to ask people to take their shoes off and how would I do it?

[Pennybubbly]

OK, not a huge one in the grand scale of things, but here goes.
I've lived in Japan for 14 years now and am married to a Japanese bloke. We have 2 young dcs.
We will be moving back to the UK in the future and one of the customs here that has stuck with me is how everyone is expected to remove their shoes before they enter someone's home.
It's principally a matter of cleanliness and if you think about it, when you have small kids rolling around on the floor, it makes sense for it to be on a space where you have not walked in shoes which have in turn walked in cat wee and general dirt outside.
My DH would be horrified if someone came into our house without taking their shoes off (which of course they never do here) and though he accepts it's not the custom in the UK to do so, and would therefore never criticise (of course) friends and relatives who wear shoes in their homes, he would not want people to do so in our house. And neither would I.
So question is: AIBU and how can I ask people in the nicest possible way to respect DH's culture?

Gosh, you sound it (a crashing snob that is).

I would love to have wooden floors throughout, but don't have the money to do that. But if I did that I'd still prefer people to take outdoor shoes off. I wouldn't voluntarily choose light coloured carpets, but even if I had dark ones, again I'd still prefer people to take their outdoor shoes off. It just makes so much more sense. For one thing, if you're in the habit of taking outdoor shoes off, dogshit can never get past the doormat instead of being all over he house before you realize! But then I do actually walk most places rather than driving and having the false impression that I haven't actually been outdoors at all.

Would you think it was OK to roll your bike or motorbike right into someone's house and all over their living-room floor (carpeted or not)? It's probably no dirtier than your shoes. If imagining doing that gives you even a tiny frisson of a feeling that it might not be appropriate, then that is a hint of how it seems to people who've got used to taking shoes off in their house.

As for the idea that you have to have a 'cultural reason' - why is a Japanese person being used to having no shoes in the house a valid 'cultural reason' but an English person being used to having no shoes on in the house not one? It's the same habit - why does someone need to be in the majority for you to think their wish is worth respecting without sneering (rather than just going along with it but sneering snobbishly at them)?

Agree - being asked to put on some slippers (shudder)

DH informs me that it should be leather poufs??? Have never owned one so HTF should I know how to spell the bloody word? Great debate BTW. But fear that Mumsnet may be on the brink of full-blown class warfare on this seemingly innocent little issue. Could we start a debate about suites of matching furniture?

It was only a matter of time before someone brought up the dogshit excuse.

Do you think it's okay to put your own irrational fear of 'dirt' above the comfort of your guests?

What the hell has class to do with it? I'm not even British by birth and our next place is going to be a council flat.

Cheesesarnie- why would you ask people to take off their shoes if you have a foot phobia? What if they don't have socks on?

swishyswashyswishyswashy
THANKYOU...what words of wisdom and how refreshing to think of it in the way of a motorbike....couldnt have put it better myself.
After some teenage idiot got in my car with wretched dog poo on their feet....there is no chance its ever goin to happen in the house.

but slippers......no chance

I don't have an irrational fear of dirt, I have a highly rational dislike of cleaning up dogshit. Or are you suggesting that I just leave it there if someone walks it into the house?! Is that what you do?!

when, honestly, was the last time you stood in dogshit. and the motorcycle thing is irrelevant because a motorcycle can't Wipe Its Wheels on the mat at the door. (this point, incidentally, is when an habitual shoe-wearer notices the pungent aroma of dog shit... eeeeeeuw, how disgusting you are, with your hands all covered in dogshit cos you've only just found out when you reached down to take your shoes off. revolting. etc etc etc etc ad infinitum).

We have a no shoes rule in our house because quite frankly I have enough housework to do without having to clean the floor 5 times a day

As other people have said, the pile of shoes boots and sandals dumped by the front door is enough of a hint for most people and aside from me dp and the kids who would otherwise be in and out all day mudding up the house its not a massivly big deal to me if someone does come in with their shoes on.

I did have one incident tho when using my chirpy just pop your shoes over there voice to a relative once. The relative in question would never let anyone over her threshold with their shoes on EVER and yet informed me that her shoes were clean and she didn't need to take them off.

At the time I had a crawling babe who was teething and constantly chewing the hands that she was rubbing all over the floor.

I had also literally just cleaned the floor and just thought No ! So I explained to my relative about the crawling babe and said that I would be happy to let her wear them in my home if she was willing to lick the soles.

She took them off to show me how clean the soles were and discovered she had trodden in some dog poo! She declined the lick

OTT I know but quite frankly her house her rules my house my rules. After that she never asked again she just brought her slippers with her.

Class has nothing to do with it - nor does it have anything to do with size of tv, use of pardon or any other random mumsnet obsession.

you let someone get into YOUR CAR with their shoes on? disgusting. can you imagine the pollutants?

You could keep some car-slippers in the car to put on...

kitkatqueen
totally agree!!!!!!!!!!

"my chirpy just pop your shoes over there voice"

and that's it in a nutshell.

swishy swashy, where I come from in the world, only nice dogs crap in the street so I don't mind trailing their Surrey poo round my wooden floors. And I think you are taking my comments to heart rather. Most of what I said was tongue in cheek. I couldn't really give a flying fuck about floors/shoes/etc. Oops, are you allowed to swear on Mumsnet??

Licking shoes? Blimey this is getting more and more interesting.

a japanese person would not employ a chirpy voice. you're using a chirpy voice because you KNOW they don't want to do it.

i hate this.
i hate people askin me to take shoes off - i don't go back.

sure if its everyday and its kids and family - but occasional visitors bit overly obsessive imo

my kids have rolled around in worse than cat pee - i mean think of the disgustingness that is the grass in the park - who the hell knows who pisses there

sometimes you just have to let happen what happens. kids roll around in metaphorical shit - so what its no big deal
they won't die

and TV's big - are a class thing the poorer you are the bigger the tv - i have this from personal experience. I know a huge amount of poor people and they have mahoosive tv's. As joseph roundtree hasn't done a study on this yet, then i consider my word conclusive proof that this is true.

it is positively fucking encouraged, messalina.

rowntree

I agree with kkq - the no shoes habit for the whole family and most guests means it's not a huge deal to me either if someone does come in with shoes on. But I still can't see what on earth is wrong with a general no shoes habit and a strong hint to people to take off shoes. And I can't quite work out why it's OK for whole countries mostly to do that like Norway and Japan, but not for individual people here. Surely if it's not justified for us, it's not justified for them either?

Oh and myself and kids encounter dogshit often enough that I regularly have to clean it off shoes, despite them wiping shoes on mats (we've got doormats, yes) on the way in. And I've seen how filthy and grey carpets go when I lived in a high-traffic area of a city, just from the pollution as well. It's yukky, and as far as I'm concerned, it should as far as possible stay at the front door.

not got as far as asking people to take their shoes off in my car yet.Cant stand slippers anyway. But after the smell of rancid dog poo stinking my car out for weeks as i couldnt get rid of it with the vax, sprays, disinfectants or anything pleasant smelling....even if it was an accident how bad would i feel if i wiped dog poo, car oil,mud,crap off the road onto my friends carpets. I wud feel pretty bad.

AitchTwoOh, your last post hit the nail on the head. Chirpy and pop are offensively dainty little words. Anyway, must get on must go and wash the dog turd off "my" floors - another use of English that sends shivers up my spine.