is taking the piss then I really dont understand your idea of 'taking the piss'. Again, he showed me the texts to keep everything above board. There was no laughing at this woman or giggling or any piss taking!

No....I am not wound up....just wanted other womens thoughts and views to see if what my 'guts' were telling me was right.

Boundaries have been set.... that is why he told her a friendship is fine, anything else is not.

As for it not being about me.... I never actually said it was but of course you are going to think you are right no matter what is explained to you.

OP posts:
scottishmummy · 10/08/2009 23:28

everything cushtie.your dh receives txt from work colleageu

nothing to flummox you
indeed you have calm disdain

incidentally,do you think all his work colleagues are slappers and prick teases. or just the one's he show you txt messages from?

you know what.your assurances are so mighty convincing,after all if you were so unfazed you wouldn't be posting on AIBU

would you

AnyFucker · 10/08/2009 23:28

juicy, to be fair, you did ask for opinions

and scottishmummy is giving hers, in her own inimitable way

Original poster
juicyjolly · 10/08/2009 23:33

Oh climb out of mummys arse why dont you?

Scottish....you had absolutely nothing helpful to say, so why did you bother?

OP posts:
dittany · 10/08/2009 23:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

scottishmummy · 10/08/2009 23:36

go clear you head about your dh and the txt.

clearly it has got to you on some level

and don't traipse your marital tittle tattle around AIBU and then get the hump when someone has the temerity to disagree with you

scottishmummy · 10/08/2009 23:36

go clear you head about your dh and the txt.

clearly it has got to you on some level

and don't traipse your marital tittle tattle around AIBU and then get the hump when someone has the temerity to disagree with you

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