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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my wife is being unreasonable

241 replies

SomeGuy · 02/07/2009 22:50

We are going to Mexico next week (flights not yet booked, but about to be).

Flights on Monday cost £735 total for our family of 4

On Wednesday the cost is £895 for our family of 4.

DW is organiser of a monthly lunch meetup with her friends. There are usually about six women, with their children, and each brings food. The next meet-up is not at our place, but at the house of one of the other people involved, and is scheduled for next Tuesday.

She says we can't go on Monday, saving £160, because she has given her word that the lunch meet would take place on Tuesday, and she says they would probably cancel it if she doesn't come (even though it's at one of her friend's house, who quite frequently has a lunch with just one other person).

I think she is being unreasonable, because there is frequently one of the 6 that cannot make it, and there's not really a significant difference between 5 cooking for 5 and 6 cooking for 6.

It's not that we can't afford the extra £160, it just seems wrong to 'waste' it.

OP posts:
poshtottie · 03/07/2009 12:16

Have you booked accommodation yet?

Tell your wife you are booking here I'm sure she will think its worth missing a lunch for.

LynetteScavo · 03/07/2009 12:23

Oh poshtotie that looks fab! I'm sure Mrs SomeGuy wouldn't be ashmamed of telling her friends she is going there!

LynetteScavo · 03/07/2009 12:24

SomeGuy, I think your wife just really loves her monthly meet-ups. Does she see many friends in between?

poshtottie · 03/07/2009 12:25

Or this one

VinegarTits · 03/07/2009 12:36

Hurricane season isnt until August is it? i went to Mexico in July, no hurricanes

VinegarTits · 03/07/2009 12:37

Oh hang on no, i went in june (getting mixed up with a july med cruise) maybe be it is hurricane season then

Original poster
SomeGuy · 03/07/2009 12:45

she was out in London till 6am yesterday with a different group of people, and they are coming round today and she is cooking for them and then she is going out to a club with them. We went to a party with a different set of her friends last weekend. She had a picnic with some different friends a couple of days ago.

poshtottie: those look a bit outside my budget. Will check rates though.

Was thinking of somewhere like this:

www.thomson.co.uk/destinations/caribbean/mexico/mexico-caribbean-coast/playacar/hotels/clubhotel-riu -tequila.html

Have booked 2 weeks, so can't imagine we'll spend it all in the same hotel.

OP posts:
Original poster
SomeGuy · 03/07/2009 12:48

There is a hurricane season rhyme:

June too soon, July standby, August come it must, September remember, October all over

Not totally accurate, but August/September is generally worst.

Katrina was late August, Hugo, Gilbert and Ivan were September, Wilma was October.

OP posts:
LynetteScavo · 03/07/2009 12:51

SomeGuy, your wife wants to calm down.

Who is sorting the children out after her wild night out?

Original poster
SomeGuy · 03/07/2009 12:51

Hmmph, those hotels cost £500 and $960/night respectively. Will pass I think.

OP posts:
Original poster
SomeGuy · 03/07/2009 12:53

she took DS to school in the morning when she got back from London, and then I got up at 9:30am when the delivery man knocked on the door with DD's bike, which I collected. THen she went to bed till noon or so.

She doesn't do that very often, every couple of months really.

OP posts:
VinegarTits · 03/07/2009 12:55

I think Hurricane Emily was July

FairLadyRantALot · 03/07/2009 12:58

YANBU to think that your wife is BU
That seems silly...if the lunch meet is important to the other people they will still meet up, and if not, than it is more important to her than to them, it seems...so...not worth wasting £160 for, imvho

Original poster
SomeGuy · 03/07/2009 13:00

Yes:

"Emily became the strongest hurricane ever to form before August, breaking a record set by Hurricane Dennis just six days before. It was also the earliest Category 5 hurricane ever recorded in the Atlantic basin (beating Hurricane Allen's old record by nearly three weeks) and the only Category 5 hurricane ever recorded before August."

