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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be annoyed at the pecking order of the breaking baby news?

59 replies

CakeandFineWine · 02/07/2009 20:54

RANT ALERT!!

So my Brother-in-law, (DH Twin) and his DP
have announced they are expecting their first baby on 25/12/2009!!
Yeah good news and all

Then we fine out that all her family and our family were told first, fair enough can cope with that we live furthest away, out of sight and all that!

Then he drops the bombshell that they also told some of their (and our) friend before us?!?!?!

Surely this is bad baby breaking news etiquette?
I mean its his twin?!!?

deep breath

OP posts:
RumourOfAHurricane · 02/07/2009 20:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

sagacious · 02/07/2009 20:57

Theres etiquette?

[thud]

Take a deep breath and think about how whiney you sound.

hf128219 · 02/07/2009 20:57

Yeah - does it matter?

canttouchthis · 02/07/2009 20:57

it doesn't really matter who finds out first, there's always going to be one party who are disappointed to not have been told first. you can please everyone...try and see it from their point of view.

MrsTittleMouse · 02/07/2009 20:57

I wouldn't be thrilled. It's difficult to know the circumstances though. Sometimes friends find out first because they are there and spot the symptoms, or because you need someone to help through morning sickness or so on.

How does your DH feel about it?

mummiesnet · 02/07/2009 20:58

I told a handful of friends then nobody, inc my Mum, Dad and brother til 13 weeks.

I don't think there are any hard and fast rules tbh, depends how close they are.

canttouchthis · 02/07/2009 20:58

oops, you can't please everyone

MaggieBeeBeau · 02/07/2009 20:59

I told my boss before my mum!!

FabBakerGirlIsBack · 02/07/2009 20:59

Really, it doesn't matter.

There is surely no etiquette and people can tell who they want, when they want.

Mine are 8 5 and 4 and I still haven't told some people I was pregnant with them.

mummiesnet · 02/07/2009 21:01

Actually I think you're being really odd if your only reaction to their news is: "Yeah good news and all" and then "I must go and rant about something insignificant on MN."

You hate your SIL, don't you?

pointydog · 02/07/2009 21:02

I didn't think there was any etiquette on this issue.

If my sister gets pregnant (and I do wish she'd get a move on) I wouldn't be at all surprised if she told some of her friends first

PrincessToadstool · 02/07/2009 21:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

wonderingwondering · 02/07/2009 21:05

I told my friends in the pub half an hour after I'd done the test as they spotted I wasn't drinking and quizzed me until I confessed! DH and I only just knew, we told our parents when we next saw them, a day or two later. Then siblings, then everyone else after 12 weeks. It is just logistics, they might have wanted to tell you face to face.

Good news doesn't 'wear out' for being shared!

MiniMarmite · 02/07/2009 21:06

People just get carried away with the excitement and accidentally tell people they see on a day-to-day basis before their family

I did anyway

I told anyone who would listen TBH

You're going to an Aunty who cares about etiquette?!

hf128219 · 02/07/2009 21:06

I really don't get the big deal here. She's only what 14 weeks pregnant? Of course her family would be the first to know, then his parents and so on.

Your dh is only a lowly uncle after all

Original poster
CakeandFineWine · 02/07/2009 21:07

I don't hate my SIL at all actually!
I'm really quite happy for them,
We sat down both our families within 24 hours and told everyone practically at the same time.
Yes I understand best friends/bosses ect may be told first, but it feels like everyone knew before us, I'm surprised we didn't hear via a friend on facebook or something, and I guess its more odd by the fact they had a perfect private opportunity to tell us on Saturday eve?

Our lack of pecking order is probably exaggerated by the fact I found out I am expecting #2 yesterday, the day they announced to us so am a bit emotional anyway?

PS I LOVE MN, you never know the reaction your going to get!!!

OP posts:
Tambajam · 02/07/2009 21:08

You tell people when it crops up, when you see them, if they are part of your daily lives. Not a biggie.

Original poster
CakeandFineWine · 02/07/2009 21:09

I think my beef is the fact it was mutual friends, therefore they could have accidently slipped it out to us in conversation and we would have found out third hand,

Also they SAW us on Saturday face to face but rang last night so told us over the phone anyway.

OP posts:
AitchTwoOh · 02/07/2009 21:09

congratulations on your pregnancy, mad hormonal etiquette lady.

Pingpong · 02/07/2009 21:10

Dry your eyes!
It's no biggie is it?
YABU

AitchTwoOh · 02/07/2009 21:10

your 'beef' is silly, lol. who honestly gives a stuff about this sort of thing, good news is good news.

ImOverHere · 02/07/2009 21:10

I had a similar thing happen to me and it got to the point that, although I knew my Bro and SIL were having a baby, I had to pretend I didn't (and I think they knew that I knew but still didn't say anything. I broke the stale mate by putting a congrats note in SIL birthday card and all was well after I had).

Bloody pathetic and not a little bit hurtful. I understand how you feel and although it doesn't matter in the long run (you do get over it when you realise that a new person is going to come into the world and how exciting that is) I was left wondering what it was all about and why I was such a pariah I couldn't be told at the same time as everyone else (still don't know, but have decided it doesn't matter now).

Not helpful for you other than to know your not the only one.

Original poster
CakeandFineWine · 02/07/2009 21:11

Why isn't there a crazy looking smileys?

I guess I have manners and standards higher than others

OP posts:
mummiesnet · 02/07/2009 21:14

Well that's good you don't hate her - just trying to see if we could get to the crux of the matter.

It transpired there isn't one.

Do you think you might be overblowing the whole thing though somewhat:

"We sat down both our families within 24 hours and told everyone practically at the same time."

So what if you did?

You're right and they're wrong?

Perhaps they just don't think people will assume it's as groundbreaking as you did.

Congrats on your pregnancy btw - hope you've told everyone you know in RL before you told us lot

FairMidden · 02/07/2009 21:15

I have to say I wouldn't have given a toss. My DP would have been affronted and insulted and wounded and generally aggrieved but I couldn't care less. Honestly, what right or claim do you have to be told before anyone else? Goodness, they have more important things to worry about than whether they'd upset you by telling someone else first. Right now the focus should be on feeling pleasure and excitement for them, surely.

I will forgive you for your transgression though, because of your own hormonal madness. Congratulations!