... to resent my Mother teaching my son manners?

[NewMumof1]

My son has just turned 2 and like any small toddler has a short attention span. When we visit my mother he gets bored and acts up sometimes. Last time he tossed one of her DVDs across the room and she got annoyed and said "Go and pick that up and give it to me please" really sternly. Although he did what he was told and my Mum didn't shout at him or anything, he seemed quite scared. She also insists that he says please and thank-you whenever he asks for anything or else he doesn't get what he wants. I've tried to tell my mother that he's only 2 and doesn't really understand but she insists on "good manners, at least when he's in my house". I know she loves both me and her grandson very much, but am I being unreasonable in being a bit hacked off by this?

YABU. If ever I get to be a grandmother I will expect my grandchildren to be well mannered in my house. If the parent won't tell them I certainly will. Parents are not doing their DCs any favours by letting them get away with things.

I would even go as far as to say I expect friends to say to my dc's if they are misbehaving and I havent noticed. I wouldnt be offended if a friend gave something to ds and she reminded him to say thank you.

I've tried to tell my mother that he's only 2 and doesn't really understand but she insists on "good manners, at least when he's in my house".

But he did understand. You said yourself that he did as he was told, so he must have picked up the DVD and given it back to her.
I think that your choice of name is revealing though, and if he'd been frightened, he'd have run to you and avoided his grandmother.
It's a learning curve for both of you.
My sister tried not to use the word 'no' to her firstborn as it was too brutal. Her parenting style had evolved by the time her third was talking and mobile.

Same here mosschops-I never understand why only the parent is allowed to say anything.

YRBU at two your son should be saying please & thank you & say sorry if he does some thing wrong , i think your mother is right & you should start to teach him to do the same at home but in a nice way ,

YABU

YABU wish my children would remember their manners ,it helps havin someone else to remind them
though it annoys me if they forget please/thankyou and my mum says 'do you not remind them to have manners' when i have nt even noticed

manners are GOOD ! 2 is the time to be teaching them

My dd is 20 months and can say please, thank you and sorry! Gloat emoticon

Anyway, as for your predicament, there is no harm in others teaching him manners, I would be more annoyed if my mil or mother didn't say anything if either dcs showed a lack of manners. For example, there has been a few occasions when ds had simply said "I want xyz" at the dinner table and grandma had been quicker to correct him.

I don't mind other people telling off my children as long as it's justified, also, they need to know that it's unacceptable to others and not just me.

YABU. PFB perhaps?

Another vote for the YABU.

Your child threw a DVD across the room and you are cross because he was reprimanded for this? So are you saying your mother shouldn't have corrected this behaviour? Sorry, but that is out of line. I have a two year old, and I would not accept her throwing a DVD. She would certainly get a stern 'Don't do that'.

Furthermore, my two year old is perfectly capable of saying please and thank you... when we leave people's houses she knows to say 'thank you for having me' and when she wants to leave the table after a meal she knows to say 'please may I get down'. Okay, so she can't pronounce all the words properly, and sometimes it is hard to understand - but it is manners - basic respect for other people. Children learn this by modelling other people's behaviour and so they should learn it from the start. Otherwise do you expect he will suddenly wake up one day having learnt it all by Osmosis?

Manners take you far in life, and cost nothing. I think your mother is entirely in the right I'm afraid.

YABU - her house her rules

YABU - I would expect a 2 year old to say please and thankyou.

Has the OP actually returned to the thread?

YABU

YABU It's really hard listening to another adult telling your child off (especially at first) but it is really GOOD and POSITIVE that they love your child enough to want to help parent them. See it as a positive thing and let them get involved. You may want to do things differently (I assume you would do SOMETHING if he threw something that he mustn't throw?) but this is one area where you probably need to bite your tongue.

Regardless of your preference for infant manners, the point is that your mother and your son are entitled to a relationship in their own right. You can't control every aspect and influence in his life, and nor should you want to.

YABU, I have a 2 year old (also a 5 and 7 year old) and they all have very good manners. My 2 year old says please, thank you, you're welcome etc etc as he's always been taught to be polite and the reasons why. He says it without prompting as he understands what it means.

also if i spoke soft to my ds and said go and pick that up he'd laugh as i have no tone saying what i really want him to do

if i say firmly go and do that off he'll go

it is hard to listen to someone else but to be honest it never bothered me as i knew it was right its just setting boundaries early if you dont you end up with an unruly 3 yr old who will not listen to a word you say [you get that anyway lol] but it is best to set rules and politeness from this age you will benefit in the long run and so will they

children thrive with rules and consequences its how they learn

YABU. My 2 yo says please and thank you and sorry, often without being prompted (thank you nursery ). Manners cost nothing and make everyone feel better.

YABU

After all, someone's got to teach him manners

I'm sorry but I think your mum is in the right, it is no good waiting till a child is 10 to teach them basic manners.

Oh well, the OP never came back, to justify herself.

I've lost track of the amount of times today that I have uttered the phrases "what do you say?" and "say please/thankyou" to my 2 year old! I always say please and thankyou to him and have asked (but not insisted) that he says them back for a while now.

On the whole he is very good but sometimes forgets which is where the reminders come in.

It is never too early to start teaching manners IMHO.

And I am so proud of him when he remembers all by himself

I think your Mum did exactly the right thing, neither of my two would have got away with throwing someone's DVD when they were two, I would have told them not.

My elderly neighbour tells my DD (who is old enough to know better but not great at the social side of things) that she is talking to me and to just wait for a moment when she tries to butt into our conversation. I find it quite helpful, it isn't done in a harsh way and reinforces what I have been trying to teach her.

I think you know at this stage YABveryU! My children have been taught to say please and thank you from when they started babbling! I think it's awful to witness a child with no manners.

In fairness, most parents are great at enforcing manners on children. But you'll always find a few that aren't (my aunt thought teaching manners was a load of sh*t).

I applaud your mother.