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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To Think May Be A Bit Of A Slapper!

72 replies

juicyjolly · 10/08/2009 21:59

My hubby works with autistic students and loves his job.
There is a newish girl working there now (one year) and has become friendly with him.
Fine, I am not the jealous type and trust him completely.
She texts him regularly and he has never tried to hide this from me.
Lately she has started swearing quite a bit and he said to her 'my mam always said to stay away from girls who swear because they will get you into trouble' (just a joke, though not very funny).
She texts back saying 'sorry about that, never used to swear until my last boyfriend said he liked me to talk dirty to him in the bedroom. Cant really get out of the habit around you for some reason'
She doesnt know that I read the texts too.

She knows he is married, but doesn't know I am reading the texts.

Slapper or Pricktease? Or am I wrong?

OP posts:

AnyFucker · 10/08/2009 23:37

juicy, no need to get shirty because you are not receiving an avalanche of replies saying "YANBU, she is a dirty ho..."

btw, scottishmummy is not a particular mate of mine (in fact I don't think we have ever "spoken"), but I have noticed she calls a spade an errm, spade

dittany · 10/08/2009 23:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

scottishmummy · 10/08/2009 23:41

i do indeed believe a spade to be gardening implement,and shall call it a spade

i love this kind of AIBU

the snippy and dont dare disagree with me OP.

who was obviously expecting plaudits and poor you.yo lets all get ah torch go down to dat dirrrrrrrrrrrrrrrty lil texting missy

JJ - the villain here is your DH and you know it

Fruitysunshine · 10/08/2009 23:41

I think it is worth pointing out there that unless you know otherwise, she is actually the single one here and can flirt with whoever gives her the eye if she fancies it whereas your husband is the married one and should not be entering into this "banter" if the style of your relationship stipulates this. If you think her flirtatious behaviour is that of a slapper then fine BUT everyone's realtionship starts out with an element of flirting. Does that mean all women are slappers?

YOUR husband needs to put her in the picture and stop leading her on. It is always easy to criticise somebody else's behaviour in favour of someone we love but is it the correct way around?

Just a thought.

StillSquiffy · 10/08/2009 23:54

JJ, I think you need to ask yourself why:

A) despite this world being rammed full of, umm, 'single women with little appreciation for the sanctity of marriage', why is it only your husband who gets texts like this?

B) why does your DH consider it appropriate to respond with, umm, 'jokes'?

You may trust him completely, but that doesn't mean he isn't being a tit.

Original poster

juicyjolly · 11/08/2009 17:04

scottish......I will assume that you have actually read all the responses to my post.
It was not actually a question of me wanting anyone to agree or disagree with me.
The point of it was to find out what other womens views were.
Not everyone thought she was out of order....others did.
That does not make me right or wrong!
It just gave me an idea of what other women would make of this 'situation'

As for me being in a lather about this, I am telling you one more time, no, I am not in any sort of lather.
As for assuming these are the only texts I get to read, then you are wrong again. Neither one of us have any need to hide anything from each other and so we both read each others texts when and if we want.
As for taking the piss out of this woman, you are wrong again. All that response from you tells me that this is the type of person you are. Try not to get others mixed up with how you yourself are.
There was actually nothing but rude comments from you in your response and if that is what floats your boat then bully for you, I personally find it a little sad.
But what really comes across from your thread is the fact that you seem to enjoy winding people up, for no other reason than to obviously to make yourself feel better. I do hope it worked for you.

OP posts:

scottishmummy · 12/08/2009 19:20

your DH texts another woman and she is the slapper?how does that work then?

actually they are both in the wrong

he too has a responsibility not to potentially appear appear available

and she has no reason to text a married man on a regular basis

where your dh looses the moral ground is that he has an inkling she might be sweet on him and does nothing to dissuade her.

in fact he engaged in jokey innuendo
well that told her didn't it, certainly does set things straight

i suggest you direct your exasperation and annoyance that you heap upon me to your errant husband. if you actually read the thread you will see in fact many others said your dh is out of order. i am not the only poster to say this

so perhaps yes this has touched a nerve =hence your attacking stance.

easier to demonise someone else than see fault in your dh

McSnail · 12/08/2009 19:32

Putting aside who's mostly 'in the wrong' for a second - why don't you just text the girl back and tell her to stop sending flirty texts to your and husband's jointly used phone? It'll give her a bit of a fright.

slowreadingprogress · 12/08/2009 20:40

I do think your husband was encouraging her with that 'my mam said' claptrap. Very flirty.

She is not disrespecting you - she can't, she has no obligation or ties or responsibility to you but your husband does.

I think just focus on him and make it clear you find his text to her flirty and that he was encouraging her really.

