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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To feel hurt at not being godparent

39 replies

sb9 · 02/08/2009 17:55

As the title says, i feel hurt as my cousin was my matron of honour and we both have babies and was just told of a christining in conversation so obviously not a godparent then... Just feel a bit sad ;(

OP posts:

Tommy · 02/08/2009 17:57

being a godparent is a privilege - not an entitlement.

If you and your cousin are close,then you will be involved in her child's life anyway - make the most of it

K999 · 02/08/2009 17:57

Who are the godparents? Does she have a sister etc?

moondog · 02/08/2009 17:57

Why? She is under no obligation to you. These things are not rule bound. You just have to get over it I'm afraid.

lynneevans51 · 02/08/2009 17:59

Yes, YABN

Original poster

sb9 · 02/08/2009 18:02

Oh very harsh, i wasnt saying i was entitled or anything just that i felt hurt. Yes she has brother in law and sister.

OP posts:

FabBakerGirlIsBack · 02/08/2009 18:04

Being a matron of honour doesn't really equal being a Godparent but I understand your disappointment.

K999 · 02/08/2009 18:04

Perhaps she feels that she wishes to choose them because she is closer to them?? I suppose she can choose who she likes.

HeadFairy · 02/08/2009 18:06

I'm afraid my first choice for godmother was my sister. I YABabitU to be sad you weren't asked. I wouldn't have expected to be asked at all if there was a sister around. Perhaps you'll be godmother to the next one?

Original poster

sb9 · 02/08/2009 18:08

Yeah i know, its just i am not close to my family (sisters) and am close to her , but i i dont hold any grudges or anything, just hurts that all as it reminds me what i havent got. Thanks for posting..

OP posts:

HeadFairy · 02/08/2009 18:10

Will you be asking her to be godmother to your dc?

Fayrazzled · 02/08/2009 18:54

I sort of know how you feel. My friend was my chief bridesmaid and godmother to my first born. When she got married she didn't ask me to be her bridesmaid and she didn't ask me to be godmother to her son when he was born. In fact, I wasn't even invited to his christening- I found out about it after the event. She had two sisters, so I had no expectations about these roles TBH, but it did make me feel, irrationally I know, that she meant more me to me than me to her.

Eve4Walle · 02/08/2009 18:59

Try knowing that your brother has been asked be godchild to your other brother's first child but you haven't been asked, and you're still expected to attend the baptism. Then you'll understand the meaning of the word hurt.

YABU on this occasion.

junglist1 · 02/08/2009 19:00

My friend has 4 sisters but has chosen me and another friend to be godparent because she reasons her sisters will be a major part of the childs life anyway, so why not have some other special people aswell IYSWIM.
I don't think it's nice of your friend TBH

piscesmoon · 02/08/2009 19:11

I always find it best not to have any expectations and then you often get a pleasant surprise and are not disappointed.
We couldn't have the people we really wanted as godparents because we knew they would be unhappy making the promises and so we didn't put them on the spot.

londonartemis · 02/08/2009 19:56

My children were christened, but we didn't ask anyone to be godparents, just made the promises ourselves. Same happened to me when I was christened when a baby.
It's up to the parents how they decide to do it. We didn't even invite anyone to the christening for the first child!

girlsyearapart · 02/08/2009 20:07

No yanbu to feel hurt it's personal perspective isn't it? Felt a bit hurt when my (only) sister didn't ask me for any of her 3 dcs. She said I was already their aunt and godparent is another role.

cjones2979 · 02/08/2009 20:39

I don't think you are BU.

We asked my brother & SIL to be godparents to our DS2 in December last year.

They had their DS Christened about a month ago and I was very hurt that I wasn't asked to be a godparent so soon after they were asked to be godparents to my DS. They already have 2 DD's (I am not godparent to them either, but also they are not godparents to my DS1) plus I am his only sister and this is their last baby as he has now had a vasectomy so I had hoped that I would be asked this time. Not only that but they organised the Christening within 2 weeks and I first heard about it when I was invited through Facebook !!!!

I can completely understand that you are hurt and don't think you are BU.

Yorky · 02/08/2009 20:54

I don't think YABU at all, I think its nice that you want to be involved in her DCs life in this way.
Apparently when our DS was Christened SIL was surprised (the way it was reported to me, probably upset) that no relatives were Godparents. But the way I see it they are already involved in the child's life and Godparents are a way to extend the 'family' support network.

Stinkyfeet · 02/08/2009 21:02

I was a little sad when my life-long best friend didn't ask me to be Godmother to her ds. However, when I thought about it, I realised that it really doesn't matter. I know that through my presence in his life and my utter adoration for him (!) I will be an important person to him, regardless of any title I may or may not have.

Peabody · 02/08/2009 21:06

This might not be relevant at all, but when we were choosing godparents we wanted them to be people who went to church regularly, which cut out most of our friends and relations...

preggersplayspop · 02/08/2009 21:15

I can understand you feeling hurt, my sister and BIL had various people as godparents to their child and I felt like they had asked any old Tom, Dick and Harry as some were fairly recent friends of theirs.

At the church service I felt like crying because I felt so let down by my sister. Its silly because they had asked me to be the legal guardian to their baby, which in hindsight I realise was very important to them, but at the time it felt like a 'consoliation prize'. I love my nephew dearly and I know now how irrational my feelings were as being a godparent wouldn't change anything about how I feel about him.

As long as you are there for your friend's baby for the long run then that's the best thing you can do. You don't need the formality of being called a godparent for this.

preggersplayspop · 02/08/2009 21:16

Should add they didn't hand their son over to me! Legal guardian only if something happened to them in the future!!

Yorky · 02/08/2009 21:40

Same here peabody, the GODparent is more than just a title here

soopermum1 · 02/08/2009 22:08

YABU. being a Godparent is about being, amongst other things, a support in the child's spiritual development, so if you're not religious, this may be a reason.

Marthasmama · 02/08/2009 22:33

You know OP I feel your pain and I can only pass on what I do. I get naked! Seriously. I strip off and do a small shake of love (as I call it) and pop on a bit of Beyonce, fling out my wings, I stretch open my beak and as I chirrup, yes CHIRRUP, to the skies, I am a BIRD! I feel better in no time. Try it.

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