to lie knowingly and deliberately to get my own way?

[HorsechestnutBlossom]

I had booked in a homebirth for months only to be told on the day there isn't a midwife available so you'll have to come in!

As an experienced homebirther (3 previously!) I was not going to be fobbed off so I told them the contractions were coming every minute! (lies lies lies)

I told them I could not come in and see you soon!

Heard them muttering to each other on the phone in the background she's too far gone we need to get a midwife to her she refuses to come in, then I did some extra yelp-in-labour for good measure and hung up.

A midwife rang me 2 minutes later saying I'm on my way.

And so I got the homebirth I wanted.

discussions of the day is hardly ever an AIBU post, i think.

But, yes, it should be popping up in the active threads list.

it is, have just checked!

I have worked in maternity care and these are the facts as I understand them:

There is no legal right to a home birth, though Govt policy is that women's choice should be honoured as far as possible.

OP having a home birth does NOT save the NHS money - it costs more, because the staffing costs are higher (two midwives pulled out of labour ward for several hours, as opposed to two midwives looking after 4-6 women in labour ward). You need to reach a critical mass of women having home births before it starts saving money (because you can actually close beds in the hospital) - I think it's around 15% (NCT did some research on this once).

Midwives who attend home birth are usually not from a separate pool than those who attend hospital births.

There is a national shortage of midwives. In many areas, even if the hospital is trying to employ more it can't.

Please note that I didn't criticise the OP. I would support any woman wanting a home birth, and I think NHS policy and practice should support more home births. But it IS often difficult for local maternity services to manage - some posters may prefer to pretend this is about penny-pinching woman-haters, but it is honestly a genuine problem.

YANBU, I would do the same.

And, why the hell shouldn't she post in AIBU?? This is where you get the best debates/opinions? God, people post allsorts in AIBU. Not smug at all!

"Who has ever heard of a labouring woman turned away from hospital because of lack of midwives and told to have her baby at home?"

I know someone who had her baby at home recently because she phoned the hospital and they said they were too busy! Her DP delivered the baby.

"do people really not have a MW with them while they're pushing??"

I think that's more common than you realise. It happened to a friend of mine a few years ago. Really traumatic.

When i went to hospital to have ds2 they were busy on labour ward and said i might have to go elsewhere.
I said i hoped elsewhere would be close, as I would be starting to push shortly .
Nice experienced mw -who remembered delivering ds1 - took one look at me and popped me into a random bed (not a "proper" bed for delivery of babies!) and stayed late to deliver ds2.
Although not very late. I was right about ds2's imminent arrival.

That is frequently how NHS staff work (i am a doctor); when we are understaffed due to sickness or unusually high demand people stay late, work harder...what else can you do? you might want more than 4 hours sleep before your next 16 hour shift, but if there isn't anyone else around to do the necessary, you will stay. Presumably someone worked longer hours because the service was busy that day - that isn't the OP's fault, it is just the way it is. In our area
community and hospital mw teams cross cover, too.
It is accepted that there are not enough midwives. How to get more seems to be more difficult...

That's awful yorkyporky That was when I really needed someone who'd seen it all before last time.

I can't understand why anyone would say the poster does not have a right to a home birth. Firstly you cannot be compelled to go into hospital (unless you are sectioned) and would have a claim for assault if anyone tried to make you. Secondly a midwife does have a legal obligation to attend a mother in childbirth - don't these two add up to a right? When I had DS2 at home 15 years ago the policy was 1 midwife for ordinary birth, 2 midwives for water birth. If you booked an independent midwife there was only one anyway. As it is (all other things being equal) safer and generally better to give birth at home the OP was certainly not being unreasonable. In these circumstances I would have simply refused to go to hospital and spoken to the head of midwifery and made a simple request that a midwife be sent out -this could not have been refused. With pressure on resources the home births will be the first thing to go if they think they can use tactics like this to eradicate the demand. Good for you HorsechestnutBlossom

www.aims.org.uk

[www.homebirth.org.uk

have a read, especially of AIMS about the issues regarding the right to a homebirth

saying it is not a right, is essentially compelling and forcing women to have to go to hospital when they don;t want to

in some areas, MWs are in the communiyt, not being pulled off labour ward

if the hospital has several months notice of a woman wanting a homebirth, then surely they can arrange bank staff for a few weeks cover in case MWs are being pulled off the wards or there aren't enough in the communty

i don't thikn it is right or moral to expect women to put their own needs aside and not have a homebirth because the NHS has screwed up

Hmm, I wouldn't have lied, I would just have refused to go in.
Planned homebirths (and I never had one, though did all first stages at home) are much more cost-effective for hospital trusts.
Congratulations on the little one!

