... to resent my Mother teaching my son manners?

[NewMumof1]

My son has just turned 2 and like any small toddler has a short attention span. When we visit my mother he gets bored and acts up sometimes. Last time he tossed one of her DVDs across the room and she got annoyed and said "Go and pick that up and give it to me please" really sternly. Although he did what he was told and my Mum didn't shout at him or anything, he seemed quite scared. She also insists that he says please and thank-you whenever he asks for anything or else he doesn't get what he wants. I've tried to tell my mother that he's only 2 and doesn't really understand but she insists on "good manners, at least when he's in my house". I know she loves both me and her grandson very much, but am I being unreasonable in being a bit hacked off by this?

Sorry for your loss.

I don't think there was any on line bitching, just reasonable replies. But what you have written is truly shocking. That would be a nasty thing to post if it wasn't true, so I'm sure it is and our greatest sympathies.

Deepest sympathies to Newmumof1.

flopsyrabbit
In Japan they constantly press down on toddlers heads to make them bow, so a please and thank you and reprimand for throwing things is an important cultural tradition.

Do they? I've lived in Japan for the past 14 years and have yet to see this "constantly pressing down on toddlers heads"... I'd be well upset if anyone tried to do that to either of my dcs - thankfully they haven't. Not sure about how it is an important cultural tradition either. Japanese kids are as equally badly well-behaved as any other race of kids I've met.

So sorry.

Sorry for your loss.

I'm so sorry

Yes I lived in Japan too and taught Japanese children for many years there.I don't believe you have never seen parents ensuring their toddlers bow by pressing their heads at the moment respect is deemed due. Japanese people have it so ingrained they will even bow while on the phone! May be you lived in an ex pat community?!

Not at all flopsyrabbit. My DH is Japanese! Neither he nor his family have ever pushed our dcs heads and his family are traditional to the extreme. I'm not saying that it doesn't happen, of course people bow here and kids have to learn, but I think "constantly pressing down" is a little extreme. I would still hold that most kids learn to bow from copying, rather than having their head forced by a hand!

yes yabu. children should have good manners reinforced constantly. there is no time/ occasion when this doesnt apply. i am sick of spending time with rude children. my community, such as it is, over middle-class kids who never get told no and their ridiculous parents are contributing to a failing society.

YANBU. Even though I agree with asking them to say please and thankyou if they can as it's never too young to start introducing manners. Even if they don't understand to begin with they learn by copying us. But I wouldn't insist on it and turn it into a fight of me saying say please and him saying no etc.

YABU

My nearly 2yo DS barely speaks, so I taught him to sign 'please' and 'thankyou'. He knows he has to do it if he wants something - and it works. So even not being able to 'say' the words isn't really an excuse IMO.