The 2005 hurricane season was worst ever (also had Katrina, Rita and Wilma).

OP posts:
LadyThompson · 03/07/2009 13:02

I think your wife is being a bit spoilt.

However, I don't think you will get her to change her mind without major acrimony and I doubt it's worth it.

If I was you, though, I'd be irritated and it's tiresome when people are really hung up on what their mates think.

thumbwitch · 03/07/2009 13:07

Glad you've sorted it SomeGuy and booked the Wednesday flights - although I do think she IBU. Just limit her spending money when she gets there, cos it's already cost you £160 more than it needed to!

FairLadyRantALot · 03/07/2009 13:07

and am a bit at someone being embaressed by going on holiday to Mexico (swine-flu or not).....that is being completely spoiled and brattish...but, what has her "not being english" to do with her placing more importance on it?

Gosh, there is me be fecking over the blardy moon to go to Germany this summer (Ferry/car) to visit germany...we have not been on any proper holiday as a complete family nor to germany itself as a complete family ever....and ys is 5 this summer...so...to be precious about being offered such a great Holiday to such a fantstic destination, really is taking the Biccie..

Original poster
SomeGuy · 03/07/2009 13:10

she's probably spent £160 already, her friend came over from Germany and asked her to drive her to London, she said no, but then she ended up going there anyway, god knows how much that cost, and now said friend had invited her friends and a random Spanish exboyfriend round to our house (WTF?), so DW has spent £50 on meat and fish for their lunch. And then she's going to be taxi service to take them to the club tonight.

No party for DD's birthday anyway, cos we'll be in Mexico, DS's birthday cost us about £300, so I guess that'll save some money

OP posts:
LynetteScavo · 03/07/2009 13:13

SomeGuy...I want to come and hang out with your DW...her lunches sound fab!

VinegarTits · 03/07/2009 13:15

£50 is my total weekly shopping budget (and thats if im feeling flush) your obviously not short of cash (and like letting people know it)

LynetteScavo · 03/07/2009 13:21

I think SomeGuy is coming over all wrong...I think it's his wife who is spending all the money, and he's rolling his eyes over it.

Original poster
SomeGuy · 03/07/2009 13:22

It wasn't my choice to spend £50. I did suggest she should use braising steak for curry rather than rump steak, because £11.50/kg is rather excessive for curry meat. We are supposed to be saving to buy a house at some point.

She does at least buy all her clothes from TK Maxx and Primark, and doesn't have any £600 handbags, unlike one of her acquaintances (who made a point of calling up and saying that she had just bought two such handbags but she didn't like one and would she like to buy one, but actually the point of the call was to show off about the fact she'd just spent £1200 on handbags).

OP posts:
Alibabaandthe40nappies · 03/07/2009 13:23

SomeGuy it's pretty bad form to flash the cash on here so much. You aren't doing your wife any great favours either, she sounds like a spoilt princess!

Starbear · 03/07/2009 13:26

Someguy where is your wife from? I need to get some over the top imagines (stereotypes)to write in my book. I'm sorry I'm going to write her up as a lady that lunches, I bet she looks fab. I think the trip to Dollywood will be part of the climax where Mrs Parton saves you! Mexico is just the catalyst.Oh! If I add an unexpected hurricane that could be fun! I might have a MN siren try and steal you away but then your wife comes to her senses...... that it! with the help of Dolly Parton and her banjo band!
I'm going to my aunt's for our summer hols in Spain in a village. I'll be helping her with housework and looking after her 86yrs old Mil. So I'm just having a housewife's day dream!

Rhubarb · 03/07/2009 13:28

It sounds as though she values and treasures her friends very much. Where is she from?

Have her friends always been around her? Does she have any family over here or is it just her friends? Could she be treating her friends like an extended family perhaps?

She isn't spending money on herself, she's spending it on her friends. She obv likes entertaining and to be well thought of, that means a lot to her. So for us, it would seem crazy to put these people before a much cheaper holiday, but to her that is the sacrifice she is willing to pay.