Higgle and Lulu are absolutely right.

Hester, actually, think you are right - homebirths are more cost-effective if enough women have babies at home (eg. as in Netherlands, parts of Scandinavia, etc). Hence the ridiculous vicious circle - not enough cultural push for enough to be confident in homebirths, therefore staffing logistics follow suit. Also, I wonder how many potential midwives are put off from joining/rejoining the ranks because they don't merely want to be obstetricians handmaidens? Hence, worsening the staffing/choice problem.

The community midwife who attended both my homebirths told me that Frimley Park Hospital set aside £700 of funding for every home birth (for same two midwives for however long) and £2000 for every hospital birth (sporadic midwife attendance, and liable to go off shift). The extra £1300+ was to cover lawsuits.

I think you are BU to have lied to bump yourself up the priority list, regardless of what your 'rights' are. If they got someone in on a day off, or a MW had to leave the hospital and other women (who may not have been as lucky as you in having 3 births already as you wanted them) then someone somewhere had their 'rights' diminished because you lied.

You are NBU for wanting a home birth.

I agree with the poster who compared you to a 5 yr old. Some of your posts on here smugly defend why you reckon you're in the right - saying you 'timed it right' and you know your body etc, but they told you there were no resources and you lied to force them into giving you what you wanted!

Honie, if there were 'no' resources, they would have sent a paramedic. Which they didn't. And, frankly, that should never have to happen where the woman has given months of notice for a homebirth. This is bad planning, compounded by all those things Hester said about lack of midwives nationally etc.
I wouldn't have lied, but I absolutely would have stood my ground.

Yes I lied and I would do it again as it was their bad planning not mine. I defy anyone who is already in labour not to act on such an instinct.

I was not in a position to be rational faced with unfathomable trauma.

For you to think it is ok to have your precious baby in an understaffed ward is one thing, I would NEVER EVER subject my baby or myself to that unless there was a MEDICAL reason.

As I said before I would rather have a paramedic or 2 turn up at my house than a bug filled stressed out understaffed factory farm of a maternity ward.

Feeling smug? Yes definitely and proud with it.

For those who would prefer to blame a labouring woman for the predicament I faced rather than the system that caused it shame on you!

BTW I did not ring that dial a midwife helpline intending on deception! I rang it because I needed a midwife!

How did the OP know they would send a midwife not a parmedic when she lied after being told there were no resources? She was told no resources, as she states in the OP.

If you lie to get your own way above and beyond other people around you then you are BVU. And not for medical reasons either, she wasn't in danger, she was put out she couldn't have what she wanted. Hardly a good reason to put oneself above others who may have been in a medical need greater than hers.

I intended waterbirths with both mine, didn't get it, didn't have palpitations, got on with the business of having a baby.

For all the reason you chuck at it, you behaved like a spoilt child and stamped your feet, lied through your teeth to get what you wanted at a cost to others around you. You post it on this board then get defencesive and on your soap box when people give you the opinion you have so smugly sought.

Being in labour is no excuse for lying to get your own way!! Of course you were not to blame for the situation, cant see a single post that says you were!!

No I wanted the contentiousness of it all otherwise I wouldn't have posted!

Especiallly in an AIBU!

I acted on the spur of the moment and can't believe I YOOOOWed down the phone actually.

But then I was highly charged, highly hormonal, highly traumatised and in labour.

Behaved like a spoilt child stamping feet? Gosh yes obviously! I expect plenty of labouring women behaved worse!

Still, if there is no solidarity amongst UK womankind to demand a good maternity service then it sure aint gonna appen

Hey OP I don't blame you, it's nice to get your own way. Shame that you had to go to such lengths...morally I don't think you should have, in reality my four births cost much much more than yours...I had four sections!

Are you and the baby happy and healthy? Then that's all that matters!![happy]

Yes my big bouncing baby boy was fine after the oxygen and shoulder distocia.I was so exhausted physically and emotionally (especially after the trauma of being told I'd have to go to hospital).

Anyway, thank god for my beautiful mw and dh who worked in tandem and I was so so happy when the mw arrived I was giggling uncontrollably. Excess of endorphins no doubt!

I was up and went for a family walk that afternoon with all my friends who'd come to see my new baby!

I know it doesn't suit everyone or not appropriate but I would definitely recommend a homebirth (if at all possible!)