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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to buy a dog without DH agreeing to it?

115 replies

SoccerMum · 26/07/2009 23:16

I so want a little dog, as much as I want one, DH doesnt.

Im sat here plotting to but one without him knowing, and concocting some yarn about how I came about getting the dog?

AIBU?

OP posts:
monkeyfeathers · 27/07/2009 15:24

I don't think it's that simplistic a comparison. There are obviously important differences, but essentially the OP is trying to force her partner into making a long-term commitment to a being that is dependent upon him in lots of ways that will have a very real impact on his life.

Dogs aren't necessarily easier or less demanding than children. The demands of being a dog owner are just different. Frankly I find the idea of having to commit to multiple daily walks for the entirety of a dog's life way worse than anything involved in parenting. I really don't want to have to have to go out on cold, dark, rainy walks with a dog and pick up its mess along the way. I don't necessarily think that's an 'easy' task and I can easily see how someone could resent having that forced on them.
Also, unlike children, dogs don't 'grow up' and become more independent. They live for quite a considerable time and you have to be willing to look after them properly for the whole of their lives. More than a decade of night-time walks is quite a commitment to make on someone else's behalf.

I also don't think that the idea that he likes dogs and he'll get used to it/grow to love it etc, etc is a fair justification. It's still making the decision on his behalf.

hmc · 27/07/2009 15:59

Multiple daily walks? I don't know anyone who takes their dog for multiple daily walks...(and I live in an area of high dog ownership in the dog owning, horse riding mecca of the New Forest, so I know a lot of dog owners)

Do you actually have a dog???

"Dogs aren't necessarily easier or less demanding than children"

Sorry but that is ridiculous - as speaking as someone who knows, dogs are infinitely easier

"but essentially the OP is trying to force her partner into making a long-term commitment to a being that is dependent upon him in lots of ways that will have a very real impact on his life. "

Snort! - I must tell dh about the gravity of his commitment to our 2 dogs and their total dependence on him. Perhaps he'll get home from work a bit earlier in the evenings because I don't think he quite appreciated this before

Here is the impact of the dogs on our life:

Holidays? - nope, we have a dog/ house sitter

Financial? - nope dog food and vet bills, pretty negligible

Time? - I walk them an hour per day - it's no biggie

I am racking my brains for massive life changing implications of dog ownership...ummm...nope! - have drawn a blank

hmc · 27/07/2009 16:01

There appears to be a lot of mythology about dog ownership. I blame it on the 'A dog is for life not just for Christmas campaign'

hambler · 27/07/2009 16:05

I can't stand dogs for more than a few minutes at a time.
Smelly and annoying, IMO .
If dh brought one home I would be very unhappy

kittywise · 27/07/2009 16:52

My mum has always owned dogs. She cleans up after them but her house stinks, it really stinks of dog, not pleasant t all. All houses with dogs in them smell to some degree.

Flibbertyjibbet · 27/07/2009 17:03

If there isn't an obvious compromise then you'll have to accept no doggie.

Why don't you volunteer as a dog walker for a doggie pound or something?

If dp came home with a dog I would chuck it out just for the SMELL that dogs have.

You go into someone's house that has a dog and I can smell it. Blurgh.

I can't see the point in a dog either. Slobbery smelly things that need to go out for a good walk several times a day, smelly dog food, PICKING UP POOP,

and if you aren't going to do the several walks and picking up poop then you shouldn't get one.

mumblechum · 27/07/2009 17:06

I almost feel that we have a dog, the neighbours on both sides have ridiculously loud dogs, one has 4 and you're right, their house stinks, and you can hear almost constant whining and barking even when they're inside.

If dogs were quiet and used the loo, I'd try to persuade dh to have one...

kittywise · 27/07/2009 17:30

I do find that those people who are dog fanatics think that anyone who isn't is simply 'wrong', antisocial, mad, missing something etc etc.
It's a complete lack of understanding for the likes and opinions of others. If they want a dog then they should be able to have one.
Luckily the OP has seen sense

Original poster
SoccerMum · 27/07/2009 17:35

Flibbertyjibbert - I never said I wasn't going to do the walks and pick up poo. Of course I would. All I said was that DH would probably need to do the last walk at night, but if he was totally opposed to that then I would train the dog to have his last walk earlier in the evening when I could take it myself.

