... to resent my Mother teaching my son manners?

[NewMumof1]

My son has just turned 2 and like any small toddler has a short attention span. When we visit my mother he gets bored and acts up sometimes. Last time he tossed one of her DVDs across the room and she got annoyed and said "Go and pick that up and give it to me please" really sternly. Although he did what he was told and my Mum didn't shout at him or anything, he seemed quite scared. She also insists that he says please and thank-you whenever he asks for anything or else he doesn't get what he wants. I've tried to tell my mother that he's only 2 and doesn't really understand but she insists on "good manners, at least when he's in my house". I know she loves both me and her grandson very much, but am I being unreasonable in being a bit hacked off by this?

YABU, He is not to young to be taught good manners.

Yep-YABU. DVD this time but it could be have been something a bit more delicate next time. It's never too early to teach 'please & thank you'. Also,it isn't a crime to speak sternly to a child. He did as he was told-result. Maybe it's YOU who should have learned a leson here?.

bronze I would if I could we lost her 6 years ago I'm afraid.

Oh to have the OP's irritations!

YABU - surely it is a good thing that your 2 year old is being asked to say please/thank you? If your mum is being too stern then maybe you should try and lead by example when you are there and demonstrate how you do it?

Does your mum always say please and thank you to him? to you?

Kids learn best by hearing and seeing the example of others.

My dd says thank you pretty reliably, i would rather she said it unprompted so I never withold something from her until she does. I just say, cup please mummy, or thank you mummy and she will repeat it.

i say please and thank you to her all the time and she has picked it up that way.

just dont like the idea of witholding stuff, seems so controlling and a bit horrible.

YABU - Sorry but they have to learn and if I am honest a I don't think they fear thing is wrong either. Children have to understand that there are boundaries and consequence.

Whatever age they are.

YABU. All my dc's have learnt to say please and thank you earlier than two. dd4 is 20 months and has been saying her manners for quite a while now.

For the examples you have given, YABU - for one thing if its YOUR mum's dvd and your mum's furniture he is potentially going to damage then she is perfectly within her rights to say something if you are not going to. I'm sure she would prefer it if you'd have said something in the first place so she didn't have to.

Regarding the please and thank you's - as soon as my DD could say yes and no at around 1 yr old, I would always repeat yes please or no thank you so that she got the idea that she should always add a please or thank you on the end. Then when she started to begin to be able to say please and thank you, I would prompt her whenever she said yes or no to add the please or thank you. At 22 months, she now says a perfectly understand yes please or no thank you mostly without any prompting. I'm sorry but I don't buy the fact that they are too young to be taught it. They are too young for us to expect them to say it without prompting all of the time, but they won't get there if you don't show them what you expect of them.

I have to admit that there are scenarios where my mum steps in and I wish she didn't as I feel that she was slightly too strict on us and I have made a conscious decision to be slightly less strict so I do understand that you may feel that your mum is stepping on your toes but for the examples you have given then I'm afraid YABU.

YABU!

yabu...and he clearly does understand, as he did what he was told.

Thank you for all your comments. I will take them on board. Sorry for not responding earlier (I was not, as some have suggested, "scared off" by all the negative feedback), but for the past 24 hours I have been at a hospital with my boyfriend who was involved in a serious motorcycle accident. Just switched off life support. Puts everything (manners, dvd chucking, mothers, online bitching) into perspective really .... no? Off to bed for 100 years' sleep.

fucking hell. hope you are ok,

how dreadful.

Thats a massively shocking thing to read on the end of an AIBU thread.

Blimey.

you just switched off your boyfriends life support and then came home to do a bit of mumsnetting?

that's what i thought.

I couldnt help myself and started a chat thread about this as I was so surprised - I know its bad form though...

thought the same thing but you know, shock and all that-it might be true shrugs we don't know,maybe she wants some support? Maybe she's practising 'saying it' out loud but on the interspazz?

Everyone likes good manners. I don't agree with you - sorry

Shit, just read the latest posts, sorry!

Newmumof1- So so sorry for your loss.
Hope that you are okay.