Children gone on Hols with ex and he wont answer the phone or let me speak to them!!! What can i do???

[Babywhiting]

my 2 children have gone on their hols with my ex we have been seperated for 5 years and he asked if they could go with him he has only ever had them stay 2 nights with him in a row! had the odd night once or twice!

they went friday its now thursday and i have not been able to contact them! my dd has a mobile which i ring and it keeps ringing and the ex just cuts his phone off when i ring, ive sent messages saying id like to talk to the kids which he ignored till yesterday when he sent a message saying
"not got good signal will see if they want to talk to you later"

not a word back no call nothing!

i miss my kids and wish they had never gone! what do i do??

That's a bit sweeping Skidoodle!!!

We did too msled. And when we went to Cornwall and knew we were going to have no signal we gave her the cottage address, and the agent's address and phone number and told her not to panic if we didn't answer the mobile.

Dsd, of course, was always perfectly OK when she was with us, but it wasn't about making sure she was kept in touch with her mum if she needed to (which was a given), it was about doing the right thing and not pissing her mum off if we could possibly help it. Of course we failed on that front as she was furious that I had written the details out (it was that or not have them as dh was late home from work and, unusually, she had dropped dsd at our house) .

He's being an idiot to play this game. How can it possibly be in the childrens' best interests to be in the middle of this.

I can't believe how you have been attacked on this thread OP. Agree wholeheartedly with Dittany and AnyFucker.

YANBU, I would drive there if I were you. I would be going nuts.

She hasn't said she is 'worried' for their safety. She says she misses them and worries they are bored and miss her.

What if he has taken the phone away from the 8 yr old?

There is a difference between being slightly twattish and doing something which is likely to merit the attention of the police.

As others have said, you don't have to get on. You can hate each other, have minimal contact, but still both be good parents in your own way. If he does things in a different way that is not something you can do anything about.

Having said that, one phone call wouldn't hurt.

(Fathers for Justice, FFS. Honestly.)

Don't have a go at me Dittany! Bloody hell, I'm not in devon with her kids!
I just replied to someone who said that if she was worried (ie about the kids safety) she should pack up her babies and drive hundreds of miles. I just said she didn't seem worried about their SAFETY but about their HAPPINESS and her own. I didn't say it was OK for a dad to make a mum miserable and worried about her kids's HAPPINESS. FFS!

What if she is scared of her dad? I would never have disobeyed my parents. I knew what would happen if I did.

babywhiting,you are absolutely NBU and you must be frantic with worry.Is there any way you can go to Dulverton yourself just to see the kids?If not can you ring the site manager to make sure they are still there?
In your circumstances I would be going there,retrieving my kids,and telling him he had had his chance and had blown it.I see that you have younger children but at the weekend perhaps you could leave them with your dp?

Me, I'd text every day and talk to my solicitor about future contact, and go ballistic when they got back.

sunfleurs - if dd is scared of her dad, the op wouldn't have sent her on holiday with him. FGS!

What has he actually done which merits the involvement of a solicitor? He has not broken the custody/ access agreement - they have gone on holiday with the mother's consent.

He is just being a bit arsey. Maybe he feels arsey about something in particular. The two of them need to sit down and talk.

What a horrible situation for you all to be in and it's not being helped by people slagging you off or panicking you.

I would definitely ring the site and ask to talk to the manager, and ask her to discretely check on the kids without telling them why then call you back, because I think it will just inflame things if he thinks you're checking up on him.

Send a message to DD again, just asking her to call you when she's got a minute.

Then try and relax and remember that they are with their dad, who may not be a great dad but still IS their dad.

Try not to resort to panicky over-reactions of any sort. If he doesn't bring them back after 2 weeks then you'd have a problem, but at the moment they're just trying to have a nice holiday.

And remember that those children love you and are not going to change the way they feel because of any 'brain-washing' in 2 weeks.

x

I'd talk to a solicitor about getting a binding agreement that in future he must arrange for the kids to call if they are away with him. It is completely unreasonable not to call, bad reception or not. When we had my stepson, if we had bad reception we'd drive to where it was better so his mum could hear from him. It's cruel not to, especially when the youngest is only five and hasn't been away from his mum before.

The op has already said she had to persuade her dd to go in the first place, so her dd could well be afraid of the dad, the fact she did let them go, shows she is encouraging them to have a relationship with him, the least he could do, is let them call her

Just here to give some empathy to the OP really.. it's horrid and i've been on the recieving end of this, the ds's go abroad for 3 weeks every year with ex.. 99% of the time somewhere with no signal.. cottage or villa with no phone etc etc.

The first few years I worried myself sick.. now not so much ( hope that thought helps a little).

I insist they carry ID cards on them with a contact number for me.. just incase there ever was an emergency and someone needed to get hold of me.

but apart from that .. they have always come home on time having had a great time, and never really wanted me .

I am very sure that this will be the case for you.. the bit that helped me out a lot was to make sure I was busy doing things and going out... rather than indoors worrying.

yes he should find a payphone or signal area and at least text you to say all is fine and they are having a great time... or just pop the dc's on the phone to say hi.

maybe next time you could sort an agreement out together saying they call you or text you every 3rd day ( that's what we do now... although sometimes it can be a week or more.)

If I were you now.. I'd send a text just saying please call me using a phone box if needed. try and stay calm.. and try and relax on your time off full mum duties.

You could call the local police to the area and tell them how very worried you are that you haven't heard from them. I don't think that would be unreasonable at all. but it may cause a big uproar with your ex if they did turn up and interfer with his holiday.

I am sure though they will be fine and having a great time. and a {hug}

BabyW - without knowing the details of what has gone before, and the reasons for the court order, its not possible to know how you should react. Thats not to say you should post them, just that you are the only person here who really knows the full story.

If there has ever been any abuse or violence in the relationship then I'd be calling the police now. You say he would never hurt them - so if you are right, he is 'just' trying (and succeeding) to hurt you.

Out of order, without doubt. But if you really believe thats the case then there's little you can do except wait and then make sure it can't happen again. Get something written up regarding phone contact when they are away maybe?

What merits the involvement of a solicitor is the fact that he is not maintaining contact between his children and their mother (and primary carer) despite her attempts to make contact.

"being arsey" about something is no excuse for a grown man to behave in this way. It's inexcusable to do this to your children and their other parent, no matter what has gone on before.

If someone did this to me and my children there's no way we'd be sitting down for cosy chats about it afterwards. It would always be soliticitors from then on.