My blood is boiling at this thread

[chaosisawayoflife]

Warning: contains link to a website full of selfish bridezillas worrying about how a woman breastfeeding at their wedding will ruin the day for them.
here

hey Jude I know its your opinion but you are wonderfully ill-informed, uneducated and socially retarded IMO.

Look at the research, the science, and not because all your luvvy friends couldn't be bothered when it bf got a bit difficult.

You sound like a typically snotty wannabe Primrose Hill idiot.

Of course everyone is different in how they want to raise their children, but realise that just because the majority do it it doesn't mean its correct.

' The point is, if your child wants to carry on, you need a good reason to say no. What good reason do you think there is?'

I wanted my body back!!!
I had 9 months of giving my unborn baby the best possible start and the first few months with breast milk only-feeding on demand followed by a mixed diet including breast milk for the best part of a year. By the time they are running around and can ask for it they do not need it. I serve home cooked food, cooked from scratch and they get a good variety with plenty of fruit and vegetables. As a baby they are not aware of self-they are an extension of you. By 2 they are becoming aware that they are separate, which is why you get the tantrums as they experient with their own will. I am not selfless and I don't wish to be entirely at the beck and call of a toddler-I don't think it does them any good either.
If you can talk to a 2 year old about abstract ideas such as the meaning of life you can explain that they can have milk out of a cup!
I think it says far more about the mother than the DC. I have never known a DC upset about stopping, but I have known plenty of mothers who are upset. The DC is excited about the next stage-not looking back.

piscesmoon, has someone told you that you shouldn't have stopped at 9 months? You had a good personal reason to stop - that's absolutely fine. Nobody is judging you for it. I'm not sure why then you are feeling the need to judge those who continued for more than 9 months.

"By the time they are running around and can ask for it they do not need it." No they don't need it (most of the time), just as they don't need teddy bears or unnecessary cuddles or pink milk. So what's your point? (Although on occasions when you have a toddler who is sick with a bad cold or stomach bug and won't eat but will still breastfeed, your assessment of this "need" changes somewhat.)

"I am not selfless and I don't wish to be entirely at the beck and call of a toddler-I don't think it does them any good either." Very few natural term breastfeeders continue to feed their toddlers throughout the day - it just isn't practical for most women. For most it is just at bedtimes/in the morning, just as a non-breastfed child might have milk in a cup at that time, so there is no more issue with being "at the beck and call" of the child than there would be if you weren't breastfeeding.

"If you can talk to a 2 year old about abstract ideas such as the meaning of life you can explain that they can have milk out of a cup!" Well obviously they have milk out of a cup as well. If the child wants to continue to breastfeed, and the mother is happy to let it, what exactly is there to explain?

"I think it says far more about the mother than the DC. I have never known a DC upset about stopping, but I have known plenty of mothers who are upset. The DC is excited about the next stage-not looking back." This is just ludicrous. What on earth do you imagine goes on in the households of natural term breastfeeders? That they are forcing their breasts on their children? This is simply not how it works.

Again, so much ignorance on these posts. Piscesmoon -spend a few moments reading the threads on here where mums are asking how best to stop bf without going through countless tears from their child. I stopped at 4 and 3 and both kids were upset. I wasnt.
Jude - it's simply not worth engaging with someone like you who is so close minded, bigoted and clueless, ill educated ( I could go on).

I completely agree PiecesMoon...finally somone who is not talking aout of their jacksy and spouting ridiculous hippy rubbish or banging on about WHO guidelines which may well be relevant in the 3rd World where of course in the face of poverty and starvation bfing forever is a very good idea.

Jude why are you so angry about this? Do you have a bit of an issue about breasts?

who's angry

I know what you are saying Jude and some people do just that. I think most people have a cut off point in mind.

I would never feed my over 18 month old kids in front of people who are likely to be offended, i might take them some where quiet to do it though.
I can't be bothered with a big scene and having to justify myself tbh.

4 is my cut off and I worked hard at making it as gentle as possible for my girl, and will do the same for the younger one, Some peoples cut off is 6m, 12m, walking whatever.

I just wish people would agree to differ, any breastfeeding is good.

Jude - 'ridiculous hippy nonsense' is fairly hostile don't you think?

The basic fact is that it's biologically and historically normal for older toddlers and young children to breastfeed, and what evidence there is points to it being emotionally and physically beneficial for them to do so.

You don't want to do it for your child - fine. Nobody is saying you 'should'. But stop with all the 'it's not necessary' bollox as it is meaningless in the context of this particular argument.

"talking aout of their jacksy and spouting ridiculous hippy rubbish or banging on about WHO guidelines" sounded fairly aggressive, so I assumed you had some issues around this subject - but perhaps you talk like this all the time?

I think it is fine for people who still want to do it-but lots, like me, don't. I do think that when it is extended it isn't something that you need to do when out-a baby can't manage without, but a toddler has a huge range of alternatives.
I think it is keeping them a baby when they are long past that stage, but accept that this is my personal opinion.
Having breast milk 'on tap', doesn't make you a better mother-all you can say is that it suits some mothers and some DCs-hopefully they match up.
When they get to teenagers you can't tell physically or emotionally who was bf and for how long-there is a lot more to good parenting- and it really doesn't matter. Do what suits you.

