to ask people to take their shoes off and how would I do it?

[Pennybubbly]

OK, not a huge one in the grand scale of things, but here goes.
I've lived in Japan for 14 years now and am married to a Japanese bloke. We have 2 young dcs.
We will be moving back to the UK in the future and one of the customs here that has stuck with me is how everyone is expected to remove their shoes before they enter someone's home.
It's principally a matter of cleanliness and if you think about it, when you have small kids rolling around on the floor, it makes sense for it to be on a space where you have not walked in shoes which have in turn walked in cat wee and general dirt outside.
My DH would be horrified if someone came into our house without taking their shoes off (which of course they never do here) and though he accepts it's not the custom in the UK to do so, and would therefore never criticise (of course) friends and relatives who wear shoes in their homes, he would not want people to do so in our house. And neither would I.
So question is: AIBU and how can I ask people in the nicest possible way to respect DH's culture?

That's good to know, Filly, because if we get offered this place (I'm seeing the Homelessness Officer tomorrow) then we're going to take it and our chief thing we want to do (aside from the walls) are the floors.

In here (my landlord's place) I ripped the carpets out of the bathroom and W/C, very lightly sanded (by hand because they were not big spaces) and then painted with boat paint with a bit of sand mixed in (I got the idea from that bloke who does the house doctoring).

It worked a treat! They really look good and it didn't cost much at all (again, not big spaces). So was planning to do this in the bathroom and just sand and varnish the rest, with maybe a runner on the stairs for anti-slippage.

i don't mind a carpet in bedrooms, but as it happens we've got one rug each in the front room and dd's room and oak boards the rest. they don't get that dirty, tbh, even with all the traipsing. perhaps it's because we have an innovative door mat outside?

make a paste with the sandings and varnish or whatever you use and seal the gaps with the mix, expat.

DS has a friend at school with a Japanese mum, she took her shoes off before coming into our house.

When ds went to her house he took his shoes off (probably because his friend did), when I went to pick him up I went to take off my boots and she told me not to. So as I was just literally popping over the threshold I didn't. And then of course he wouldn't come and I had to walk into the house...

Of course in NZ there are some people who never wear shoes at all. So I guess she has lowered her expectations a bit.

thanks for the tip, aitch! that's a great one.

Gag! I had better coffee backpacking and camping miles from nowhere than that instant crap.

I have a 'Big Sky Bistro', which is a French press in a mug! It's fab. REAL coffee whilst backpacking. That's the ticket.

Oops, wrong thread .

Yanbu. A lot of people do take thier shoes off in the UK. We do it in our house. Just ask them noone will mind.

I must say, I've always found the ones that ask you to take your shoes off to be a leetle bit precious.

I wouldn't hesitate to comply, though. Your house, your business.

In my house I only ask that people remove their shoes before sticking their feet up on the sofa.

I don't mind people asking me to take shoes off as long as the floor isn't freezing and there's somewhere for me to sit down and do it.

SIL3 has immaculate white carpets and is very precious, but much as I'd love to remove boots ASAP and not get tutted at, there is physically no way I or MIL can remove footwear without a chair. Which means walking over the carpeted hall to get to the kitchen before I can get them off. We haven't been invited round for the last 2 years.

Had huge argument about this in a multicultural place I worked, most people didn't mind being asked or would do it automatically, but a Greek woman was aghast that anyone might ask - what if you had holey socks! Cue other aghast people that someone always so immaculately dressed might have holey socks!

we dont wear shoes in our house and have finally convinced OLs to take their shoes off when they visit, but if they just pop in like to wait for dp then they walk in in shoes and say oh we arent stopping, it drives me mad, i feel like asking if their shoes are cleaner just cos its a short visit.
also some people we have asked and they have done it reluctantly but the next time they come walk straight in in shoes and i dont like to ask twice.

I would never ask anyone to remove their shoes and tbh none of my friends or family ask me or anybody to remove shoes in their houses ...I most have exceptionally scruffy mates

We do not take our shoes off where I came from and it would be considered extremely rude to ask guests to do so. Therefore we tend not to do it (also no carpet anywhere so dirt is better hidden) and don't ask guests (floor can be cold in winter).

However I think it is a much much more civilised way to remove shoes at the door and most people I know do that and I am happy to comply (would not wear slippers though) - and remind myself to adopt such practice.

I know quite a few people who ask us to take our shoes off when we go round. Most people only need telling once and will remember next time this is a 'shoes off' house.

I don't mind a bit. I think it's quite sensible and I can imagine if you're used to it, the wearing of shoes indoors seems foul in the way that it would seem foul to others to walk on the sofa or on the bed with shoes on.

Make sure you have some shelves by the front door for shoes to make it easy.

OP in answer to your original post no, yanbu.

We have always taken outdoor shoes off. Especially with toddlers and crawling babies in the house.

Even more so after reading that you can tread all sorts of environmental pollutants into your house that way

Just seems bad manners to leave dirty shoes on, IMO.

