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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Children gone on Hols with ex and he wont answer the phone or let me speak to them!!! What can i do???

427 replies

Babywhiting · 23/07/2009 10:38

my 2 children have gone on their hols with my ex we have been seperated for 5 years and he asked if they could go with him he has only ever had them stay 2 nights with him in a row! had the odd night once or twice!

they went friday its now thursday and i have not been able to contact them! my dd has a mobile which i ring and it keeps ringing and the ex just cuts his phone off when i ring, ive sent messages saying id like to talk to the kids which he ignored till yesterday when he sent a message saying
"not got good signal will see if they want to talk to you later"

not a word back no call nothing!

i miss my kids and wish they had never gone! what do i do??

OP posts:
wannaBe · 23/07/2009 16:55

but posters are using the op's situation to lump all men into the same category - it's the old "all men are bastards, all women are victims" attitude that is so prevalent on mn.

if the ex has refused to allow his children to contact their mother, and to be fair we don't know that he has, all we know is that she hasn't spoken to her children, for one reason or another, but if he's refused to allow them to contact her then he is an arse, that's not in question. However it's also relevant that here is a mother who moved house without telling her xh where she had moved to, and who refused to allow him to see his children at christmas because he hadn't given her enough money.

It seems that both parties here are so intent at getting back at each other, that the children's needs have been totally forgotten by both of them.

ErnestTheBavarian · 23/07/2009 16:57

I think reducing the behaviour of this man - failing to contact the children's mother, saying he will and then not do it, and failing to ensure the children are able to speak to their mum, this all goes beyond being "annoying" and "a bit of a tit" fgs

andyourpoint · 23/07/2009 16:57

If I was worried about my children I'd be at the campsite now. If I was worried about the father being not capable of looking after them safely I wouldn't have let them go.

For all we know he could have been trying to contact, we just don't know the facts.

WarhammerFan · 23/07/2009 16:57

OP I haven't read the whole thread.

I think you are being a bit paranoid. Your children are with their father on holiday. Why do you need to be ever present, when they are with their father?

DSs 1 & 2 go on holiday with their father and I try and limit my phone calls to as close to never as possible. It's an intrusion to bombard him with demands on your children's time when they are with him.

It's really important that your children have as good a relationship with their father as they can. It's something you should be encouraging.

CyradisTheSeer · 23/07/2009 16:57

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Message withdrawn

dittany · 23/07/2009 16:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CurryMaid · 23/07/2009 17:00

Dear lord, stop arguing and give the poor woman some support for gods sake.

This clearly shouldn't be in AIBU but you lot bickering about it amongst yourselves is hardly going to make her feel better or reassured is it now?

junglist1 · 23/07/2009 17:01

But a few of us agree that this isn't normal, it's not just Dittany. She can see warning signs is all. It's been a week and that's a fucking long time

dittany · 23/07/2009 17:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

imoscarsmum · 23/07/2009 17:01

Having had a brief read of posts here, no wonder some MNetters are put off posting asking for advice!

FFS this woman is worried about her kids and wants practical advice. It's none of our business to ask about court orders or make judgements on her or her ex.

Some posters are too quick to make up their own minds and judge people without knowing the facts.

If I was the OP, I would be worried but that's cos I worry about things like accidents, which can happen to anyone. I hope you found some solutions OP, ignore anything else.

dittany · 23/07/2009 17:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CyradisTheSeer · 23/07/2009 17:03

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UnquietDad · 23/07/2009 17:04

"The worst thing I said about you was that you'd been taken in by their propaganda."
Which I haven't.

The BNP are a proven racist organisation which is run by unashamed racists. It's not even open for debate. Many of their members have been convicted of offences involving racial hatred. The examples are too numerous to mention.

It is, at the very least, still under debate what kind of organisation F4J is. It's not a political organisation or party, and people who join them don't need to sign up to any charter. No criminal proceedings, as far as I'm aware, have resulted from any F4J activities.

Hulababy · 23/07/2009 17:04

Hope you have managed to talk to your children OP.

I am amazed that so many people think it is okay for this father to be restricting the children from speaking to their mother. I'd go mad if I couldn't get in touch with my DD. If I go away for the night I phone DD to say good night.

I really don't think it is unreasonable of the OP to want to speak to her very young childre to see if they are ok and having a good time. I do think the father is unreasonable for not having the children speak to their mum in over a week though.

dittany · 23/07/2009 17:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

wannaBe · 23/07/2009 17:05

but the problem is that the advice op was given was way ott, with people becoming hysterical and claiming that ex husbands kill their children on a regular basis just to get back at their ex's, to get the police involved etc...

Court orders etc are only relevant because it was the op who brought up the fact that her ex had a court order to allow contact, which only allows for two phone calls a week which the op is not prepared to budge on and if he calls more than twice she can call the police...

Many people suggested the op drive down there if she is really worried. But clearly she's not worried enough to do that.

But all these cries of child abuse/murder etc really aren't being supportive to the op either, are they?

UnquietDad · 23/07/2009 17:06

I am going to stop this ridiculous argument because CurryMaid is right - it's not helping the OP.

I hope this thread is deleted if and when it is all resolved.

CurryMaid · 23/07/2009 17:07

Perhaps she hasn't been back because she is doing those things?

I disagree Cyrasdis,you could take your bickering and your personal vendettas elsewhere.

WarhammerFan · 23/07/2009 17:07

F4J are mostly an organisation that like to dress up as cartoon characters and climb on roofs.

myredcardigan · 23/07/2009 17:08

Well to be fair, the OP did say she couldn't drive down there as she had two other young children at home.

daisydora · 23/07/2009 17:08

Maybe she is on he way there and thats why she hasn't posted for a while?

junglist1 · 23/07/2009 17:10

I hope she got to speak to them

dittany · 23/07/2009 17:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WarhammerFan · 23/07/2009 17:11

If the OP was genuinely worried about the safety of her older children, having two younger children at home wouldn't stop her driving down there. If you are genuinely worried you act.

skidoodle · 23/07/2009 17:13

Right, so either

  1. she is overreacting by being worried and therefore an irrational cow

or

  1. she is not really worried because she hasn't gone straight down there to cause a row, so therefore is a bit suspect and probably a manipulative cow