shy people get on my tits

[brimfull]

and I know I am being unreasonable

but I want to shout-' grow up and make a fucking effort!!'

and don't moan about your kids not having mates to play with when you never ask people back,never say hello in the street

thanks

needed to get that off my chest

But ggirl, have you learned anything from it? Do you have a greater understanding of why shy people are the way they are?

No, of course that can't happen just like that. But I am a big convert to CBT, which (with considerable therapeutic support, lots of effort and work, angst and forwards and backwards steps, and a recognition that since you've had a lifetime of anxiety, you probably still will but perhaps better managed) can and does make a lot of difference to phobia and anxiety.

And I think it takes months of work and a major commitment to change.

Bit of a backhanded apology, ggirl!

Ggirl, what I said was that I frequently make the effort in spite of being shy but feel as though I've been found wanting when the louder, more obviously confident people ignore me!

Ime, people like them (you?) don't want to make friendly advances towards someone like me - we might get the wrong idea and try and strike up an unwanted friendship!

thanks ggirl

although I would like to point out that saying you apologise if people are offended is actually placing the blame on them for being offended in the 1st place

so not really a true apology at all

but I will accept it, because personally I did see where you were coming from and you have certainly shit me up enlightened me about how I may be perceived by others

I know there are a lot of shy people on mn

who are anything but shy on internet

I'm haing CBT and not finding it very helpful. Part of the prob is that CBT works best with rather specific, well-bounded anxieties -- like, for example, a fear of heights. Shyness/social phobia/low self-esteem is very diffused, across the whole personality. The beliefs it relies on, the situations that evoke i, the automatic thoughts, ect (all of the grist of CBT) are so pervasive that is is hard to do the work of identifying some well-defined matrix to unpick and rebuild.

And that is why I like the internet. It allows me to be who I should be.

None of that changes who I am in real life though.

yy to that view of the internet soupdragon

Threadie, CBT doesn't work for everyone - as you clearly know! A good friend of mine, who is a counsellor, highly recommends Human Givens as it has a much broader approach to understanding what it is to be human. There's loads of info on their website if you want to find out more about it.

Ggirl, I'm guessing you're something of an extreme extrovert...am I vaguely right?

no def not

not extreme anyway

Best remedy (albeit temporary) for shyness is to visit somewhere more outgoing and friendly.

Not the UK in other words.

"Best remedy (albeit temporary) for shyness is to visit somewhere more outgoing and friendly."

Er, no, that doesn't work.

You didn't answer my questions ggirl.

someguy, too random

come back when you have a useful contribution, there's a love

thanks for link mrsmerryhenry

Ok, gg, but you are an extrovert - reason I ask is that a classic extroversion 'thing' is to process one's thoughts whilst speaking them out loud. So extroverts are more likely to say things they regret than introverts, who think things through first before speaking.

You've done this a couple of times in your posts so I was guessing you probably do it in speaking too. I find (as a medium extrovert) that it's an incredibly helpful discipline to train oneself to take a leaf from the introvert's book and gather my thoughts before speaking/ posting. That might be a better approach for you next time you're venting, perhaps?

AF that could be useful for someone..just not you..

People in a lot of countries are much warmer than the UK. DS tries to play with people he meets sometimes (here in the UK), I remember one child saying to him "I don't know you", as if that was as a fatal impediment to them playing together. Obviously it's learned/cultural behaviour that engenders a lot of it.

It's quite nice to be somewhere where people want to know all about you (are you married, do you have children), and where such behaviour is normal rather than perceived as cosy.

I've sometimes thought that it's a linguistic issue, English is very wordy and indirect, but this www.youtube.com/watch?v=iv27EmvcGfA illustrates that that's not really the case.

nope haven't learnt much really

I knew my friend was extremely shy as I said in my post

but still find it v. frustrating despite knowing how hard she finds it

can't help the way I feel

it's becasue I've tried to help her and she isn't helping herself at all

Any time, Threadie. My friend says, btw, that any kind of regression therapy (as in psychoanalysis) can be very harmful as a person who's experienced a trauma ends up re-living the trauma - nice, huh? So you need to choose your therapist/ discipline very carefully, and don't feel that you can't pull out if you're not happy. If you can get a recommendation, all the better.

By the way I noticed HG is giving away two copies of their journals for free - you just need to sign up. I've just done this as I'm interested in all that stuff - might be a useful way for you to find out more, if you have the time.

Best of luck.

oh MrsMH, I do love ya

MrsMerryHenr-didn't say I wasn't an extrovert,just not an extreme one

anyfucker, I was responding to this post on page 1 "i was watching america's top model the other day, one of the girls was stunned that a european girl was shy, she said you just don't have shyness in the US, people just get on with it. "

More productive than exchanging insults with ggirl anyway.