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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

...for being concerned about my weight (don't read if you have weight issues)...

66 replies

nybom · 29/07/2009 10:16

i'm 5.8 and have always weighed around 55 kg, never more than 59, even after having my first DC. i've never dieted and i eat whatever i want.

after the birth of second DC my weight was in the normal range (58), but the last half year (he is just over 1 year old now), my weight has gone up by a stone!!! (64kg), and for the first time in my life i FEEL fat.

it is horrible - i don't fit into half my trousers, i've got a flabby stomach if i sit down and i've stopped wearing shorts or skirts higher than kneelength.

i've started limiting certain food (i usually have all chocolate, crisps, cream, cheese, alcohol almost every day), so, say, i will have a glass of wine less, or not eat crisps AND chocolate every day but only one or the other. i think my calorie intake is at least 3000 a day, but i'm still BF and hungry! also, i probably have about 7 portions of fruit and veg a day, i only drink water, so my diet is pretty balanced and healthy, well, apart from the quantities and the treats...

i know many women would wish they had my problems but to me it feels like a problem because i never had to worry about my weight.

does anybody have the same "problem", and can someone please tell me that i'm YABU!

OP posts:
PartOfTheHumphreysGroup · 29/07/2009 10:21

YANBU - if you feel fat, go on a diet. aim for 2000 calories a day if you're currently on 3000.

ThreadsDeadBabyThreadsDead · 29/07/2009 10:23

How old are you? It all goes tits up after 30 weight wise.

hobbgoblin · 29/07/2009 10:23

At 5'8" and around 60 kg you would be pretty damned slim by my guestimation...

Original poster
nybom · 29/07/2009 10:29

hobbgoblin i'm a size 10-12. i'm usually a size 8. but what matters is that it's pretty flabby - my arse hangs, my stomach hangs, (if i had tits they would hang, but i'm still only a cup A), and i've got bingo wings...

ThreadsDBTD - spot on - i'm 31. shit.

OP posts:
yappybluedog · 29/07/2009 10:32

welcome to our world nybom

proverbial · 29/07/2009 10:33

you need to tone, not lose weight. 64 kilos is well in the normal range for your height. You should concentrate on exercise, particulary to tone your muscles is it is the loose bits you are worried about.

WidowWadman · 29/07/2009 10:34

3000 kcal a day is massive. Try to cut it down by at least 1000 kcal. Even if you're hungry through breastfeeding it shouldn't be a problem if you look at what you eat. I graze all day on fruit, which feels like I can eat tons, but the calorie count stays low. That way (and with the help of breastfeeding) I shifted about 25 -30 kg (not sure about the exact start weight) since my daughter was born in late December. Age isn't an excuse either. Wnat you eat is what makes you fat, not age.

You don't need to forego crisps and chocolate completely, but try to cut them down as much as possible. Just reading the nutritional info on the wrapper usually is enough to put me off. I now don't have any chocolate or crisps at home, but would need to go and buy some if I feel like it. Often my chocolate urge is not strong enough to go and buy some, while I would have scoffed a whole bag if I had it at home.

The biscuit box in the office made me gain 4 stone over the course of 3 years, now I have another stone to go until I'm back to my weight from 4 years ago, it's amazing how much difference it makes not to have sweeties within easy reach.

minxofmancunia · 29/07/2009 10:35

YANBU, I can empathise, up until 31 and birth of dd I was a trouble free size 8, always under 9 stone, 5'8" in height.

since dd have been between 10-12 in dress size not helped by the enormaous increase in breast size which luckily you don't have. I hate it but I've had to accept it and the increase in exercise that goes with trying to keep my weight at a level I'm happy with.

It IS a horrible feeling and it does affect how confident and happy you feel with your body but be prepared for lots of negative "count yourself lucky" type comments on here!! And to be told you should be grateful, just warning you!

Twistle · 29/07/2009 10:36

I'd get my thyroid checked if I were you, because you are saying you're metabolism seems to have completely changed. Thyroid function can be affected by pregnancy.

I'm a thyroid evangelist! But I think it's worth checking (simple bloodtest) to rule out.

ginnny · 29/07/2009 10:39

Well YANBU but unfortunately that happens as you get older. Although maybe if you ate a healthier diet you would lose some weight.
Until my 30's I was 8½ stone at the most, then I had dc and am now stuck at 9½ (ish!)which is fine I know (I'm 5'5") but I do wish I could have the body I had in my 20s back. My washboard stomach has turned to sponge
When I was pg with ds1 the midwife said to me "if we knew what these babies did to our bodies we would never get pg" I thought it was an odd comment at the time but now I see what she meant!

missingtheaction · 29/07/2009 10:39

Twistle, have you stopped using fluoride toothpaste?

minxofmancunia · 29/07/2009 10:40

also naturally losing weight whilst bf is a myth, i put it on when bf and lost it again v quickly without proper dieting when I stopped.

