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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think that some mothers are just shit

145 replies

tommypickles · 03/07/2009 14:23

The other day at sainsburys I was walking back to my car with the shopping and my kids.

The car parked next to me had 2 small boys in the back in their car seats.

Boy 1 must have been about 1 and crying his eyes out.

Boy 2 was about 3 or 4 with his hands covering his ears because of brothers screams!

My son who is 4 said to me "oh that baby is crying whats wrong?"

I said "well they're on their own darling, I think he probably wants his mummy"

So I stood there for a couple of minutes, dumb stuck to be honest, wondering what to do and how people could do this sort of thing.

The mum then showed up with at least 2 bags of shopping in each hand, calling to the boy (through the open window which any weirdo could have snatched them), "oh it's ok mummy's here".

Well, I gave her the look and loudly (so she could hear) discussed with my children how you should not leave children alone in the car.

Now I know how some people will try to look at this from both sides, but trust me she was not just returning her trolley or anything like that. And she must have been in the shop some time to fill at least 4 bags with shopping.

Now, she wasn't the sort of person you would assume, she was well into her 30's, nice new 4x4....very middle class.

I did take her registration number because at one point I wondered if I should call the police, do you think I should still report her?

OP posts:

MildredRoper · 03/07/2009 15:32

Yes shiney is right - probably better to the police as they would be able to find her.

FenellaFudge · 03/07/2009 15:32

But Morloth, is anyone actually saying that OP is unreasonable for thinking that this mothers actions were 'shit'?

Surely the only answer to that is yanbu, or if you have a possible explanation then yabu.

But why, just by asking 'aibu' must every facet of a post be pulled apart for proof that, yes actually - you are being completely unreasonable?

The nature of the question - Am i being unreasonable? - does not intrinsically require forensic examination. But Aibu on here has become somewhere to come and sharpen your claws on other posters.

Maybe that just has to be accepted but nothing wrong with challenging it either.

Original poster

tommypickles · 03/07/2009 15:34

AT no point was it ever about where they shop, I simply said I was at sainsburys.

And I did already answer (people not reading again, she thinks to herself).......the sort of mothers that you see sceaming/shouting/swearing at their kids in public usually shorly followed by a swift smack across the arse. THAT sort of person.

Don't you get bored with this, the time it's taken you all to make stupid quesses about what I'm saying and just generally buggering about, because you must actually realise what I was saying, I could have got some decent responces

OP posts:

Sheeta · 03/07/2009 15:34

You should have called the police immediately.. poor little boys.

FenellaFudge · 03/07/2009 15:35

Sorry Morloth - that post sounded like I was directing all that onto you. I'm just making general points.

Morloth · 03/07/2009 15:35

If the OP actually gave a damn about the kids she would have done something other than tut and make passive aggressive comments to her kids so that the other mother could hear her.

Yes, some mothers are shit and some mothers are great and all of them fuck up some times.

I have quite sharp claws and rather enjoy using them, which is why I mostly play on this board instead of the support ones.

FenellaFudge · 03/07/2009 15:36

Tommy - course they dont get bored with it, they love it! Cant you tell?

Stigaloid · 03/07/2009 15:37

No i don't think you should report her. i think you should have said something to her rather than to your child, which brings your DC into the whole event. You don't know the background to the story - she may have had a friend shoppig for her and she went to collect the bags and was only 2 mins. You are making assumptions as to why she took so long and are being classist.

I have answered your question.

Tamarto · 03/07/2009 15:37

Great thread.

Are you new to talk boards at all?

DisturbinglySexuallyInactive · 03/07/2009 15:38

ok well obviously it goes without saying that YA totally NBU to think that it's wrong for people to leave small children unattended in cars, for any reason or any real length of time if out of sight (obviously not when refuelling the car or whatever)

but the whole class thing just muddied the waters, you say 'THAT sort of person' but in truth child abuse/neglect is not and never has been any respecter of social class - it's everywhere!

