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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to buy a dog without DH agreeing to it?

115 replies

SoccerMum · 26/07/2009 23:16

I so want a little dog, as much as I want one, DH doesnt.

Im sat here plotting to but one without him knowing, and concocting some yarn about how I came about getting the dog?

AIBU?

OP posts:
RealityIsHavingBumsex · 26/07/2009 23:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

differentID · 26/07/2009 23:17

yes, because he will resent you and the dog. Why does he not want one?

dizzymare · 26/07/2009 23:17

Yes, I'd be proper pissed off if someone did this to me.

proverbial · 26/07/2009 23:18

Yes. And you probably know it. You want to bring a live animal into your home when you know your DP doesn't want one? Not fair on DP OR the Dog, imo.

Sorry, but YABU.

Mybox · 26/07/2009 23:18

Dogs are a lot of work when small plus everyday care. You should both want to have one. Why doesn't he want a dog?

ZZZenAgain · 26/07/2009 23:19

do you have experience of dogs, do you know what it is going to entail? Does dh have experience of having a dog as a pet?

ZZZenAgain · 26/07/2009 23:19

my dh doesn't want a dog either, he had a dog at home when he was growing up and so knew what it entailed.

hmc · 26/07/2009 23:20

Why doesn't he want a dog?

HecatesTwopenceworth · 26/07/2009 23:20

yes. very. like a baby, it's something you both have to want!

Original poster
SoccerMum · 26/07/2009 23:20

He doesnt see the point to dogs, says that they dont serve any purpose at all!

I know you're all right really, in my rational mind, but Im trying to come up with a comprimise but I cant, so then my mind goes wandering for 'other solutions'

OP posts:
raffyandted · 26/07/2009 23:20

YABVVU. Don't do it. Not fair on dog or DP.

hmc · 26/07/2009 23:21

"and so knew what it entailed. "

Which isn't a lot quite frankly....

ZZZenAgain · 26/07/2009 23:21

would he agree to you looking after someone's dog for a bit, say when they go on holiday, then you'll both get an idea of whether you'd like having a dog around.

dh says dogs are too much work

Momdeguerre · 26/07/2009 23:21

YABU. If you are living together and have already discussed it and you know he does not want the dog then you know it is going to piss him off and probably cuase problems.

Poor dog will be the one who suffers - you can choose but poor little dog will be the one who ends up living somewhere where someone does not want it.

MitchyInge · 26/07/2009 23:21

yanbu, get the dog then find a new, more agreeable husband

ZZZenAgain · 26/07/2009 23:22

well depending on age, they need to be toilet trained, generally trained, go for walks, trips to the vet, need a clean now and again, need to be fed etc etc

hmc · 26/07/2009 23:22

I think:

  • if he is not allergic
  • if he is not phobic
  • you can afford to keep a dog
  • you will be the one who does all the washing, feeding and grooming etc

Then, YANBU

pjmama · 26/07/2009 23:22

No, no, no and again NO!! A dog should become a member of your family and is a long term commitment. Unless you both want it, its not fair on anyone, least of all the dog.

Also, if by "little dog" you mean one you can dress up and carry around then NOOOOOOOO!!!!!

Original poster
SoccerMum · 26/07/2009 23:23

ZZZenAgain

The only time in my life when I havent had a dog is the last 12 years since ive been married. I always had dogs growing up. DH parents had dogs on and off whilst he was growing up.

When I look after my friends dogs, he loves them, taking them walks and park etc. Seems like he enjoys it when we can send them home after a week!

OP posts:
hmc · 26/07/2009 23:23

Someone please explain why he has a god given right to embargo this decision, but SoccerMum is not entitled to go ahead?

othersideofthefence · 26/07/2009 23:23

YABU it has to be a joint decision or it will end up being a huge bone of contention between you.

hmc · 26/07/2009 23:25

Divorce him and get the dog

ZZZenAgain · 26/07/2009 23:25

we always had about a hundred dogs when I ws growing up (felt like that many mad bundles of fur leaping up at you).

Depends on your circumstances too, how you live, time you have etc whether it's a good idea.

He said he doesn't see the point. What did you say to that?

Original poster
SoccerMum · 26/07/2009 23:28

He said he doesn't see the point. What did you say to that?

I told him all the positives I think it will bring to our lives, im not blind stupid about it, I know their are negatives to it too. But generally im a positive person and he is a 'cup half empty' person!

I am struggling with it as there is no obvious comprimise!..and like JMC has pointed out, im a bit resentful as to why he gets to call time on the discussions.

OP posts:
KingCanuteIAm · 26/07/2009 23:29

My aunt has the same daydreams as you, her and her dh are now on the point of divorce. Not only because of the dog of course but it is a big symptom of their problems in general - they cannot compromise. He says no, she says yes.... so now they argue over who gets the "veto", it goes round and round and nothing changes.

Why should he get his own way?
Why should she get her own way?

You and your dh need to work out how to get past deadlocks IMO. Deadlocks come up and it is a good idea if you can work out a way round them before something more serious is under discusion!

WRT the dog, I agree with the other poster who said about allergies, fear etc - add in the fact that he actually enjoys dogs then I think he is being a bit selfish TBH!
How much of the work would he have to do?