To make my daughter change schools when she doesn't want to ?

[Angstisme]

I have three motivations here

1. She is best friends with a girl who is vile towards her, throws apples at her when she comes to our house to play, lies to get her into trouble, over dominates DD.

Yet she puts up with it day after day, even the child's own mother said I wish one day my DD would turn around and tell her to F* off (which as they are 7 I die but you get the sentiment here). DD has one other child aside of the girl who she's good friends and plays at school with but never outside, so that strikes me they aren't that great friends otherwise the mother would be arranging playdates right ? I'm outting myself a bit here, but she invited 20 kids to her 7th Birthday and 3 turned up, 3 at least had the decency to tell me.

1. We've just had her sats through, she is absolutely average right across the board, fine but her dad and i have 9 A'Levels and 3 degree's between us, I'm wondering what the hell is going wrong, the other school is more academic.

1. Our eldest is moving no matter what, she cannot stand another day in her current school and whilst she is a year above in reading and english she is behind for maths, another friends child failed 11+ because of her maths, I believe the school doesn't do maths well.

Do I just make her move, I really do want to say I am the adult here, I've made my choice you're moving but of course you never want to see your child crying and upset and I believe she'll put us through that for a while, plus if we've got this wrong there's no going back.

Any advice at all ?

Interestingly, I'd class you as a thicko as well because you talk about social skills and yet clearly you have no empathy at all If you don't agree fine but there are ways and means of communicating that and name calling and stupid exaggerating for effect is a little childish. Maybe your DD takes after you and that's why you believe all children behave that way. Here's a news flash - they don't.
No of course 90 children across three year groups aren't mean, but the point is that my girls don't want to be friends with all 90, 5 or so each would suit them I'm sure, unfortunately for one reason or another in the current environment that just doesn't seem to have happened.
I do believe the disney issue caused the problems for my eldest not because was the only one to go, 4 girls in her year went over the summer, she was just the first so when she came back with her news and souvenirs it was enough to stop the two friends she had being playing perfectly nicely with up to that point from playing with her.
And I also clearly stated from the beginning that the youngest is just fine.

I don't remember her saying all the children in the school are mean and horrible. Did she say that ?

I agree about the disney thing. When we came back my daughter was told she was a show off when she gave a friend a present. The girl did not speak to her for a term. It is a big deal to certain kids.

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No, I didn't move schools. I have been lucky my kids seem to have made lots of lovely friends easily. Nevertheless, I know a few who haven't made friends easily. I don't think it is to do with those children not being well rounded. Sometimes people can be unlucky and do not find the right kids for them. Sometimes when you move schools you do find friends. This is not because they are better people just different people.

I've done a quick straw pole and it would seem that about 80% agree with me that moving is the best idea in this situation and that is what we will do.
To those 20% who would not move I'd be interested to hear what you would actually do in our shoes.
Bear in mind this has been going on for a good 12 months so not something we've rushed into and so far we have had meetings with the class teacher at the time, meets with the head, had every child that DD's have ever shown an interest in round for tea and of course had the birthday parties.
As it happened today one of the parents who didn't come to the party apologised in the play ground and just for a minute I thought maybe all is not so bad.
Until we get outside the school gates and there is child X again, whispering and pointing to my DD having a piggy back off her dad and laughing at her mouthing "BABY". Now I glared, DH gave her a filthy look and she stopped and I will be going around to talk to her mother tonight but really we have two weeks to go I'm almost beyond caring.
Miss Sunny save your energy, I will not be acknowledging or replying to anything you have to say.

BTW MissSunny she was a bit rude but not without a great deal of provocation. Did you both read the bit at the top of the page about personal attacks Have you had a bad day or something ?

You are going round her house to talk to the mother because she said baby, now you even have me worried. I think that is very OTT especially if you are leaving. Just ask other kids home for tea. There is no point telling them their kid is not nice to yours. Do you think it will change anything. Move on - if not in the new school do it in the one you are in. Make new friends.

I am going to tell her mother about her behavior, she is a little bitch, why oh why would a child do that ??
If somebody can genuinely explain why her mother should not know that she is calling my child names just as a pleasant way to pass her time then I'll listen, really.

If she is horrible have nothing to do with them, you don't have to. If you invite lots of kids home to tea your child will start to make new friends and play with them at school as well.

Being unpleasant to them in return will only make things worse for you. If someone came to my house and said that my daughter was a b because she called their child a baby i would be .