We have a no shoes rule because we live in a rented house with stupid cream carpets, and I don't fancy losing my deposit when we move out because people have walked dirt all over the carpets.

Nor do I want to spend my hard earned cash on having the carpets cleaned when it's quite easy to remove shoes.

However, now I am a fan of shoe removal, I have to say. I don't understand why people would find it offensive to be asked, I mean how exactly does it harm anyone to take their shoes off? I think as long it's asked politely and not made into a precious thing (i.e. not making a cat's bum face if someone doesn't ) then it's fine.

WhatFreshHellIsThis - yes that is where we got the habit from too. Living in rented for 25 years as taught us to be very clean, no shoes and throw clutter out regularly.

Yes when we had cram carpet it was a strict no shoes rule but have to say most people take them off automatically anyway, especially if you see piles of shoes/shoeroack by the door.
shamefully it is easier to be lazy with dark wooden floor.

What I would do is to wait and see if they start to take their shoes off - if they do, there won't be a problem and you won't have to ask. If they don't start to take their shoes off, you should just ask.

When I go to someone's house, I do as they do.

-If they are clearly shoes off, I take them off
-If they are clearly shoes on, I keep them on (provided not muddy/wet)
-If I am unsure, I ask - do you want me to take my shoes off and comply with the answer

The last few people's houses I have been to are shoes off houses. I think it is on the increase - not sure whether the majority are shoes on or shoes off.

Personally, we have shoes off. We don't usually ask, people just see that we don't wear shoes inside. When we had DS and DD christened, we had about 12 guests back to our house. All voluntarily removed their shoes apart from my dad and his wife. He does it to annoy me I think - when DD was only a few weeks old (having been born a little early), he trampled on her playmat in his shoes!! He nearly snapped a plastic bit on it and I thought it was really bad behaviour (he is not elderly or anything like that in case you think I am being mean!). My brother and his gf have just got their own flat and they have cream carpets - my dad trampled them and marked them by wearing shoes deliberately when my brother was out!!

Those of you who inwardly seethe when removing shoes (having been asked or having to do so because it is obvious), how do you feel about your host inwardly seething when you don't remove your shoes?

And some of us have light carpets in places because the rooms are small/there isn't much light and it is just to make the rooms less cave like. Not because we want cream carpets to be precious.

I don't think the OP is being unreasonable, but I do think you should make it clear that it's a cultural thing.

I hate it when people come into my house and take their shoes off automatically. It feels awkward, and I don't want them to think I care more about the frigging carpet, and - ew - germs, than I do about their comfort.

In general, I think asking or telling people to remove their shoes gives the impression of being a bit mimsy and neurotic. Sorry.

What makes me lol is when people selectively ask guests to remove shoes.

I was at a kids party a while back. The host (one child, likes colouring) asked around half the families, which basically translated into those with boys, to remove their shoes. Now I suppose you could make out a case for boys POSSIBLY being more likely to have mud on their shoes, POSSIBLY, but what made me lol was that the ENTIRE FAMILY was asked to remove the shoes, if there was a small boy in the family. And her reason? She had a new cream carpet in the study (Upstairs. Stairgated. Locked).

I think the point of the exercise was to show moral superiority over those of us with boys, lol, because as she never tires of telling us, she has only girls (quite competitive over this) and also to let EVERYONE know that she had a NEW CREAM CARPET in the study.

I don't really like wearing shoes and feel awkward keeping them on in people's houses so tend to take them off at the door (sorry TMWOSQ!). My children do the same (about the ONLY thing I ever managed to train them to do was to leave their shoes neatly on the mat at the door!!!) We only have one rug (wall-to-wall carpet pretty much non-existent here in Belgium) so it's not really about being precious. People tend to ask here if they have to take their shoes off (seeing the shoes at the door) and now my dc are older I leave it up to the guest(s) (don't have spare slippers) but used to say yes please when they were little.

I remember some years ago having a conversation with a smoker about not allowing guests to smoke in my house. "How can you invite someone you know is a smoker to your house and then ask him/her not to smoke? That's not exactly respecting the wishes of your guest, is it?". When I asked if he would respect my wishes as a guest in his home and not smoke as I hate it, he replied "But it's my home, so I'll smoke if I want to". When I pointed out he'd win both ways then, he didn't have an answer. Anyway, years on, I don't know anybody who still smokes so this discussion has become irrelevant. Maybe the same thing is happening with shoes as it would appear that more and more people have "shoe-free houses" and in a few years' time it will be pretty much the norm to take your shoes off at the door without causing offence.

yeah yeah whatever, blah blah germs, pollutants, dirt, traipsing... you care more about your carpets and your comfort than the comfort of your guests. and your guests know it.

i let people smoke in my house as well... it happens so very rarely that people want to, and it doesn't kill us. i hate smoking, but i'd hate the idea of making a guest traipse out to the door and stand miserably in the cold even more.