Original poster

juicyjolly · 14/08/2009 16:09

scottish.........if you actually read my answers then you would have seen that I acknowledge other threads thought he was in the wrong.
Once again.....it was not a matter of me being right or wrong.......after all, that is what I was asking for.......other opinions. Not an attack on his courage (although that is in question when you see him running and...I am emabarrassed to say...a bit of a girlie screech when it comes to spiders...but thats another story) or you deciding that we are taking the piss out of her...who am I to take the piss out of anyone?

What 'got to me' was the way in which you answered. It comes across as you just 'venting your spleen'. Not something I expected from you. Being straight and to the point can indeed be an admirable quality....but that was not what you were being....in my opinion.

I would just like to understand why you call him 'my errant husband' and why you think she shouldnt be texting him when they are just friends...others do and some of them are female..and yes, they might even joke in a 'flirty way', but they are just joking...as I hope his work collegue was.
The reason for the op was to see if others thought it was just that...a joke...or if it seemed like something more. Pretty simple really (or so I thought). Once again, it was and is not a matter of me needing anyone to agee or disagree with me.

OP posts:

SerendipitousHarlot · 14/08/2009 16:51

Without wanting to get involved in the arg between OP and scottishmummy ..... OP you are coming across as a bit arsey to be fair.

And just as another point of view - if your dh winds her up, and leads her on to respond - then that's his problem, not hers tbh.

messalina · 14/08/2009 17:01

She is a slapper. End of story. Men are very stupid sometimes and fail to read signals, though his text to her was a bit flirtatious, IMO. So you may need to tell him that she is coming on to him and if he doesn't agree, explain why her text is inappropriate. My DH is forever assuming that people mean no harm by bitchy comments.

SerendipitousHarlot · 14/08/2009 17:02

messalina how can you say that??

Why is she a slapper?

RumourOfAHurricane · 14/08/2009 17:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

messalina · 14/08/2009 17:07

Because she knows jolly well that he is married. Or she can't be such a good friend of his if she is not even aware of this basic fact. He is JUST as guilty as her (probably of nothing other than flirtatious texting, I'm sure) but she is a definitely wrong in sending flirty texts to a married man, even if he did send her a slightly flirty one first (and that was inappropriate of him). I always ask myself whether I would behave in such a way and perhaps other MN users should too to determine whether this woman is behaving inappropriately or not. Would you send married men texts about how you used to talk dirty to your boyfriend? Definitely NOT. But he is just as guilty. She is a slapper because she is gunning at a man who is clearly already in a relationship.

dittany · 14/08/2009 17:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SerendipitousHarlot · 14/08/2009 17:24

But just because she may or may not be behaving innapropriately, doesn't make her a slapper!

GibbonInARibbon · 14/08/2009 17:24

Not heard 'pricktease' in years and never from a woman before...usually used by men with no prick worth teasing imho.

Anyhooo, to answer, YABU. Your husband is flirting with her and just because he has basically said 'hey honey, come read this flirty exchange of messages' doesn't make it alright. Simples.

dittany · 14/08/2009 17:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

shoshe · 14/08/2009 17:54

Sorry Hijack but ................ GIBBON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! where have you been!

Slinks back out of thread

As you were.

nappyaddict · 14/08/2009 18:03

I think YABU. It's a bit of harmless flirting that's all.

LovelyTinOfSpam · 14/08/2009 18:18

messalina I see what you're saying and would be interested to know, if it makes her a slapper, what you would call the DH?

Just wondering what the equivalent term is.

OP, I have to agree that the text your DH sent was way flirty.

I also can't understand the reaction.

If my DH said "there's this woman I work with and we're friends and we text each other a bit, but her texts are getting a bit funny" and showed me them and they were flirty I would react in one of two ways. If I didn't feel threatened, I would laugh, and then he would laugh, and we would say how silly and he'd better not reply/have a word/try and avoid her/whatever. If I did feel threatened I would be livid and upset and would say he had to not reply/avoid/have a word/blah.

I can't imagine the whole "oh wifey look at these flirty texts" and me responding "well that is interesting. I wonder what to make of that. I think I'll go and ask some strangers on teh internet".

You must have had more of a reaction than you are saying, one way or another...

And your DH is being out of order, sounds like he has been encouraging her.

GibbonInARibbon · 14/08/2009 18:19

Thank you dittany

And hey hey Shosha!! good to see you

RumourOfAHurricane · 14/08/2009 21:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Mumcentreplus · 14/08/2009 22:49

...

They were both being flirty but the lady in question bit more full on imo..but as others have pointed out she has no commitment to you so she does as she pleases (although I do not suffer flirts lightly- shows a person for who they are)he is in the wrong but he was honest with you which to me gives him some kind of kudos..

OP tell DH to nip it in the bud...it's not a good look

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