I'm not going to call anyone's child a bitch, that's my opinion and i'll keep it to myself (and thousands online who do not know who I'm talking about).
But it's the same with the stealing, the lying, if nobody lets this woman know what the child is like then how is she supposed to nip it in the bud ?
I suspect she already knows as the child was apparently sobbing at the weekend when my DD told her she was leaving and begged her not go (this came out this afternoon too), but again what sort of emotional bullying bullshit is that ? Stay at the school because otherwise I'll have nobody to pick on ?

It is very very hard to witness someone being horrible to your child. It brings out the worst in us all. What I think is most important is to teach your dd not to engage with that. She needs to know to walk away and play with someone else. She does not have to be in an abusive friendship. Ignore them. MissSunny is right to a certain extent there will be people like that wherever they go.

If the child is lying and stealing and an emotional bully maybe there is something up at home. Telling the mother will make no difference. If she is that bad its a bit late to nip it in the bud really.

This is the point though, you'd think the child would get bored wouldn't you, go and find somebody else to annoy but as it happens my DD didn't react she looked away, but it's not the bloody point and the longer she gets away with it the worse she'll get surely ?? I realise that will not be my problem as we won't be there but I would want to know if that was my daughter and frankly I'd be fuming if my child treated others like that.

At 7, you'd give up at 7 ?
The child's parents are divorced and always fighting, the child still soils her pants at school, there's obviously a problem, even so.

Blimey!
This got a bit heated.....
Angst, I think it might be wise to think about what Miss Sunny and Araminta are saying. TBH when I read your OP originally the first thing I wondered was if your children have poor social skills or perhaps you appear to..
I'm sorry if this sounds harsh, I am trying to help, honest
The whole, what's going on, my children aren't as bright as I expected...could be apparent to other parents. Is there any chance that you come across as a snob which is why the parents don't bring their dc to your party? that kind of ties in with the whole disneyland thing as well. Perhaps people felt you were rubbing their faces in it?
It's worth thinking about anyway..... If this is part of the problem it will be helped at an independent. Just make sure you are being completely honest with yourself.
Oh and please don't go round to the parents about the baby comment... they will think you are mad. just leave it, as you say, only another week or 2.

Clearly I would not give up at seven but she is not my child or your child. If the parents are so awful what do you think the mother will do - shut the door and say to herself oh she is right i must be a better parent. BTW my parents are divorced and I am fine thank you very much, it is not a sign of a dreadful life situation.

Maybe she does annoy the other kids as well but they do not continue to go near her. You would be better off talking to the school than the parents. You would be even better off talking to your dd and telling her to find a few more mates.

MissSunny I don't know about thicko, you are starting to look like a genius to me.

Thank goodness for ingles lovely sane comment, i am off for a cuppa !

to be fair, Angst meant the little girl who had been consistently horrid to her daughter, not a random one-off incident. It cna get to the point where you are so angry your reactions seem a little ott.

Absolutely hully I agree with you and said so. We all get verbally OTT if someone is mean to our children when in the comfort of out own home. Fair enough, the kids a meanie. It will be fantastic to move on.

Still think she should not go round there

First of all, she needs to get away from this 'Friend'. You say that she threw apples at your dd in her own home? Where were you? Did you not tell that child off?
Secondly don't wait for invites from other children, invite them first!
Thirdly, just because you have lots of qualifications does not mean that your children will. Just let them know that you love them and they should do their very best.
Do not compare.
Have a good talk with your DD and if she wants to stay at the old school, enrol her on some course to develop her self confidence (such as drama or self-defence).
The party drop out rate was bad though. I used to get that with my DD1, but this year they did a jewelry making party and guess what? They all wanted to come

Bloody hell - she is a child who is having problems and you are calling her a bitch for mouthing 'baby', talking about stealing and lying in the same sentance!!! - I really think you and your daughter have social problems and I wouldn't be surprised if you are on here again next year complaining that it is happening again.

It is hard but if all of your kids are encountering this problem you need to address that it is not the rest of the school population but your children and so, maybe you and your husband.

Oh and I am divorced, my poor poor eldest child is from a broken home!! But my eldest seems far more balanced than your child, she has loads of friends, everyone always comes to her parties and she is above average in all of her SATS! So you can take your snobby attitude with regards to divorce and stick it up your bottom!

Excuse me ?
The kids shits her pants at school and your telling me she isn't affected by the divorce ? Good god.