To make my daughter change schools when she doesn't want to ?

[Angstisme]

I have three motivations here

1. She is best friends with a girl who is vile towards her, throws apples at her when she comes to our house to play, lies to get her into trouble, over dominates DD.

Yet she puts up with it day after day, even the child's own mother said I wish one day my DD would turn around and tell her to F* off (which as they are 7 I die but you get the sentiment here). DD has one other child aside of the girl who she's good friends and plays at school with but never outside, so that strikes me they aren't that great friends otherwise the mother would be arranging playdates right ? I'm outting myself a bit here, but she invited 20 kids to her 7th Birthday and 3 turned up, 3 at least had the decency to tell me.

1. We've just had her sats through, she is absolutely average right across the board, fine but her dad and i have 9 A'Levels and 3 degree's between us, I'm wondering what the hell is going wrong, the other school is more academic.

1. Our eldest is moving no matter what, she cannot stand another day in her current school and whilst she is a year above in reading and english she is behind for maths, another friends child failed 11+ because of her maths, I believe the school doesn't do maths well.

Do I just make her move, I really do want to say I am the adult here, I've made my choice you're moving but of course you never want to see your child crying and upset and I believe she'll put us through that for a while, plus if we've got this wrong there's no going back.

Any advice at all ?

I would not recommend contacting another parent if your child is having problems with a class mate. The strategy recommended at my DS school is to talk to your DDs teacher if you feel she is being bullied. She should then observe the children playing in the playground and talk to your child and the offending child in order to sort things out.

If you start talking to other mothers about things their children/have said done it will just make everything worse. How would you feel if another mother came up to you and complained about your DDs behaviour.

If the school don't deal with bullying issues when they are raised then I would think this would be a good reason to move schools.

On the academic front if you think your DD would make better academic progress in another school and you can afford private then why not move her. However try not to have unrealistic expectations (she may not be as academic as you or your DH, or she may be a late academic devoloper) or push her too much.

No, it could be a whole other reason she is soiling her pants.

Your language and attitude are foul, this is a child in obvious distress we are talking about.

Happy if anyone came up to me and told me my child was behaving like this one is towards her class mate she'd be in serious trouble.
I am not running to the head teacher with this catalogue because I'm well aware they are on there on small things.
I've also just been informed that basically sats are fiddled so they show the children progressing the required 2 levels and everyone reaches level 5 so they aren't worth the paper they are written on.
Hubby and I have had a good talk with DD over an ice cream and basically she is going to tell X where to go next time she knocks our door to play which will be in around 15 mins.

And that distressed child is throwing things at my child, how much sympathy do you think I have after that ?
I'm sorry we've put up with a lot and made allowances but enough is enough.

I never soiled my pants at school and my parents got divorced. Maybe she has tummy probs for goodness sake. Are you for real

Suffice to say I know the mother well enough to have discussed this, it's not a physical problem she has.

Talk to the class teacher not the Head.

As I've said before the child is affected by the divorce, she is and her mother is quite happy to trot that out excuse as a way of getting her eldest into the school of her choice.

Oh and not everyone reaches a level five what utter nonsense.

All children do not reach level 5.

It may be an emotional problem due to the feeling of abandonment she may be experiencing so using the term 'shitting her pants' is wholy inappropriate. It may be some sort of phase she is going through. But frankly I think talking about someone like that when you are on speaking terms with their mothers stinks of your lack of social skills and empathy.

I am glad your husband is so clever by the way, therapists do cost quite a lot and it seems you have 3 kids that are going to need one!

Well I think it sounds like a good idea to move your kids because relationships have obviously broken down very badly here. You should reflect honestly on your part in that breakdown.

My oldest is just about to leave primary and in more than 6 years I can think of only three occasions when I've spoken to her teachers in concern - once about some rather bullying behaviour by a couple of her classmates towards her, once when it was obvious her name had been missed out of the draw for 'star of the day' (the whole class had had two turns and she was still waiting - teacher was mortified when she checked the tin with the names and found dd absent!) and once when dd told me another child had called one of dd's friends fat (they were 5 btw) Everything else she has sorted out herself as has dd2. I have spoken to a parent once - this week actually - when it was obvious that there was a major misunderstanding going on and I knew speaking to my friend was the best way to get clear messages going again.

I'm not saying my reaction is perfect in every case but you have to let them find their own way through situations and stay out of things as much as you can. It's for your dd to forge her friendships and find her path - you and your dh just have to get to grips with the idea that you may mot like her choices. Just don't undermine her ability to do this by reacting to every situation.. Encourage her to fix things or live with how they are broken - you CANNOT do it all and you can do a hell of a lot of damage in trying.

Bad choice of words but the child annoys the hell out of me, we've just had to pass them going up the street and the child is all sweetness and light when her mother and I are around, stroking our dog and even came out with can I go and live with them to which her mother answered yes, you know when you have to force a smile and it nearly kills you.

Message withdrawn

And which do you think came first the tasty little digs from their child towards my child or the hostility ?
Of course I don't like the kid but unfortunately she isn't the one that doesn't want to play with DD, she's around here most days chipping away at DD's confidence.
Well it has to end, it really does. Dh thinks it's should come from DD so we'll help her over the summer but the school move is happening.

Which accident are you talking about ?

If you mean the soiling of course I'm not holding that against her. I hold against her the stealing, the lying, the trying to get my DD into trouble with her dad, the name calling, the being nasty and whispering, jee would you like her around for tea ?

I think it's odd that you describe this other child - none of whose behaviour transcends the normal slings and arrows of 7yo friendships, from what you've posted - as "chipping away at my daughter's confidence"

when what is really likely to corrode your daughter's confidence is this bee you have in your bonnet about her average performance at school not being good enough - clever people like you don't HAVE average children - and the school and the other children just aren't good enough

you need to sort your attitude out before you really do warp your child's self-image. And let her get on with making friends of her own choice in her own way - you're her mother, not her PR consultant.

Save your time Greensleeves - she is sitting with her fingers in her ears saying LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA very loudly so she cannot listen to any of the normal rational people on here telling her that she is not normal or rational and she needs to change her behaviour and not her child's place of education!

Well I'm counting the days until our association with old shitty draws is over and frankly if that means paying it's worth every penny, flame away this subject is closed.

your attitude stinks worse than her knickers unfortunately

your poor dd