It's a lot harder to keep weight off after a certain age imo, I ate whatever I wanted for years and did no exercise and struggled to keep my weight up. Am a lot more careful now with diet and have to be conscientious about not piling it on.

Agree with those who say toning is the key. this is what I'm going to concentrate on after birth of dc2 (am 7.5 months pg) rather than weight loss as such.

WidowWadman · 29/07/2009 10:41

Free Calorie Calculator

You can add about 500 kcal/per day for fully breastfeeding, but even taking that into account, you will keep gaining weight on a 3000kcal diet

AnyFucker · 29/07/2009 10:41

welcome to motherhood !!

nobody says its ok to shoot up to 16 stone after always being a size 8

but for many women, that extra one stone, dress size or two is just something they learn to live with. I know my midriff will never be the same again! Some jeans will never fit me again! Get over it.

it often stabilizes out actually and can take up to 2 yrs post-birth (it did for me). I now weigh the same as before dc but my shape is very different

I have no real interest in hitting the gym, or dieting (I don't need to) and would feel I was trying to reach something unattainable (as well as taking precious time away from )

FlyMeToDunoon · 29/07/2009 10:42

Can sympathise totally.
I was always a 10 at 5'8" and until after I had DD3 I got back to my normal self relatively easily. I never had to diet.
Now I have the bingo wings, the jiggly bits on my back, love handles and my stomach is an organism on its own.
I am 45 though.
Excercise would seem the way forward. I also try and limit the biscuits, chocolate and cake.
Not very successfully.
Good luck to you.

alardi · 29/07/2009 10:50

Lots of good quality comments from others on this thread. Maybe think less about how your body looks and more about what you can do with it. We all get flabby in the end, but staying fit enough to walk miles, carry your own shopping, chase your kids around, those are the things that matter most.

ginormoboobs · 29/07/2009 10:51

YANBU
If you are used to being a particular size then it must be very difficult to adjust to being larger. While in my eyes you must still be very slim , in yours it is different.
I always put on weight when I'm BF. With my DS I lost 4lb a day for 2 weeks. Stayed the same weight until he was 6 weeks and suddenly started to gain a huge amount of weight

Original poster
nybom · 29/07/2009 10:55

i was bracing myself for many nasty comments but it's good to hear that so many of you have similar issues and can sympathise...

re toning: i do exercise but i'm not an athletic type and i don't build up muscle easily... i go for walks (preferably hilly terrain with DS2 strapped to my back), i do ballet, i run, i go swimming with the kids... i have muscly calves and forearms (from lifting DS2) and strong legs but that's about it.

there must be a way around hitting the gym, surely...

OP posts:
stickylittlefingers · 29/07/2009 10:55

I think the message is don't go mad on diets/exercise but eat sensibly and try and keep some exercise in - you have to stay healthy whatever. tis a shock to suddenly be a different shape, but you can't let it take over your life!

minxofmancunia · 29/07/2009 10:58

sounds like you doloads of brilliant excercise, loads more fun than plugging away in a boring gym!

yoga and pilates were the key for me to toning after dd. That alongside all the cardio you do and you'll look great!

ninah · 29/07/2009 10:59

I have to say I prefer my body at 42 to the body I had at 22. Prob just happier in myself. Agree it changes, have not changed in size but def in shape, have not been to gym for years (but nor has Paula Hamilton and she looks fab). Def put on weight when bf was always just soo tired
I bet things will settle down again when you are through with that

notyummy · 29/07/2009 11:04

You don't need to lose weight, but you know that yourself. It is a matter of adjusting to the contrast, not putting on any more, and more importantly getting fit and toning , which will stand you in very good stead for the future.

Pilates; circuit training; yoga - all of these can be done at home with a DVD and are excellent for toning. Coupled with walking everywhere and you will make the most of your body. You really have to focus on the bits you want to improve though...and it may hurt! The old perennial phrase 'i keep fit running round after the kids' only gets you so far if you really want to make an impact on particular places in your body.

wolfnipplechips · 29/07/2009 11:56

Its crappy isn't it, i've just lost a stone and weigh about 9 stone which is about the right weight for me but indstead of looking good i look like a deflated baloon. The gym is helping aa bit but not much, i'm saving for a tummy tuck.

Nancy66 · 29/07/2009 12:23

Yep - it's a 'hitting 30' thing. Happened to me. Skinny as a rake until 30 and then 'boom' suddenly realised i'd got a bit chubby.

Would you take up running? As you're already reasonably fit and a walker it shouldn't be too hard for you.

Running keeps me thin and sane. I lost two stone through running alone - never dieted. Your body will also find its own natural 'fighting weight.'

downside is it gives you the face of an old hag...but there's always Botox!

HumphreyCobbler · 29/07/2009 12:30

Oh I can sympathise

I suddenly started putting on weight when I was 27, not baby related or anything. I always weighed eight stone and suddenly i weighed ten (I am very short).

I went though about ten years of stressing before I just managed to get back to a weight I am happy with. It was like I was mourning for my old self