Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 ··· 13 14

Original poster

To think MIL being judgemental and over-bearing about DC's baptism.

340 replies

Rollergirl1 · 05/07/2009 22:55

DH and I are not religious. DH's parents are practising catholics and DH was heavily involved in the church until he was a teenager (was an alter boy). I was christened when young but haven't gone to church since i was little. We had a civil ceremony when we got married. DD is due to start school in Sep 2010 and I have started looking at local schools. The two best schools in our area by a mile are the two local catholic schools. So we are now getting DD (3) and DS (1) baptised. And we are getting them baptised at PIL's local church despite it being 200 miles away from where we live. The reason that we are doing this is because local churches expect you to go to church regularly before they will consider baptising. So this is purely down to laziness and convenience. MIL knows the exact reason we are doing this and knows that we are not religious. She is making a big deal of it, arranging marquee for after the ceremony and inviting all their side of the family, etc. And I am happy for her to do so because she is doing us a favour. One of the godparents (my best friend)is unable to make it as they have other plans for that date. I wouldn't dream of making her change them as she knows this is not a big thing for us and we are really only doing for reasons cited above. Also my Mum won't be able to make as she is having a knee replacement the week before and won't even be able to walk. And she is not religious and not catholic. And it is happening 200 miles away. But my MIL is now saying that if my best friend can't come than i should ask someone else to be the godparent and has firmly stated that she thinks my mum should be there. I'm now getting stressed as I really don't want to make a big deal of this as we are only doing for the reason of schools but then think am I being unreasonable as MIL doing us a favour by sorting this out for us?

OP posts:

posiedullardparker · 06/07/2009 08:56

My dcs go to a catholic school as when I had to move them out of their old school it was the only one with places. I must say that I am delighted and the fact that they are exposed to religion, which they would never get at home, as it gives them more choice later in life. As a child and adult who has never believed in God I am limited in my beliefs.... even in crisis.

sarah293 · 06/07/2009 09:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

ByThePowerOfGreyskull · 06/07/2009 09:14

"it makes a mockery of peoples religion and its disrespectful to everything they believe in."

I agree totally.

oodlesofpoodles · 06/07/2009 09:14

I'm not saying that Catholics should be able to decide what their tax is spent on. I am just refuting the idea that Catholics are scrounging an almost free education by only contributing 10%. Catholics (including childless ones) pay tax for education plus more on top to contribute towards the education of Catholics and non Catholics. If the schools were shit and empty then I imagine state funding would be removed but as they are popular and full then I don't think it is in the states best interest to close them down or remove the churches funding and involvement.

They discriminate when they are full, as do all schools. I don't see how discrimination on the basis of not being rich enough to buy a house in catchment is better. I don't know what the solution is but I'm quite sure that it isn't closing down church schools or making all schools church funded. The lottery system seems the fairest but is unpopular with nearly everyone.

Morloth · 06/07/2009 09:21

It is just so dishonest how can you stand on the alter of a church and deliberately lie - it is yuck.

fishie · 06/07/2009 09:30

but libra that is entirely different - if the parents believe then they are simply expecting their child to go along with that, as in any other aspect of family behaviour.

but if you don't believe in it at all then foisting it on the children is really not on.

fishie · 06/07/2009 09:32

haha morloth my original post just said 'yuck' too. it is isn't it.

fishie · 06/07/2009 09:32

haha morloth my original post just said 'yuck' too. it is isn't it.

Oblomov · 06/07/2009 09:33

Riven, "I don't think non-believers should be taking places of believers children."
That rarely happens. Not round here anyway. The selction criteria, has priest agreed places as top priority, so believers would get in over non.
Our priest signed ds1's form, even though we only attend occassionally.

McDreamy · 06/07/2009 09:36

Is the OP for real?

Oblomov · 06/07/2009 09:38

We are getting ds2 christened this sunday. I am not even catholic. dh's large family is. Ds1's catholic school is the best. their loving ethos, makes my heart melt. He keeps asking to go to church , so we go. I like going. maybe becasue i only do it occassionally.
I guess i better join op in my hypocroscy, becasue my main reason for getting both my boys baptised was the fab school.

Original poster

Rollergirl1 · 06/07/2009 09:39

I have already said that we will start attending the local church. I think exposing the little ones to the church can only be a good thing and I want them to be armed with the knowledge and then make their own decisions about it when the time comes.

OP posts:

loulabellecelino · 06/07/2009 09:40

QUOTE
"I really don't see the problem about lying about one's degree of religious commitment when state-funded schools are religious"
UNQUOTE

Actually, I do see a problem with it. Thing is I wanted my kids to go to our local catholic school. Not because its the best school, but because I actually do believe in God, and our local C of E school isnt really that religious. But because hypocrits like OP think its OK to lie in church in front of God, there are no places in the local catholic school for my kids, who do believe in God and do have faith.

