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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have lied to ds1

132 replies

TheLadyEvenstar · 20/07/2009 21:15

Ok bit of background but keeping it brief as poss as I am trying to settle ds2.

Basically he is forever telling silly lies to me over everything. He has been totally ignorant uncooperative, rude, bolshy and naughty for 3 days solid. Last night screaming at me "If i had some decent family member to go to I would and would leave this home as I hate you and you are nothing to me" I tried to ignore it and put him in his bedroom before i said anything in return iyswim?

ANYWAY he was meant to be going to cinema tomorrow with a friend. I phoned friends mum and told her he would not be going because of his behaviour, as far as I was concerned that was the end of it. However today he has been just the same, my mum bought the HP film on dvd today as she knows I will never get to the cinema as ds2 won't stay with anyone. Well ds1 has been a brat so and so all day and I happened to ask him to load the dishwasher so he asked to watch the HP dvd. I said yes and once he had done dishwasher i told him he was not watching it. Cue him telling me i was evil....but i wasn't being, not really, i just wanted him to understand what it is like to be lied to when you are asking someone to do something and they promise you they will.

OP posts:
slowreadingprogress · 21/07/2009 00:06

I really must go to bed

But have to agree with filch

Ds is 7 and the only news he sees is newsround, because that is for children. He knows nothing of holly and Jessica, or Madeleine McCann because he is not an adult. What he does know is the basics of staying safe, stranger danger etc; all in an age appropriate way.

As he gets older of course he will see more news but children do need to be protected from the news not because we're overprotective or trying to conceal the truth; it's because they are NOT adults and they don't have adult thought processes or experience of the world and thus don't have the ability to put the news in it's proper context

I do think you sound like you are not being very open minded to the fact that anything you could have done as a parent could have had any effect on your ds

Where do you think his behaviour comes from? why do you think he is like he is?

fortyplus · 21/07/2009 00:08

'So far this weekend (since friday to today) he has lost

laptop
mp3 player
ps2
trip to cinema
ear piercing (classy)
trip swimming
and
watching HP dvd'

Sounds to me as though his punishments are heaped on him so unrelentingly that it's no wonder he thinks he hates you.

Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 21/07/2009 00:08

Shineon, I have removed a lot these last few days because he has been really bad.

I do all the things you mention, encourage the good, ignore the minor bad, deal with the majors.

he is nasty in the way he speaks and treats me. For example the things he says.
I have always parented him properly, disciplined when needed etc, and for the times we are out he is angellic (ok saturday was an exception) I do bollock him when needed and do my best nt to shout, i try to give him opportunity to talk things through etc but nothing seems to get through except me not asking him to do anything and giving him his own way all the time.

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RumourOfAHurricane · 21/07/2009 00:08

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RumourOfAHurricane · 21/07/2009 00:11

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Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 21/07/2009 00:12

Forty, he has asked to have his ear done since he was 3 he will be 11 in 9 days and i am letting him have it done as i always promised him he could if he still wanted it when he was 11.

Normally he gets 1 or 2 things removed but this weekend he has not given up at all.

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RumourOfAHurricane · 21/07/2009 00:15

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fortyplus · 21/07/2009 00:15

Sorry but it's really not classy for boys to have their ears pierced at that age. If he wants a tattoo at 16 are you going to let him have that too?

Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 21/07/2009 00:17

Shine, I am not a better parent. I don't see parents are bad (well some) I am sure that circumstances we were in added to the way he is, i know it had an affect on me. So i don't doubt it has affected him. I am not asking who or what is to blame i was just letting off steam.

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Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 21/07/2009 00:18

Forty no not at 16 lol maybe a bit older, you are asking someone who at one time wore 9 earrings, has 2 other peircings and 5 tattoos....

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RumourOfAHurricane · 21/07/2009 00:19

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fortyplus · 21/07/2009 00:20

It's a label but it's not one I'd like to wear

Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 21/07/2009 00:21

Shine, lol i know i know cos you are an A OK parent just like us all !!!

I don't have a prob with him having his ear peirced i just have postponed it for a few days.

OP posts:
Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 21/07/2009 00:22

how is it a label? i don't get that sorry.

its a piece of jewelery no different to a ring, chain, bracelet, watch they can all be taken off.

OP posts:
fortyplus · 21/07/2009 00:23

Do I really need to spell it out?

Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 21/07/2009 00:25

yes, why is an earring such a big deal? I know a lot of little boys younger than him with their ear done, and a lot of men as well....

looking at dp now and wondering what this label is

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fortyplus · 21/07/2009 00:29

Oh - ok then - you did ask.

If I think of the boys I know...
The sons of businesspeople, office workers, company directors, solicitors, accountants etc don't have one single piercing between them.

Out of the half dozen or so with ear rings, three have an asbo to go with it and one has a tattoo already (aged 15).

gettingagrip · 21/07/2009 00:31

TheLadyEvenstar I don't know your back story at all, but I wonder what your DS's father was like? You call him his sperm donor.

What was his character?

I ask because I have personality disorders in my family, and it is believed now that the tendency towards these can be inherited.

I am worried about my son at the moment, and he sounds rather like yours. I have never indulged my son, but he has been idealised by his fathers side of the family.

Your son sounds as though he knows what he is doing and indeed is enjoying doing it. How is he with his friends and at school?

I may be way off the mark, but it rings some bells with me.

Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 21/07/2009 00:32

Forty, is that not lumping people together?

as I said i have peircings and tattoos, have never been in trouble with the police. My dp has an earring and 3 tattoos and never has either

My brother in law has 8 tattoos and 2 earrings never been in trouble wth police.

where as i know men/women who have neither yet have. It is not an earring or tattoo that make a person it is their personality.

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HolyScrotum · 21/07/2009 00:33

Dont personally like ear piercing for men, def not for boys but thsts my personal taste.
I know enough to know that a hole in the ear is no indicator of how good, kind, clever, funny, talented etc a person is or isnt.
Fortyplus, you sound so petty.

Alambil · 21/07/2009 00:34

it's gonna be chav, isn't it....

fortyplus · 21/07/2009 00:35

Oh and if it comes to grown men then the 'labels' would be one of these:

Serviceman/ex serviceman

Rock star

Ageing hippy

Unskilled manual worker

Does your dp fall into any of those categories?

Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 21/07/2009 00:35

Getting, hos father was a violent bully, as was his father and by all accounts his mother as well. I have to say ds1 has been indulged not so much by me as the rest of the family, thats not to say i did not give him all i could but it was always on special ocassions iyswim?

atm I am waiting for feedback from the child psychologist for a disorder which i also posted about on here a few weeks ago.

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fortyplus · 21/07/2009 00:37

One of my friends' dads was a magistrate. Back in the 80s theyt actually had a guidance note saying that just because 80% of people with tattoos had a criminal conviction it didn't mean they should convict people on those grounds alone!

RumourOfAHurricane · 21/07/2009 00:38

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