I don't think she is being unreasonable. Kids at 3 and 4 don't need to be bf especially not during the day in a public place. Fair enough if she wants to do it at home or in a private room but the fact that she kicked up stink about using a private room at the kids birthday party suggests to me she loves the attention and (slight) shock value. Fair enough if the kids were babies and needed the milk but the older children are probably just using it as a sort of dummy.

"I think it is fine for people who still want to do it" That's great - we are all in agreement at last.

But why on earth was your last post filled with reasons why you thought it wasn't fine?

I am against brides laying down the law, but I don't think I would want an older DC breast feeding at my wedding-not if I had properly catered for children. I think that the DC should be told that it is someone else's day and that they can wait until they get home. I went to a wedding on Saturday-there were several DCs who were beautifully behaved. The youngest was 2yrs and sat down at the table with everyone else for a meal. She was still dancing at 10pm. She didn't need breast milk!

I don't really think it is fine but luckily we don't all live according to one person's rules-life would be very boring!

You think it's fine but you don't really. Great. Been a pleasure having this enlightening discussion with you.

It wouldn't have suited me as a DC, Zephirine and my DCs gave up by themselves. My gut feeling is that it is treating your DC like a baby for far too long-I can't help it-it is my general instinct.
However if you are the earthmother type-your instinct would be to bf feed toddlers so I don't have a problem with that, except that I don't think you should do it at someone's wedding when the DC is old enough to wait until they get home.
I dislike the unspoken assumption that letting your DC give up at whatever age they like is better for them or better parenting. It is neither here nor there a few years down the line.
Therefore I accept with my head that it is fine but not with my heart. I don't know why I get involved in these discussions-will stop!

Piscesmoon you say your dc's gave up on their own. In this case you are a natural term breastfeeder too. This is all it means - letting your children give it up when they want to, so you have treated your children absolutely no differently from someone who lets their child feed until 3 or 4.

I am bewildered as to where you are getting "the unspoken assumption that letting your DC give up at whatever age they like is better for them or better parenting". As far as I can see those who have been making assumptions about what constitutes good and bad parenting on here (including yourself) are the ones saying that children shouldn't be allowed to continue to breastfeed for as long as they want to. Unless I missed something further down the thread, nobody has criticised any mother for weaning their child at 6 months, 9 months or whenever.

I just think that people are trying to score points if they are bf a child(as opposed to a baby) when out when the child could wait. You can take a drink and some fruit to a wedding and not distract from the ceremony-or even talk to the DC about what is happening. (I don't think that DCs need snacks at all, but that is another story). Anyway-I am off out and will keep quiet on the subject.

I don't understand why it would have anything to do with "scoring points", but breastfeeding during a formal ceremony is a different issue altogether to the question of breastfeeding 3/4 year olds generally.

There does seem to be an undercurrent of smugness amongst extended bfers.
It's like "look at us! Although it was inconvenient and tedious, we COULD be a*sed to CONTINUE to give our children the VERY best nutrition until THEY decided they'd had enough!"
Unlike those selfish women who felt that 9 months of pregnancy + a further 6 months of bfing was fully adequate and who decided they wanted their body back.
Someone rightly said in the great scheme of things there is no difference in the health of an adult who was fed for 12 months and one who was fed for so long they can remember mamma's boob in their mouth.
Also, to the person who said kids are destraught at being forced off the boob, my daughter (aged 2.5) was hysterical at giving up her dummies for a day or so but is fine now.
Perhaps i should have left it up to her to self wean off the horrible plastic thing. Maybe i should just keep buying her them and she can take one to school with her if she still feels she needs one! FFS who's in charge here?

As someone who is desperate to be able to breastfeed her DD, I'd happily bfeed till the age of 21 if it meant I could do it!

It really is so so sad that anyone could hold views on bfeeding that have been expressed here. Sickening

Where are you finding this "undercurrent of smugness"? I haven't read a single post suggesting that anyone who feeds to 6 months has not done it for long enough. I have on the other hand read plenty of posts (albeit mostly from you and pisces) suggesting that 3 years is too long.

Personally I think there are pros and cons both to stopping breastfeeding relatively early and in continuing until whatever age they are ready to stop. But it's a personal choice. There is nothing wrong, weird, selfish, self-indulgent or any other insult you care to throw in about doing either.

oh come on! By the very fact hardly anyone bf's beyond 18 months/2 would strongly suggest that it is just a little bit weird.
We all want the very best for our children but very few of us are prepared to breast feed elderly toddlers..i love that term! It's hilarious but so true!
right, i'm bailing out of this thread.
I stumbled into it out of pure curiosity and discovered it's actually turning into an Extended Breast Feedind Support Commitee.
I'm outa here pronto!

"elderly toddlers...so true"? Jesus.

Once again, I have to wonder why you are getting so het up about this. If I'm really honest, I find the sight of a 2 year old with a dummy in its mouth pretty weird, but I know that is my problem and would never suggest to a parent who let their toddler keep a dummy to this age that there was anything remiss with their parenting. I don't understand why you find it so hard to offer the same courtesy to others.