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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

If I tell my husband I'm not going on holiday next week he should believe me?

56 replies

flossie64 · 13/07/2009 17:36

We are booked to go to Euro disney next week, but I cannot go . I am on the edge of falling to pieces and cannot face doing that happy smiley family thing . Everything is piling up and I will fall off the edge if I go.
I told him to still go and take my daughter with him ,as I would be better on my own.
I really feel thats what would be best, but I know when he phones tonight he will try and placate me. Giving in and gong is dafinsately not on the cards.

OP posts:

Mistymoo · 13/07/2009 17:39

Why can't you go? Can you tell us why?

Would a holiday not help to take your minds off things?

allaboutme · 13/07/2009 17:40

why cant you go? are you ill? could you see a GP now and perhaps be feeling better by next week?
I shouldnt think your DH will go without you and leave you in this kind of bad way, so best to have a good chat, work out how you are going to start dealing with getting better and then try and maybe postpone the holiday so DD doesnt miss out?

Lulumama · 13/07/2009 17:42

are you having a breakdown?

LaurieFairyCake · 13/07/2009 17:42

And what will happen if he and your dd goes? Are you feeling suicidal?

Original poster

flossie64 · 13/07/2009 17:42

I feel terrible ,but I can't face spending any time away with my daughter, it just gets me down. I am with her all the time ( apart from school ) .
I just really want to be on my own, it makes me feel like running away the thought of it all.

OP posts:

giveloveachance · 13/07/2009 17:42

You do sound very down.

how old is your daughter? will she be happy to go without you?

Do you have anyone to talk to? Does your dh understand just how low you are feeling?

If you really cant face it I dont think you should be at home alone, as you may just feel even more fed up - and missing your daughter. Is there anyone who you can stay with and perhaps have a break of your own?

giveloveachance · 13/07/2009 17:45

what is it about time with your daughter that you can't face? Do you generally have a good relationship with her?

Original poster

flossie64 · 13/07/2009 17:49

I don't want to kill myself ,but probably would if I went.
My daughter is 6.5 and wouldn't notice if I wasn't there as when dad is around I don't exist (I'm not jealous) , its because he's away 5 days a week working .
I have no parents and other family are 200 miles away.
I'm not close to them so don't talk about anything with them.

OP posts:

Original poster

flossie64 · 13/07/2009 17:53

Giveloveachance- I am just not able to cope with anyone at the moment ,never mind sorting her out.
I am left to do everthing . i know its not his fault but ,this time I can't do it ,so I'm not going to.
I sound like a petulant child when it's down in print , but i'm just overwelhmed by it all.

OP posts:

giveloveachance · 13/07/2009 17:57

sounds like you do need to talk to someone. of course your daughter would notice that you are not there.

sounds like you are very very lonely and feeling isolated. Does your husband understand how you feel? Why does he need to placate you?

Can you talk to him about this.

giveloveachance · 13/07/2009 18:00

I can understand how you feel its all on your shoulders 5 days a week - to do the hard stuff, school, homework, bed and Dad gets the playtime at the weekend.

you need some you time - definitely - but not on your own - why not go to Euro - let them do all the walking and queuing and rides and so on and you spend the time at the local spa having relaxing treatments - let someone look after you for a change. Then in the evenings you can meet up for dinner and hear about the day.

Devongirl · 13/07/2009 18:00

Hate to play devil's advocate flossie but if you don't see much of your husband maybe you need a holiday together?

Is DH aware of how you're feeling?

What about going but having some days out in Paris on your own rather than going to the park? (my idea of hell anyway and I'm not feeling blue). If you make him totally aware of how you're feeling will he take over and do all the work getting organised to get there to give you a real break?

You could go to the museums and art galleries etc to have a total break from home without your DD but see them in the evenings?

Just a thought xxxx

Original poster

flossie64 · 13/07/2009 18:01

Maybe placate is the wrong word, I'm not sure.
He will try and talk me into it, but i don't want to go and spoil it,as i know thats what would happen.
I honestly cannot even bear the thought of going away.

OP posts:

Devongirl · 13/07/2009 18:01

Ooh Givelove, same sort of idea x

Devongirl · 13/07/2009 18:02

What will you do with the house to yourself for the week? You sound very isolated there anyway, it might just make it even worse?

giveloveachance · 13/07/2009 18:09

yes devongirl we were on the same track!

You wont spoil it flossie - think of what you could do there for you, safe in the knowledge that your DH is looking after DD. I really really dont think you should stay home on your own. It will seem like such a long week on your own.

If you really cant face it, invite someone to stay with you.

Your husband clearly wants you to go to - that's a good thing surely. And maybe he is worried aobut you, and maybe he misses you too.

You will have a rotten time if you feel you have to drag around after them and pretend to be excited and enjoying yourself, but if you treat it as a holiday for you too - like devon girl said, days in paris - shopping, eating, galleries etc you could have a relaxing time and get to spend time with your husband - and get him to do the bed time routine while you put your feet up.

Lulumama · 13/07/2009 18:12

you sound utterly depressed and miserable and you need to communicate this to your husband

saintmaybe · 13/07/2009 18:13

I think if you feel you need a break and some time alone that's completely fair enough and you need to make it clear.

tell him in a positive way, and think of it like that yourself too

so rather than 'I can't go' think 'I need some time alone to clear my head and think about how I can make this better and more sustainable for all of us. I need to spend time away from other people and especially from childcare to do that.'

Plan some nice things for yourself, don't be stuck in the house. Go for a walk somewhere beautiful, go and see a movie, go swimming, have a massage. Think about what you want; be specific, and ways to move towards it.

Take control, be happy.

Original poster

flossie64 · 13/07/2009 18:19

the only thing I would like is a room with a bed and a lock on the door so I can keep everyone out.
I 'm sure he will say we will manage, and they will . Me on the otherhand would not.
I'm not putting myself through it ,perhaps thats selfish ,but so what , I always put them first . I need to stay here for me.

OP posts:

giveloveachance · 13/07/2009 18:21

got to go now to finish making dinner - deep joy!

but, will check back in Flossie64 - try to have a long talk with him and like saint says explain how you feel - just dont be in the house on your own, it will just make you feel even more depressed.

Nighbynight · 13/07/2009 18:21

Can you go with them, and stay resting in the hotel while they go out?

I understand how you feel a bit - I am sick of everything and need a holiday, but the thought of going on one just makes me want to scream.

Metatron · 13/07/2009 18:26

Flossie - stick to your guns. If you need alone time you need it.

Original poster

flossie64 · 13/07/2009 18:28

Lulu- I have told him and he either does'nt or won't believe me.
I think we have lost our connection with each other , as he's been away too long. I love him dearly ,but we live different lives now and he can't understand that.
He gets everything done for him when he's away and when he comes back ,he doesn't seem to realise thats not real life.
Now I have my own way of runnig things ,where as bfore we did it all together.
We're having a massive thunderstorm here and I feel like thats what sums me up.

OP posts:

RenagadeMum · 13/07/2009 18:30

Hi Flossie, sorry to hear you are so low.

Have you thought about going but then just chilling by yourself during the day at the hotel? I can imagine they will have a pool around so perhaps a good book and a glass of vino whilst your DH and DD are attacking the rides may be just the thing.

You don't have to drag yourself around the theme park.

Original poster

flossie64 · 13/07/2009 18:35

The only way I will not have to do the park thing is if I stay here.
I won't drink when i'm like this cos I don't think the answer lies in the bottom of a bottle and thats where I think I would end up. My mother drank a lot,so I don't.

OP posts:

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