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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to buy a dog without DH agreeing to it?

115 replies

SoccerMum · 26/07/2009 23:16

I so want a little dog, as much as I want one, DH doesnt.

Im sat here plotting to but one without him knowing, and concocting some yarn about how I came about getting the dog?

AIBU?

OP posts:
TrinityRhinoHasASillyStepson · 26/07/2009 23:29

I love our dog
we rehomed him on easter day
dh loves him too
I had never had a dog before but dh had always had dogs

wildfig · 26/07/2009 23:31

YABVVVVVVVVVVVU - for the poor dog's sake. At best there will be furious shouting around him while you and your DH argue out what you've done; at worse the bewildered dog will be dumped back into rescue kennels not knowing what he did wrong, making it even harder for the next owner to settle him.

There really isn't a compromise here - unless you volunteer for dog walking at a local rescue and build up a relationship with a little dog there? Would be hugely appreciated by the rescue, and might even bring your DH round to the idea of adopting.

Original poster
SoccerMum · 26/07/2009 23:33

KingCanute, thanks, this is the first time we havent been able to come to some kind of middle ground.

I dont know how much 'work' he would have to do...im at home most of the time so I can exercise him, vets trips etc, the only thing he would probably HAVE to do would be the night time walkies. Being as he is a night shift worker, he goes to work at 2300 so could nip round the block before then.

OP posts:
ZZZenAgain · 26/07/2009 23:33

dunno if I'd try to sell him the idea if he just doesn't see the point in having a pet by listing the positives as such. So if you tell him you just miss having a dog around, just something that always gave you a lot of pleasure and you'd like to have again, that wouldn't change his mind?

wildfig · 26/07/2009 23:34

Sorry, that came out a bit strong!

hmc · 26/07/2009 23:35

Yes it was a bit OTT

IdrisTheDragon · 26/07/2009 23:35

If DH came home with a dog, I would not be impressed at all.

Although it would be mainly be because I know if we had one, I would be the one who would have to look after it. If you are the one who looks after your dog, it would be a bit different.

MitchyInge · 26/07/2009 23:36

there is blatantly something wrong with the man if he doesn't want a dog

am I the only person who thinks this?

ZZZenAgain · 26/07/2009 23:37

if he's just not interested in having a pet and he would have to go out every evening to take it for a walk, I think you might not be wise to get one against his will IYSWIM

I got guinea pigs in the end, dh didn't want them either (for dd not for me) but agreed to 1, then 2. I do ALL of it, he has nothing to do with feeding, trimming nails, vet, cleaning out, letting them out etc. It's not that much to do cf. a dog.

Original poster
SoccerMum · 26/07/2009 23:38

Wildfig...no worries

MitchyInge - I agree with you, I think I will divorce him and marry you.

OP posts:
hmc · 26/07/2009 23:42

Lol Mitchy

hmc · 26/07/2009 23:44

Show him this link www.helium.com/items/1443426-best-home-defense-dogs-versus-alarms

IbblyDranus · 26/07/2009 23:45

ok, but still haven't got divorced even though it's been 15 years since we separated!

mumeeee · 26/07/2009 23:48

YABU.

Triggles · 27/07/2009 05:44

I think it would probably be a bad idea to just get the dog, especially after he's said he doesn't want one. If DH just brought home a dog, I'd be furious, as we've already discussed it and agreed not to have one at present. Right now, I have a toddler and in a few days a newborn to contend with, and the last thing I want is a dog underfoot. Maybe when the kids are older, I'll be more agreeable to a dog. But we still will have some compromising to do - DH loves huge dogs, and I am afraid of huge dogs. And DH doesn't want a teensy rat-like dog (well, ok, neither do I). So we'd have to find a small to medium sized dog that's good with kids that we both like.

But I do think wildfig's idea of volunteering to help at your local animal rescue in order to possibly build up a rapport between your DH and a dog might be a good way to start. You might even convince him to volunteer with you, which may be an even more positive influence towards getting a dog.

chefswife · 27/07/2009 06:27

I would love a dog but my DH says no way. He wouldn't mind a cat though. Maybe you could ween OH into having a pet with a rabbit or guinea pig. Both are very tamable.

aGalChangedHerName · 27/07/2009 06:57

I have wanted a dog forever (been with DH for 20+ years) and he has recently decided we should have one

Would never have got one when he was so opposed to it. Wouldn't have been fair would it?

LoveMyGirls · 27/07/2009 07:17

If he works at night I can understand you might want the dog for security at night - could you explain that to him? But then again I can see why if he's working nights he wouldn't want a dog barking in the day, waking him up.

Pruneurs · 27/07/2009 07:35

I'd quite like a dog. I started half-heartedly talking dh round, and then we went to stay with some friends who have a lovely dog. It became clear to me that DH does not like dogs. He finds them really irritating and their constant neediness stresses him out.

If I got one, he'd be well within his rights to go ballistic. Even if you do all the work, your dh still has to share his home with an animal he's said he doesn't want. It's not on, really.

CyradisTheSeer · 27/07/2009 07:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

kittywise · 27/07/2009 07:43

yabvvvu.

Why does he have to want a dog?

I can't stand them, smelly, dirty, barking things

piscesmoon · 27/07/2009 07:53

You can't do it-very, very unfair on the dog. It has to be a joint decision and if you can't make it then sadly you don't have the dog.
I am sure there would be someone locally who is out at work and would be quite happy to let you borrow theirs and take it for walks-or perhaps someone who wants to go away for the weekend and you could take it in for a couple of nights.You never know-your DH might come around to the idea if he has contact with one!

mumblechum · 27/07/2009 08:33

I agree with Pruners and pisces moon. It would be totally unreasonable to get a dog or any animal if one of you doesn't want it.

I'd quite like to rehome a greyhound but know that dh thinks dogs are noisy (the neighbours ones are horrifically noisy), dirty, smelly, basically annoying so I haven't even suggested getting a dog.

It's a matter of mutual respect imo, there are enough things in the average marriage to argue about, why introduce another??

bumpsoon · 27/07/2009 08:41

YABU but i did it and both dog and DH are still here

imaynotbeperfectbutimokmummy · 27/07/2009 09:36

Only read the OP.

PLEASE do not get a dog if your DH doesn't agree. My DP did this to me, he bought a dog on the spur of the moment. The dog was totally unsuitable. I was horrified but thought, OK, its here now and i hate people who give up on animals. Anyway, i lasted a day, i was miserable and withdrawn, the dog was a wrong'un and i made him take it back - We lost the £350 that my lovely fuckwit DP paid for the animal. Don't get me wrong, i love dogs, we have a dog - but it was a joint decision, we both went and chose him, spent time getting the right dog. No nasty surprises.

Getting a dog is a massive deal, they become part of your family - to lie about it to your DH, its a bit underhanded at the very least. Shows a distinct lack of respect and consideration for the other partner. I told this to my DP even though the dog he bought was supposedly for me and my favourite breed that he knows i love, the actual dog itself was wrong for us.

Yeah, it could end well your DH will grow to like the dog, but there will always be an underlying resentment of the animal, no matter what.

If you really want a dog, make it absolutely clear to your DH how important this is to you and that you really want to get one. That you would like his blessing and want him to love the dog too. Hopefully he will respect you enough to say go ahead, respect is a two way street.

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