to ask people to take their shoes off and how would I do it?

[Pennybubbly]

OK, not a huge one in the grand scale of things, but here goes.
I've lived in Japan for 14 years now and am married to a Japanese bloke. We have 2 young dcs.
We will be moving back to the UK in the future and one of the customs here that has stuck with me is how everyone is expected to remove their shoes before they enter someone's home.
It's principally a matter of cleanliness and if you think about it, when you have small kids rolling around on the floor, it makes sense for it to be on a space where you have not walked in shoes which have in turn walked in cat wee and general dirt outside.
My DH would be horrified if someone came into our house without taking their shoes off (which of course they never do here) and though he accepts it's not the custom in the UK to do so, and would therefore never criticise (of course) friends and relatives who wear shoes in their homes, he would not want people to do so in our house. And neither would I.
So question is: AIBU and how can I ask people in the nicest possible way to respect DH's culture?

We're a shoes off house. i have always taken my shoes off at home, even though my parents house was shoes on. I don't want the outdoors coming in and will ask guests to remove shoes. It always baffles me when people look confused/unwilling, though virtually all comply. The ones who give strange looks tend to be those who see their shoes as part of a fashion outfit. We don't have cream carpets and I am not precious about housework, but I do not want outdoor shoes traipsed all over my house. The only person who constantly complains is my mother. It's tough, she has to lump it. My house, my rules . "When in Rome"...

hahaha yeah I said traipse dammit..I don't think that comfort equals wearing your shitty (or not) shoes around my home or me forcing you to wear mine around yours to prove a point..as guest i don't feel I have the right to make my host feel uncomfortable either.

oh i always comply, i don't have bad manners. unlike someone who prioritises their own comfort over people who are in their home for a couple of hours.

I genuinely don't understand why taking shoes off is uncomfortable though? I'm much more comfortable without my shoes. Obviously if it's a dressy occasion and heels are part of the outfit, that's a different thing, but how is taking off ordinary shoes a terrible discomfort?

because you then have to walk around someone's poxy house in your stocking soles, picking up all sorts of crap off their floors. it's the absolute WORST in people's kitchens. bleeeargh.

The floor is often really cold-I then spend ages trying to rub some warmth back into my feet-and NO-I do not want to wear someone else's slippers!

I've always been a bit embarressed about my feet (that is until I discovered PED EGG, but that's another thread) so would be mortified if I had to slip my shoes off.

Also some of my shoes make my feet PONK. if one knows one is going to a shoes off house one can make the appropriate plans.

If it's a surprise, it literally stinks.

Jeez, these ones run and run. Look, I have whiffy feet. Everyone would keel over and die. More to the point, I would be mortified. Which is not what you want in a guest.

Dirt is everywhere, however hard you try, you can't escape it. You just gotta get over that.

Well said CybilLiberty

Pennybubbly
my children and i have always taken our shoes off at the front or back door so that the house stays clean.I carpeted the downstairs with a very pale coloured carpet and would like to keep it clean.
Even my eldest son who is now 21,when he had 20 mates round at xmas, they all took their shoes off at the door when he asked and now every time they come round they take them off automatically without being asked.
The added bonus to this is that the girls and guys actually feel more at home becos they end up tucking their feet underneath them on the cream settee or they feel comfortable putting their feet up totally and its nice to see them half lying down in a comfortable postion rather than sat bolt upright with shoes and feet on the floor.
I never have to ask anyone anymore and even new visitors seem to do it without being asked as i always wander around in bare feet.
I wud never dream of going beyond the hallway in anyones house with my shoes on.

Well, of course kids with muddy feet take their shoes off. But making adults? Don't have cream carpets and furniture?

It's basically a class issue.

lol at 'i have carpeted the downstairs with a very pale coloured carpet'. WHY?

becos we like it

I can't imagine people would be offended, especially if they realise your husband is Japanese. I usually offer to take my shoes off if I notice that the host isn't wearing any or if I see shoes by the door. I can see the practicality of taking one's shoes off, but I personally find it very naf when English people with no cultural reason for it have a no shoes in the house policy. And slippers round the house are right out. They should be reserved for the bedroom. It's not an old folks home. I would agree with Manic Mother and add that carpets rather than wooden floors are naf anyway so should have dirt trodden all over them. But in your case, given your husband's nationality, think it perfectly acceptable. And I am a crashing snob and unrepresentative of the population at large.

Noone makes people take their shoes off, they are just polite enuf and the politeness is returned

I think saying peoples' shoes are dirty when you actually have manky carpets in your house, which are filthy unless you're every day washing them, is a bit rich.

Burn the carpets.

Carpets aren't naff, messalina, they are beyond vile. At least rushes of hay could be swept out and burned.

i ask people to take they're shoes off in my house.never really had anyone with a problem with it.i have a foot phobia and if wearing no socks under shoes when out(if going somewhere i have to take shoes off)i take spare socks in my bag

lol. i'll bet you don't have to utter a word, mrs 'ai hev carpeted my home in a very pale colour and i'd like it to stay that way'.

don't you people have mats so that guests can clean any mud off? (i mean really, mud ffs, if i was walking through mud i'd be in wellies and obviously they're off at the back door.)

cheesesarnie, this thread puts that theory to bed, surely? loads of us are saying that we find it insulting and unwelcoming, but we'd never tell our friends that. we'd just comply and feel uncomfortable. let's say even 30% of your guests feel that way...

a foot phobia?

oh, good god!

cheesesarnie
glad you dont have a problem either.

In fact, come to think of it, slippers are pointless. I have never owned a pair and never will. They are in the same league as doillies, napkin rings, fish knives, those stupid dolls pensioners have to cover up their bog roll, nests of tables, those bead covers for car seats (anyone remember those?), leather poofs, and any number of pointless contrivances. Think the point someone made about smelly feet is a good one. What about holes in socks? Or odd socks. The sort of person who insists on shoes off is not the sort of person who would wear mismatching socks. I would be quite naffed off, come to think of it, if I were in heels and made to take them off. And wearing a suit or smart dress without shoes would look really silly.

I'm shoe free in my house - partly because I don't like wearing shoes..... I enjoy being barefoot...and partly because I am a slattern and if I can avoid cleaning I will (and floor is less dirty when shoes are removed)

That said - I do not ask or insist that guests remove shoes. I leave it up to them.

I'd actually rather make my apologies and depart than wear some fecking used slippers-god-knows-whose-feet have been in.