My blood is boiling at this thread

[chaosisawayoflife]

Warning: contains link to a website full of selfish bridezillas worrying about how a woman breastfeeding at their wedding will ruin the day for them.
here

Are you actually going to ask her not to breastfeed during the ceremony?

How will you word it? Don't you think it will hurt her feelings?

The thing that gets me about this situation is that I just can't imagine how you go about telling someone you love that in fact they embarrass you and that you can only bear to have them at the wedding if they behave according to your rules.

To get away from the racism comparison (although I think it is valid for sabire's point) I've been thinking of behaviour that is inarguably disgusting and generally considered offensive in public. Say you had a dear friend who tended to break wind in a loud and odorous manner in public (no comparison being made here between farting and breastfeeding, just wondering how you would deal with a situation that genuinely was offensive).

So anyway, would you be able to go to this friend and ask them to please not fart during the ceremony? Don't you think it would hurt their feelings? Wouldn't you rather people just had to turn up their nose privately than that your friend knew they embarrassed you?

Maybe I just have a higher than normal percentage of socially unacceptable people in my life, but I can't imagine doing anything but just letting them all do their thing and hoping the rest could see how great they were.

Hamstermummy, I really don't care what your views on natural term breastfeeding are. But maybe you could think about your use of language. Saying that it would make you feel sick is an incredibly offensive and hurtful thing to say, especially as you may have noticed quite a few natural term breastfeeders posting on this thread.

My DS is only 20 months, but I may well still be feeding him at 3 or 4 years old. Thank goodness he won't realise that people think his favourite thing to do in the world is weird and nauseating.
And thank goodness I can just dismiss the opinions of someone so ill-informed and bigoted.

I will word it as well as i can. Most prob put a small note in the invites stating

There will be a small comfortable room for mothers bringing their children to feed or comfort their child. Or for anyone needing a breather from the events. This is to allow all to enjoy the ceremony limiting disruption. We will be grateful of all those using the room. Thank you xx

I obviously need to think it through

well if you dont care about my views, why post about me? Im glad its his 'favoutite' thing in the world, but dont you think thats a little odd for a 4 year old boy? His 'favourite' thing should be something random, like dressing as Sparticus or saugages dunked in mayo. Maybe you enjoy it, and maybe so does he, but he doesn't need it, and Id guess it will alienate him from 99.9% of his friends. Imagine if anyone found out, kids can be cruel. I was breast fed, but if I found out now that mum carried on doing it past baby-hood Id have been freaked out.
Im not ill-informed or bigoted (though if it makes you feel better thinking this then great), its my opinion, and we are all entitled to that.

I'd scratch the bit about grateful tbh, it's OK up to then but after that it sounds like pleaaaaaase keep yopur noisy brats in the room.

A simple statement, and if there are any other facillities (eg a friend had rooms set asdide for people staying overnight, maps or anything else) pop it there so it doesn't seem if you are targeting IYSWIM. You might even just do a list of info- hotels close by are XYZ, the postcode of the venue for satnavs is Q, facillities are available at the hotel for babies to be fed and settled in comfort.

FWIW the OP you made on that thread didnt seem half as bad as what followed it, that was what I found a bit sad. I did state that further down this thread but TBH I expect it got lost!

Hopew you ahve a good day, I adored my wedding day although the ten years of marriage since have been even more precious. I wish you the same luck, and I have this feeling you may stroll by MN again.

'its my opinion, and we are all entitled to that.
'

We are iindeed, whether we are entitled to make other people feel uncomfortable with it though is another matter entirely. I think that is the absolute key point when all is said and done. If you can feel you don't alienate thopse of us who do extend Bf then there's no issue is there?

Thank you peachy and thank you for the advice will defo take that into consideration. That was what I was after in the 1st place, some advice on not hurting ANYONES feelings

Actually, I was just letting you know that it is not very pleasant to tell other people that their normal, natural behaviour is weird and nauseating. You are entitled to your opinion ( although it is clearly not based on any actual facts) but you could think about a less offensive way of expressing it.

Back to the OP and the horrible thread.

At least there were a few posters trying to calm down the whole 'its disgusting' comments.

I think the Bridzilla is being a bit daft. Why would her SIL need to feed her two kids during the wedding anyway? Surely at this age its more of a comfort than a necessity so its not like going out with a fully b/f littly is it? Would SIL be feeding them that often or at all during that short period?

Extended bf is not for me. I dont think its disgusting though. I will be honest and say I dont understand bf a child over about 3 but that is personal. But I wouldnt seek to impose those views on anyone even if it was my wedding.

In real life, yes, but this is the internet. If people are that sensitive and likely to be offended, why get involved in a chat/debate regarding a sensitive subject? Id never offend anyone face-to-face who have no choice but to listen, but Im afraid the internet is a different scenario all together.

what do you expect, she is a bridezilla. haven't read the whole post in the link, but read enough in the first sentence or two.

what a lot of twaddle. sorry.

