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AIBU?

To feel hurt at not being godparent

39 replies

sb9 · 02/08/2009 17:55

As the title says, i feel hurt as my cousin was my matron of honour and we both have babies and was just told of a christining in conversation so obviously not a godparent then... Just feel a bit sad ;(

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Domokun · 04/08/2009 11:25

"This might not be relevant at all, but when we were choosing godparents we wanted them to be people who went to church regularly, which cut out most of our friends and relations..."

And yet weirdly, we both go to church (but are not 'overly' religious in any way that would ever turn anyone off), and most of our friends don't. Yet we're almost the only people in our group who have never been asked. Half the time, our friends ask people who then lost touch and are never seen again. This makes me sad

simplesusan · 04/08/2009 10:47

2 of my ds godparents were a very close friend of mine and her now dh. She was a bridesmaid for me but she didn't choose me to be godmother to her dd.

I don't think it is that important as what role do Godparents actually do now?

It stems from long ago when parents were very likely to die young and therefore leave their children orphans without living granparents either. Nowadays I expect grandparents would step in to adopt grandchildren if anyhting happened to the parents.

Jux · 03/08/2009 21:42

My brother's godparents were friends of my parents and were great. My godparents were my mum's eldest bro and his wife and were rubbish. DD has chosen her own godparents.

ginnny · 03/08/2009 21:30

YANBU - you can't help feeling hurt but fwiw
I'm not close to any of my godparents (in fact I wouldn't know one of my godmothers if she fell on me!) so its no bearing on your relationship with the child anyway.
I am godmother to my niece and thanks to my nasty SIL haven't seen her for nearly 2 years now
I wasn't asked to be godmother to my best friends dc, and although a few people were a bit at her choice, I understood that it was her decision and I have a brilliant relationship with both her dc, more so than my own so called family and the fact that I am not a godparent to either of them really is irrelevant.

olivo · 03/08/2009 21:17

IMO, there is a difference between being a godparent and a legal guardian; a godparent will not necessarily bring up your child if something happens to you. we didnt choose brothers and sisters as GPs as none of them go to church and we wanted people who would have spiritual guidance for dd. however, in our will, it states that DH's brother and his wife would be her legal guardians.

i can see how you'd be hurt but it may be more logical than you think.

piscesmoon · 03/08/2009 07:03

I think a lot would depend on whether you were a regular church goer-there is a lot to take into account when you choose a godparent, it isn't just a question of a close friend. It should be a lifelong thing-not like choosing a bridesmaid as a one off.

WinnieTheWart · 02/08/2009 23:19

I chirrup regularly, even the odd cackle, works wonders i tell you

RumourOfAHurricane · 02/08/2009 23:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Silver1 · 02/08/2009 23:10

As someone else said feeling hurt is a subjective thing.
But you don't say whether you even believe in God. To most Christians Christenings and Baptisms are the greatest gift you can give your child and you should pick people as GPs who can respect and reflect that. It may mean you end up with someone you are not as close to as a friend but who is still going to be more appropiate as a Godparent because of their own faith.
I don't mean that to sound snippy, but maybe that is the angle she is taking.

BitOfFun · 02/08/2009 23:05

Chirruping is such a lovely cheery word- I feel perkier just for reading it...perhaps (and I'm going out on a limb here) you should give it a go OP?

WesternBelle · 02/08/2009 23:01

Well, I do see why you are hurt but can you imagine if she'd asked you instead of her sister (presuming she asked her sister?)

We chose my sister but DH has sisters too, obviously we couldn't/didn't want to ask ALL of the sisters to be GM as it would get silly. Have since wondered if things have been said about that though, IYKNIM. Probably have.

The other sisters will be first in the line for GM for any subsequent babies though. Perhaps your cousin felt she had greater obligations to fulfill to other people on this occasion.