Kittywise - I havent quite seen sense yet!

OP posts:
hambler · 27/07/2009 17:45

but soccermum your dh would have to put up with the smell and the slobbering, even if you did all the walks and the feeding and paying of expenses.

Really, some of us just don't get dogs at all

Stayingsunnygirl · 27/07/2009 18:30

A question for you experienced dog-owners (if the OP will forgive a slight hijack). I don't like the 'doggy' smell, nor do I want my house to smell doggy - so is it just a case of vacuuming/sweeping regularly, and grooming the dog regularly, or are there other things we can do?

TIA.

Spidermama · 27/07/2009 18:32

Could you dog-sit for a friend while they're on holiday. Maybe your DH will come round to the idea that actually dogs are a fabulous must have. They keep you fit, get you out, are loved by the kids and make you love 'em.

IbblyDranus · 27/07/2009 18:35

stayingsunny, you just learn to LOVE the smell of wet dog

mmmmm

Heathcliffscathy · 27/07/2009 18:37

you are being totally and utterly unreasonable...

would you have a baby without his agreement?

cheshirekitty · 27/07/2009 19:23

Please do not do it. I had been married 8 weeks, was doing my midwifery training and came home one night (at 10pm) to find a puppy in the lounge.

dh was in the RAF, and was away loads. I had a 25 mile commute (did not drive then so used to leave home at 5.30am to get into work for 8am).

I needed a puppy like a hole in the head.
I really resented that puppy at times, even though it was my dh's fault. I tried not to let the puppy feel I felt she was a burden, but I am sure the puppy felt it.

Please, please discuss things thoroughly with your dh before deciding on a puppy. It should be a joint decision.

Original poster
SoccerMum · 27/07/2009 20:30

Sophable....no I would not have a baby without his agreement!

Cheshire Kitty - did you keep the dog, if so how doyou feel about it now?

OP posts:
higgle · 27/07/2009 21:47

YABU, but if you sulk, look sad, withdraw sex, go on and on and one, say how happy it would make you etc etc. he will soon give in.

Hulababy · 27/07/2009 21:49

YABU

I'd be furious with DH if he brought a dog home as a pet without me agreeing, which he knows I wouldn't anyway. Infact I would insist he returned it.

Original poster
SoccerMum · 27/07/2009 21:54

Higgle...can you define 'soon' this has been a status quo for the past 5 years!!!!!

Hulababy - thanks, I think DH husband would have the same reaction.

OP posts:
hercules1 · 27/07/2009 21:56

I would be beyond furious. We make big decisions together in agreement.

Hulababy · 27/07/2009 22:01

I think getting a pet like a dog is a huge decision that must be made together. Dogs are big committments, and they are committment that lasts for several years. DH grew up with a dog and loves dogs, he'd like a dog deep down. But even he says that there is no way w could have a dog;it wouldn't fit in with our lifestyle and we can;t make that commitment. We like being able to come and go as we please, weekends away, holidays, staying out later than planned, etc. These things would be far more difficult if we had a dog. Wrse than if we had a child; at least the child can come with us whereas often the dog could not.

Besides I just am not a dog fan; I couldn't have one in my house.

Lovesdogsandcats · 27/07/2009 22:03

Get rid of dh.
I would pick my dogs over any bloke.

fledtoscotland · 27/07/2009 22:10

as a dog lover & owner, you are being totally unreasonable and you know it.

unless your husband has no say in the house, he should be entitled to an opinion and you should respect his opinion. dogs are not accessories.

Original poster
SoccerMum · 27/07/2009 22:13

Fledtoscotland

Where do you get the idea that I would treat a dog as an accessory? Of course my husband has an opinion, as do I. So should he also respect my opinion instead of calling time on the discussions with a curt 'end of'??

OP posts:
hmc · 27/07/2009 22:15

cheshirekitty - yes puppies are hard work...dogs however are not.