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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that some mothers are just shit

145 replies

tommypickles · 03/07/2009 14:23

The other day at sainsburys I was walking back to my car with the shopping and my kids.

The car parked next to me had 2 small boys in the back in their car seats.

Boy 1 must have been about 1 and crying his eyes out.

Boy 2 was about 3 or 4 with his hands covering his ears because of brothers screams!

My son who is 4 said to me "oh that baby is crying whats wrong?"

I said "well they're on their own darling, I think he probably wants his mummy"

So I stood there for a couple of minutes, dumb stuck to be honest, wondering what to do and how people could do this sort of thing.

The mum then showed up with at least 2 bags of shopping in each hand, calling to the boy (through the open window which any weirdo could have snatched them), "oh it's ok mummy's here".

Well, I gave her the look and loudly (so she could hear) discussed with my children how you should not leave children alone in the car.

Now I know how some people will try to look at this from both sides, but trust me she was not just returning her trolley or anything like that. And she must have been in the shop some time to fill at least 4 bags with shopping.

Now, she wasn't the sort of person you would assume, she was well into her 30's, nice new 4x4....very middle class.

I did take her registration number because at one point I wondered if I should call the police, do you think I should still report her?

OP posts:
Lizzylou · 03/07/2009 15:51

Aside from class issues/4x4 drivers etc I think YANBU, Op.

FWIW Like you, I would have loved to have confronted the woman but probably wouldn't have if I had my DC with me.

Yesterday I would have dearly loved to have said something to the woman in Asda who threatened her 7 yr old son that she would ram her "fucking fist down your stupid fucking neck" and then clipped him smack round the head.
But frankly I was worried she would kick 7 shades of shit out of me. And I am a big lass (though cowardly).
I did look round for someone to speak to but noone around and I didn't have my mobile on me.
I fet awful afterwards.

Nancy66 · 03/07/2009 15:51

Look - I know a way to settle this once and for all:

Did she have a tattoo?

Morloth · 03/07/2009 15:54

A moving icon/smiley FenellaFudge, I think the Michael Jackson eating popcorn one would be quite useful.

Confuzzeled · 03/07/2009 15:54

Nancy66, maybe she was pregnant and smoking or her bags were chinking from wine bottles.

PrincessToadstool · 03/07/2009 15:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
tommypickles · 03/07/2009 15:55

lizzy you shouldn't have mentioned what shop you were in apparently that a haging offence LOL

And nancy, you're now gonna get whiped by the ones on here who have tattoos

But thanks

OP posts:
PrincessToadstool · 03/07/2009 15:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FenellaFudge · 03/07/2009 15:56

Rofl!
Or Jordan faux-fellating a sausage roll - would come in handy on so many topics.

Lizzylou · 03/07/2009 15:57

Asda do great pizzas, so sue me

I do judge, often, but then I am terrible at making snap decisions on people only to find that my first impression was completely wrong.

DisturbinglySexuallyInactive · 03/07/2009 15:59

It's all a bit 'cast the first stone', this business of whether another mum is 'shit' or not - you can't assume that a snapshot of someone's life is the whole story. I think it's unreasonable to not only be so quick to label someone in that way but then to seek pats on the back for it. Not at all unreasonable to do something constructive about the children left in the car, but you didn't do that did you? The need didn't arise because suddenly the mother was there.

FenellaFudge · 03/07/2009 15:59

PrincessTadstool - you may benefit from a gif of a pretty waterfall or a bouncng, fluffy bunny rabbit orone of those black and white swirly-wirly hypnotic thingies. If nothing else it may distract you for a while.

Original poster
tommypickles · 03/07/2009 16:01

And how do you know she was a wierd "based on a glimpse"

So you don't leave your child in the car then, why's that then.....cos you know it's wrong??

I rest my case.

And never said that what you drive determines the parent you are, you chose to make that up all by your little self.

FWIW I drive a people carrier, what you gonna pick on about that now then, me and my car was never in question, I also do not leave my kids alone so not much point in asking me really.

OP posts:
Morloth · 03/07/2009 16:01

I was thinking about getting a tattoo. Am inclined towards a tramp stamp but also considering an ankle jobby, but the ankle ones hurt don't they?

Personally I shop at Waitrose so I never encounter this sort of thing.

I do sometimes drool when I have a nap on the lounge though.

DisturbinglySexuallyInactive · 03/07/2009 16:03

Why did you mention the style of car at all then, if it's not relevant?

Lizzylou · 03/07/2009 16:03

Booths in Clitheroe never has toddler slapping Moms, but is a 40 min trip, I find our local Tescos and Asdas pretty much of a muchness in terms of judging opportunities

FenellaFudge · 03/07/2009 16:04

Ah - its the done thing in Waitrose-shopping circles to have "Vulva" tattoed onto ones flaps lady bits.

Morloth · 03/07/2009 16:04

tommypickles I think you did imply that what you drive implies what sort of parent you are: "Now, she wasn't the sort of person you would assume, she was well into her 30's, nice new 4x4....very middle class."

Original poster
tommypickles · 03/07/2009 16:04

Disturb I never asked for a pat on the back nor even hinted at it.......i think a few people are guilty of exactly what they're protesting about

OP posts:
MsSparkle · 03/07/2009 16:05

Am I being unreasonable? : to think that some mothers are just shit?

I think YABU. I agree the woman was stupid for leaving her kids in the car but i don't think you or anyone else has the right to judge and call her a shit mother.

Having been judged twice this last week about my parenting (no i didn't leave them in my car) i am FED UP of judgy people seeing a glimpse of your day where your dc might be playing up and make out like your the worst parent alive.

If your weren't going to confront the woman and say something to her like an adult and mother rather than "talking loudly" to your dc (which is something that really annoys me) then mind your own business!

Morloth · 03/07/2009 16:06

I don't have a car, but I have considered leaving him on the bus when he is being a snot.

FenellaFudge · 03/07/2009 16:06

I shop at Tesco, hence my use of "lady bits".

Asda shoppers tend towards "Twinkie".

PrincessToadstool · 03/07/2009 16:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Morloth · 03/07/2009 16:08

I admit FenellaFudge I don't get it!

themildmanneredjanitor · 03/07/2009 16:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DisturbinglySexuallyInactive · 03/07/2009 16:10

I'm guilty of plenty of things, thanks!

I think that the vast majority of mums are doing Their Best, and that it wouldn't kill us to be a bit more supportive of one another in the interests not only of the children's welfare but as part of being caring, responsible people. Shock, horror, but well heeled people in their 30s can have bad days and difficult circumstances to cope with every bit as much as anyone else.