My blood is boiling at this thread

[chaosisawayoflife]

Warning: contains link to a website full of selfish bridezillas worrying about how a woman breastfeeding at their wedding will ruin the day for them.
here

Depends if she's going to be squirting on the table settings.

I really doubt she will do that!!

'Posieparker

If I were totally honest I think bf a child is about the mother's need to be needed, it's self indulgent and holding on to baby years.
'

please tello me why it would be beytter to feed my child nutritiopnally inferior repalcement milk formula (him being intolerant of all dairy and rice /soya not suitable until 3) at a cost of many £'s we can ill afford and sadness for me and ds4.

Ds4 clearly likes to BF, I like it, if that were all the benefit (and its not, seems to me in these days of fdlu immunity is ever more important)msurey thats enough?

Sarah - you do sound like a very reasonable, kind and thoughtful person. I hope you have a wonderful day.

So sarah,what exactly are you going to say to your relative? Will it be something like: "Can you not breastfeed your child openly at my wedding because frankly I find it disgusting and embarrassing?"

It's lovely that the hotel has provided a feeding room for mums. It'll be nice for those people who wish to feed in private.

"but that it makes the vast majority of people uncomfortable is not something that can be ignored or equated to racism etc."

Why can't it be equated, if it's a) irrational b) born of unfamiliarity and ignorance and c) if the expression of this prejudice infringes on the right of a mother and a child to go about their business in a way which harms nobody?

Sarah - your feelings of disgust about natural term breastfeeding are understandable, but that doesn't make them excusable.

Sorry but when you're seriously equating discomfort at extended BF with race hate then I think the argument is over.

Honestly - what absolute nonsense.

Racism has resulted in violence, death, hatred and misery for generations and continues to blight lives even in countries with race equality laws.

Equating this to some people being uptight about seeing mother nature in action and tutting about it is exactly the kind of extremism that makes a laughing stock out of well meaning people who have lost all sense of proportion on this issue.

I'm not equating the feelings of hurt or the damage caused.

I'm equating the irrationality of the act of discrimination.

In any case, as long as signficant numbers of babies and children in the UK continue to be hospitalised from a lack of breastmilk - part of which lack can be put at the door of spiteful and ignorant public attitudes towards breastfeeding - then I'll continue to feel angry about the open expression of this sort of prejudice.

Sabire - In your rush to be offended you seem to have entirely misinterprated Sarah's points.

No i wont be saying that to her!! You obviously not read what i have said properly. I don't want her breastfeeding during the actual wedding ceremony, not really bothered during the reception as everyone will be doing their own thing anyway. Just dont want the image of an older child perched on her knee feeding. I don't believe in asking her to either wait until after the ceremony or go in to a private room is a problem. The ceremony will only be about 45mins. A 4year old should be able to wait that long.

Oh, you so won't notice what anyone else is doing in the ceremony!

I most prob wont even notice but will notice it when watching it on my video years and years to come. Do you really feel that im being unfair on her?

"I don't want her breastfeeding during the actual wedding ceremony"

Well - unless she's sitting in front of you while you're saying your vows you're not going to see anything are you?

Frankly when I got married I wasn't conscious of what anyone else was doing in the room. I was too busy concentrating on my partner.

Or do you think you might be a bit phobic about her breastfeeding, so that the thought of it, rather than the actuality is a problem for you?

Im not phobic at all. I breast fed my boy will 9months, really wish i could of gone longer but due to medical reasons had to give up. I applaud anyone who keeps at it. But i also need to think of other guests to. I would be upset if i watched my video back and notice someone eating or having a drink.

I don't get why you would be upset watching your wedding video in years to come.
Jezzo, you are getting married. Most of the population do this at some point. It is no big deal. Your MARRIAGE is a big deal, but all this fuss about the bloody ceremony and party is beyond me. I mean this in general, not just in this instance.

Btw, me and dh stick the wedding video on form time to time for a bit of a giggle, but fgs, it is not important.

'I would be upset if i watched my video back and notice someone eating or having a drink'

you are taking yourself way too seriously.

Sarah rise above it, your not going to change there minds, don't let it get you down i think you have come up with a very kind solution . I hope you have a lovely day and really i can promise you from experience none of this will matter on the day.

The name calling is really horrible, everyone is entitled to their own opinions and anybody who thinks this woman should give up her idea of having a relaxing stress free wedding just to take a stance on bf need a reality cheque, great aunt maude isn't going to change her mind on extended bf just because she sees it at a wedding. Opinions should be different but they aren't.

If she breastfeeds her child at the service it'll be to stop him or her disrupting the ceremony, to comfort them and to keep them still. It won't be because the child is thirsty.

Seriously - a lot of the breastfeeding that babies and children of all ages do is 'non-nutritive', in the sense that it's not primarily about calories. Breastfeeding is part of the normal behaviour of babies and young children - it's part of how they interact with their mothers. It's sad that our understanding of breastfeeding in the UK is so distorted that we keep trying to reduce it to a food issue, and get caught up with these pointless arguements about whether it's 'necessary' for a young child to breastfeed or not.

reality check, but reality cheque would be nice.

Err.... wolf, nobody is arguing for bf to be made an 'issue' of. In fact they're arguing the complete opposite - for this aunt to be left alone to enjoy the wedding without being mortified by anyone intimating that her breastfeeding her child is a problem.

And great aunt maude doesn't have to change her mind about extended breastfeeding. She just has to keep her opinions to herself and let other people get on with raising their children in the way they see fit.

has been done to death

I think Sarah's attidude is quite reasonable here,however as I read the thread I did think that as an extended BFer I wouldn't have nursed mine at that age in that situation - as they got older we increasingly kept it for home and family/close friends.But of course that means that all the people who might have had a chance to see my DCs nursing and see how nice and normal they were in spite of this never had the chance...Hmmm.
I was hoping Posy would describe the type that goes in for this so I could see if I fitted...

Have a lovely wedding,Sarah!

Wouldn't it be great if the BF mother could read how many people are debating what she should do on this wedding day? When its really up to what her child wants on the day?

3 and 4 year olds really are still very young and I hope we can become much more accustomed to BFing in public in this country.

Im sorry but anyone who feeds a child at age 4 has serious letting go problems. They have a hard enough time at school anyway, why the hell give them something fantastic to get bullied about. Its just weird, and if I saw it Id feel sick.