Words really cant describe how disgusted I am that anyone would consider doing this.

Oblomov · 06/07/2009 09:45

loula, that is terrible. how did this happen ? did you have the chance to appeal.
In ds1's reception year there are 2 non catholic families. they applied as non catholics and got in. They are much lower down on the criteria obviously.
Thus this is all fine.
I am shocked to earn what has happened to you.

floaty · 06/07/2009 09:46

I am godparent to a little girl who is catholic,I am c of e it was no problem.One of the godparents couldn't make the ceremony as they lived abroad,you just have to get someone to stand proxy for them.

Having said that I do think that it is a religious ceremeony and it is deeply disrtespectful to thoise who do believe to pretend that it is just a tick box exercise.

MumOfAPickle · 06/07/2009 10:29

yes but people say how disrespectful the OP is but its often the 'believers' who facilitate this hypocrisy. In this case the PIL's know the reasons for getting it done and are not only going along with it but are organising the whole thing and inviting all and sundry to witness it.

I've lost count of the amount of friends whose parents or in-laws have insisted on a religious wedding ceremony when they know full well that one or both parties don't believe what they're saying. When there is this level of hypocrisy from people within the church then why expect non-believers to 'respect' the ceremonies?

LibrasBiscuitsOfFortune · 06/07/2009 10:43

"but libra that is entirely different - if the parents believe then they are simply expecting their child to go along with that, as in any other aspect of family behaviour.

but if you don't believe in it at all then foisting it on the children is really not on. "

but what about if the children don't believe? Do you think the parents would take them out of catholic school if the other choice was a school known to be awful? What about if the child is the believer but the parents are atheists?

I think discriminating against a child because of their parents beliefs/non-beliefs and using tax payers money to do it is just not on.

Mouette · 06/07/2009 11:13

Godparents have to be present at the christening, it's part of the ceremony, as they have to take vows on behalf of the child. Your MIL is not being unreasonable, she knows the drill.
I am a practising Christian and generally disapprove of people getting their children baptised when they have no intention of bringing them up as Christians. However I don't share the condemnation expressed in some of the posts - you deserve full marks for honesty,at least. And what if your children are brought up as Christians? Then it's OK from my point of view, but what about you?
Will you be happy for the school to indoctrinate your children in the faith and respect what they teach them? Or will you contradict what the school tells the children? I think that's what you should be thinking about. Also you will be expected to stand in front of the entire church and declare "I submit to Christ", "I fight for Christ". Will that not make you uncomfortable?

woodlands35 · 06/07/2009 11:32

i stood in for my nephews godmother , it was the day after the clocks had gone back so therefore she arrived an hour late so yes some1 would be allowed to stand in for your friend .
MIL should be a bit more understanding about your mum , & yes if i were you i would do what ever it takes to get my dc's into a GOOD school but i would also make an effort to attend mass for their sakes .

Sassybeast · 06/07/2009 11:42

You are a hypocrite, your MIL is a hypocrite and I will pee myself laughing when your kids don't get into your precious school cos they aren't practising Catholics What a waste of a good Marquee.....

MissSunny · 06/07/2009 11:43

Message withdrawn

jeee · 06/07/2009 11:47

In any case, I understand that some oversubscribed catholic schools don't accept a child who has been christened after their first birthday.

Stigaloid · 06/07/2009 12:01

I think you are being unreasonable to have your children baptised when it means nothing to you. However if you are going through the service then your best friend needs to be there otherwise she is not the godparent. Godparents take a vow in church in front of the community of the church and god to be a godparent.

i think it is pretty hypocritical and a sad state of affairs that you would use something that holds great meaning to many in order to sneak your way into a school when it means nothing to you.

If you do send your kids to catholic school they will expect you to attend the local church regularly and be involved with it. So be prepared to start getting religious because schools aren't stupid and know when people are trying to fraud their religion to get a place.

memoo · 06/07/2009 12:10

Rollergirl You do know that catholic schools give priority to children baptised in the local parish don't you? Having them baptised 200 miles away is a bad idea.

I am speaking as a member of staff at a catholic school and as a parent with 2 baptised DC

And not sure who told you your friend didn't have to be there but to be a godparent she absoulutly has to be present at the service. There are certain promises she will have to make before god.

FAQinglovely · 06/07/2009 12:12

what I don't understand is if the OP says she's going to start attending the local church anyhow why not attend there for a bit first and then the children baptised at the local church???

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 ··· 13 14