And faintly, there are no facts involved, most people will share my opinion Im afraid, though being on MN does somewhat give a slightly biased outcome. Post this thread on a general forum and Id bet my home on most people agreeing with me. Remember that documentary about the woman feeding her 8 year old? Literally had my father retching, so where do you draw the line?

I am not a BRIDEZILLA!! What so bad about wanting a perfect day and for everyone around me to be comfortable whatever their views are. Some people are disgusted with EBF and I was merely asking for advice on a compromise!!

hamstermummy are you drunk? why are you being so offensive and unpleasant?

so you think we are all imaginary people and this isn't real life eh. fervently hope i never meet you in person.

That's fine then, but you see from a PC many miles away we cannot tell that, you could well have been a person who was staring at someone and muttering at some point, we just have no way of knowing do we?

Debate is fine,and in fact wonderful, it's when we get these end of statements such as people posted below. that is not fine, it is not for us to make judgements of others if theya re not ahrming their baby,and whilst it may seem un8sual I can tell you my almost 10 year old (not BF for long sadly, too ill) cannot remember much of being 4 at all, and neither can I. What seems to us to be a large child is in fact still very tiny.

People complain about 'militant BFeeders' and 'the anti BFers' when really, all we ahve to worry about is making the right decision for ourselves. As I posted further down, my decision is not easily amde becuase there are far too many reasons to BF that are not shared by many other children, I can feel confident that the baby phase is not a great concern as ds3 will always be with me and need me due to disability. My sould oncern is giving a child that is in many ways vulnerable the best start I can.

Hamstermummy,why on earth should his friends know? It's not exactly up there as a topic of nursery conversation,along with Power Rangers and cars,is it? And if both mother and child enjoy it what exactly is the problem? Sausages in Mayo aren't really a substitute for love,and closeness and comfort,and BFing can provide all those things - it is part of parenting in that case,and not about food.
And I know 'I would say that,wouldn't I..' but the people I know who BF'd beyond babyhood didn't have serious letting go problems - they had something that they both enjoyed,and which they found worked as part of their parenting style.DCs perfectly normal and as independant,or not,as the next child(according to personality.)
And an awful lot of things seem weird if you aren't used to them..

Im not, just stating my views. I totally do not understand this EBF thing for one minute. Why the hell do it? Why would you want to make your kids different? Why wouldn't you want your own body back? Why would you want to be treated like a freak? Its odd, weighing all the pros and cons, it doesnt make sense. Where do you draw the line? If it was so 'natural' why did little britain make a whole sketch about it? Im not saying you are all imaginary, Im saying if you are easily offended dont read an internet forum!

Nobody I know bf past 6 months, but that doesn't mean they care what I do. Why should they? Where, at the end of it, is the harm? There's far worse in the world to get het up about tbh.

Sorry Sarah, that wasn't aimed at you at all.
FWIW, I think your plan for the wedding sounds fine. The last wedding I went to with DS (18 months at the time), I went out to feed him during the speeches. Partly because I was wearing a strapless dress and would have had to expose a lot more flesh than I'm comfortable with and partly to avoid the interminable speeches!

sarah i think you have come out of this very well - you are trying to make sure everyone is comfortable even if that means pandering a little to prejudice. it is a prejudice which seems startlingly prevalent and acceptable.

hope you don't feel too got at. i am trying not to myself.

at little britain being arbiter of normal behaviour

Thank You two people who seem to get my point!!!

Pogleswood, thanks for giving a great response. What Id say, is if its so normal, why would they not talk about it? Would you tell them not to tell anyone? What if they got upset at school/nursery and cried for it? Love and closeness can be given in bucketloads by cuddles and kisses. Just the whole 'friends wont know' and connecting it with love just seems too strange to me. My kids were bottlefed (not through choice), but they still have all the love in the world.

hamster have a look at the kellymom site, there are some very real benefits regarding immunity etc after one, I would suggest that at the moment that's a real positive: better than tamiflu anyway.

I ahve posted several times but this is why I do, you may assume I also do it as I and ds4 like it- that's very true.

1. DS4 is intolerant (severely) of all milk. The formula he would need is hard to get from a GP and would need a dietetics referral, which would take 6 montsh minimum. As my Dh was made redundant recently I cannot at the moment afford formula (I am a carer).

1. I have 2 children with autism and one with probable dyspraxia, we know that ds4 probably carries the gene (up to an 80% chance) but nobody anywhere knows for sure what triggers it. It is essentia, both for my sanity and my ability to cope if ds4 does develop ASD, that I feel I ahve followed all care advice to the letter. That includes WHO advice on BF< which is 2 years. I am (though a few eyars ago now) Unicef BFI trained and have confidence in the reasons behind that advice and that actually it's not just intended fro 3rd world countries as some people think.

Really, if you can't have empathy with those reasons then I am wasting my breath TBH.

Aaargh keep cross-posting with everyone!

"If it was so 'natural' why did little britain make a whole sketch about it?"

That is possibly the funniest argument against natural term breastfeeding I have ever heard. Brilliant!