Tamarto · 03/07/2009 15:39

'I was just a passing member of the public who did what she thought was best by making sure the children were safe.'

If you wanted praise you should have said.

'the sort of mothers that you see sceaming/shouting/swearing at their kids in public usually shorly followed by a swift smack across the arse. THAT sort of person'

How do you know she isn't that sort of person?

SusieDerkins · 03/07/2009 15:40

I think that WWYD is a much under-used topic.

Original poster

tommypickles · 03/07/2009 15:41

Disturbingly- obviously I wanted to hear whether or not people though this woman was a shit mother for doing what she did.
And I have already said why I didn't confront her......nothing about not having the guts......believe me, the exact opposite, as I already said because if she'd got shitty about it I'd have torn her apart, and I wouldn't ever want my children to be involved in anything like that

OP posts:

PrincessToadstool · 03/07/2009 15:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PrincessToadstool · 03/07/2009 15:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Morloth · 03/07/2009 15:44

I never get bored of arguing, especially on the internets.

beanieb · 03/07/2009 15:45

I saw a woman leave her two children in the back of the car while she went to pay for petrol. The kids were under 3 I recon, one probably about 13-18 months. they looked happy and cheery and I waved at them, they were only alone a couple of minutes and she could see them all the time. I hope she didn't think anyone was judging her.

On the other hand, I was behind a car today with a woman in it who had one of those 'mum to be on board' stickers (God how I hate them) and she was smoking a fag and flicking it out the window without a care, now that's a shit parent!

Confuzzeled · 03/07/2009 15:46

OP, this is what AIBU is like, if you had said - AIBU to think leaving 2 kids under 4 unattended in a car is shit? Then you would have got loads of people agreeing with you.

I think if I was in your situation I would have stood there for a few minutes too. I wouldn't have wanted to leave in case the kids got out the car or someone tried to grab them. If it had been longer than a few minutes I'd have asked someone else to watch the kids or to run into the shop to make an announcement.

I also get what you mean about the description of the woman, I guess you were trying to say she wasn't a junkie and didn't come across as mad. People on MN can be very class sensitive, Sainsbury's is thought to be expensive but I can do my weekly shop there for less than I can at Morrisons.

My old neighbour was a single Mum who worked really long hours and her child didn't sleep. She had NO family at all and had moved to the city for her job. She once ran round to the shop to get a lottery ticket leaving 2yo ds alone in the flat. He went and knocked on a neighbours door because he couldn't find his Mummy. The neighbours called SS and it forced her to take a look into her parenting. She soon realised she had depression and got the help she needed. Maybe you should call SS with the licence number if you still have it, this woman could also need help.

FenellaFudge · 03/07/2009 15:47

Agree WWYD, much more appropriate.

Aibu is frequented by angry, jeering, drooling beasts just waiting for new blood (what the thread is about is neither here nor there)

Should be renamed PMT Alley.

Morloth · 03/07/2009 15:48

"Aibu is frequented by angry, jeering, drooling beasts just waiting for new blood" Raises Hand!

OrmIrian · 03/07/2009 15:48

"obviously I wanted to hear whether or not people though this woman was a shit mother for doing what she did."

No I don't. I think she did something a little stupid and ill-judged in circumstances that you can't know fully. That doesn't make her a poor mother.

Original poster

tommypickles · 03/07/2009 15:49

Why are you being so defensive Princess has my post made you realise that you must be a shit mother cos you perhaps leave your kids in the car?????

Your behaving like my op was a personal attck on you for some reason!!!??

OP posts:

Morloth · 03/07/2009 15:50

LOL tommypickles you have done it now! We really need to be able to use gifs.

OrmIrian · 03/07/2009 15:51

drooling? Never! Dribbling a little perhaps when asleep and I can't help that. Don't be so personal

FenellaFudge · 03/07/2009 15:51

Whats a gif?

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