Bear in mind she probably feels awful but won't want to bring it up with you.

don't let it spoil anything though, it's not worth it.

lilacpink · 02/08/2009 22:57

I chose my sister to be my only adult Bridesmaid and my DDs Godparent, over a good (more regular Church attending) friend. My reason - I have a deeper connection with my sister, and would want her to take on my role as Mum if I wasn't able to (& I had a low budget for Wedding). My friend still asked me to be one of her Bridesmaids after this and it hasn't affected our friendship as I can see it (she doesn't have any sisters or close female relations). Hopefully your relationship will be fine too.

ilovemydogandmrobama · 02/08/2009 22:46

If it's any comfort, my godmother was absolutely useless, and sort of dumped her when I was about 11 years old and had a little ceremony for the one who I wanted to be godmother, who was actually my mother's cousin! She was very involved in my life, and took me to mass, so it seemed obvious to me that there should be a formal recognition of her relationship to me.

Totally understand why you feel so hurt. A lot of people choose godparents for superficial reasons and seems that you would have treated the role with respect.

RumourOfAHurricane · 02/08/2009 22:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Marthasmama · 02/08/2009 22:33

You know OP I feel your pain and I can only pass on what I do. I get naked! Seriously. I strip off and do a small shake of love (as I call it) and pop on a bit of Beyonce, fling out my wings, I stretch open my beak and as I chirrup, yes CHIRRUP, to the skies, I am a BIRD! I feel better in no time. Try it.

soopermum1 · 02/08/2009 22:08

YABU. being a Godparent is about being, amongst other things, a support in the child's spiritual development, so if you're not religious, this may be a reason.

Yorky · 02/08/2009 21:40

Same here peabody, the GODparent is more than just a title here

preggersplayspop · 02/08/2009 21:16

Should add they didn't hand their son over to me! Legal guardian only if something happened to them in the future!!

preggersplayspop · 02/08/2009 21:15

I can understand you feeling hurt, my sister and BIL had various people as godparents to their child and I felt like they had asked any old Tom, Dick and Harry as some were fairly recent friends of theirs.

At the church service I felt like crying because I felt so let down by my sister. Its silly because they had asked me to be the legal guardian to their baby, which in hindsight I realise was very important to them, but at the time it felt like a 'consoliation prize'. I love my nephew dearly and I know now how irrational my feelings were as being a godparent wouldn't change anything about how I feel about him.

As long as you are there for your friend's baby for the long run then that's the best thing you can do. You don't need the formality of being called a godparent for this.

Peabody · 02/08/2009 21:06

This might not be relevant at all, but when we were choosing godparents we wanted them to be people who went to church regularly, which cut out most of our friends and relations...

Stinkyfeet · 02/08/2009 21:02

I was a little sad when my life-long best friend didn't ask me to be Godmother to her ds. However, when I thought about it, I realised that it really doesn't matter. I know that through my presence in his life and my utter adoration for him (!) I will be an important person to him, regardless of any title I may or may not have.

Yorky · 02/08/2009 20:54

I don't think YABU at all, I think its nice that you want to be involved in her DCs life in this way.
Apparently when our DS was Christened SIL was surprised (the way it was reported to me, probably upset) that no relatives were Godparents. But the way I see it they are already involved in the child's life and Godparents are a way to extend the 'family' support network.

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cjones2979 · 02/08/2009 20:39

I don't think you are BU.

We asked my brother & SIL to be godparents to our DS2 in December last year.

They had their DS Christened about a month ago and I was very hurt that I wasn't asked to be a godparent so soon after they were asked to be godparents to my DS. They already have 2 DD's (I am not godparent to them either, but also they are not godparents to my DS1) plus I am his only sister and this is their last baby as he has now had a vasectomy so I had hoped that I would be asked this time. Not only that but they organised the Christening within 2 weeks and I first heard about it when I was invited through Facebook !!!!

I can completely understand that you are hurt and don't think you are BU.

girlsyearapart · 02/08/2009 20:07

No yanbu to feel hurt it's personal perspective isn't it? Felt a bit hurt when my (only) sister didn't ask me for any of her 3 dcs. She said I was already their aunt and godparent is another role.

londonartemis · 02/08/2009 19:56

My children were christened, but we didn't ask anyone to be godparents, just made the promises ourselves. Same happened to me when I was christened when a baby.
It's up to the parents how they decide to do it. We didn't even invite anyone to the christening for the first child!

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