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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be annoyed at the pecking order of the breaking baby news?

59 replies

CakeandFineWine · 02/07/2009 20:54

RANT ALERT!!

So my Brother-in-law, (DH Twin) and his DP
have announced they are expecting their first baby on 25/12/2009!!
Yeah good news and all

Then we fine out that all her family and our family were told first, fair enough can cope with that we live furthest away, out of sight and all that!

Then he drops the bombshell that they also told some of their (and our) friend before us?!?!?!

Surely this is bad baby breaking news etiquette?
I mean its his twin?!!?

deep breath

OP posts:
Original poster
CakeandFineWine · 02/07/2009 21:20

thanks for forgiving me in my hour of madness,
I blame heat and hormones and feel a damn sight better for being told I'm completely selfish for even thinking it!
I'm actually really pleased that A) My LO will have a cousin and
B) We'll have 2 LO near to each other to coo, compare and contrast and it bloody fab!

I know I have bizarre customs and ways, I blame the parents

OP posts:
riddley · 02/07/2009 21:32

You're not selfish, just huffy. And there's nuffink wrong with a bit of huff under the circumstances.

I have to say the other posters are absolutely right, you should just put it behind you, no hard feelings, just look forward to the wonderful day the baby cousins can meet up at a joyous family get together etc etc.

Oh, and of course when you're in a position to spread your new baby news...make sure you tell 'em last

Original poster
CakeandFineWine · 02/07/2009 21:37

hahaha, def no need of tit for tat eh!!!
That would be petty, I'm not petty

In fact, we'll tell them first!! on principle

OP posts:
MiniMarmite · 02/07/2009 21:47

Congrats

(hope they don't find out you told MN first )

dmo · 02/07/2009 21:50

my doctor knew before me

zeke · 02/07/2009 21:52

Gosh - I didn't think there was an 'order'. I just told people as and when I saw/spoke to them - maybe they are like me and meant nothing by it?

EyePeam · 02/07/2009 22:01

ah but for some people there is an order ... we didn't want to tell anyone until after 12 wk scan. Had that, started telling people, rang SIL to tell her and BIL and said 'sorry we didn't tell you when we saw you a few weeks ago in person but wasn't the right time for us.' SIL said, "that's fine, as I assume we're among the first to know anyway." I just said as we'd actually told quite a few people by then - but they weren't going to know that!

AitchTwoOh · 02/07/2009 22:05

yes there's an order. it's called 'whichever order the actual pregnant woman who is going to get fat and have the baby feels like telling people in'. that's the only order imo.

mind you, my mother is a bit nuts about this sort of thing so i rebel against it automatically.

LupusinaLlamasuit · 02/07/2009 22:07

F.G.S.

SerendipitousHarlot · 02/07/2009 22:09

LOL mummiesnet

Loving your work

4andnotout · 02/07/2009 22:11

My bil announced his engagement on fb before even telling his family even his mum and dad!

Haribosmummy · 02/07/2009 22:13

Agree with mummiesnet... Just because you did one thing doesn't make it right.

My mother was probably the last person to find out about my pregnancy (and, even then, I didn't tell her... DH got tipsy and phoned her on my behalf) I was 25 weeks pregnant at that point.

Was right for us...

So, you are being unreasonable!

2rebecca · 02/07/2009 22:14

When I was pregnant my friends in the wine tasting club we went to knew before my sibs because they spotted I wasn't drinking, otherwise no-one except both parents knew before the 12 week scan. I never asked my brother who he'd told before me, it seemed irrelevent. Agree it's not a competition, get over yourself.

Firawla · 02/07/2009 22:17

i told some of my friends before my twin sis when i was preg with ds1, cos she didnt pick up the phone when i called

with dc2 i told some of my friends before my parents or ILs because was quite close together and wasnt sure their reaction whereas friends would only be positive

but dh the very first on both times of course

i think yabu a bit, its not a big deal. if they kept it from u the whole pregnancy, then yanbu for being annoyed but its not like that so dont worry about it

onepieceofcremeegg · 02/07/2009 22:18

Wouldn't bother me. However this is exactly the type of situation that my mil and sil love to get offended about. I find it quite pathetic tbh (sorry op, but I have a lot of first hand experience of mil especially getting all offended about some slight)

Just be really happy for your bil and sil, It's fantastic news.

dollius · 02/07/2009 22:20

Sorry, but LOL @ FabBakerGirl

Buddleja · 02/07/2009 22:22

Ah I get while you feel put out but I reakon it was circustancial they way people got told - you know didn't want to tell till the 12 week mark but too excited when you met people

My BIL wife is pregnant and we weren't told till she as 14 weeks I didn't fleetingly think 'hey why didn't you tell us earlier?' so I get your beef!!! Especially as DH practically wiped the pregnancy test out of my hand and showed it to anyone who'd listen so they hear EARLY (earlier than I wanted)

Why don't you just say 'oh congratulation cna't belive you managed to keep it quiet for so long!!!' Get it out your system without being nasty

FabBakerGirlIsBack · 03/07/2009 07:56

dollius.

Kimi · 03/07/2009 07:58

Why are you so upset?

dal21 · 03/07/2009 08:15

Oops. Then my brother and SIL are going to be most put out!

Mum told immediately.

A couple (friends) we went on holiday with when I was only 5 weeks were told (how else could I explain the no drinking and frequent naps?)

Two female work colleagues were told next...they guessed.

DBro and SIL will only be told once 12 week scan shows everything is ok.

SesHasFinallyBecomeAMum · 03/07/2009 08:31

With my first pg, we told our mums and 3 of our closest friends within a few days. My mum was concerned that some friends knew before my brothers and told me I should tell them too and she would tell my dad.
My older brother responded by saying " well you're only just pg, something might go wrong yet". Unfortunately it did as mmc discovered at 12 wk scan. I felt v silly
Fortunately everyone is now smitten with my 7 week old DS

I learnt though to tell who we want, when we want. I can understand a fleeting wish to have been told earlier but it is their choice and hey, you have a niece/nephew on the way!!!

StealthPolarBear · 03/07/2009 08:40

Am I the only person who has noticed that they did have a chance to tell the OP and her DH face to face before they were actually told (but presumably after they'd told others) and chose not to? I do think that's slightly odd.

As for pecking order, we made a point of telling our parents first and tried to get to DH's brother quickly afterwards but after that it was too difficult to prioritise

ginormoboobs · 03/07/2009 10:16

Did they know that you were ttc?
Maybe they were putting off telling you incase it upset you.

2rebecca · 03/07/2009 12:58

Some people are closer to their friends than their family. in that case telling friends before family seems natural.

TwoHot · 03/07/2009 13:56

very bad, is there an underlying reason or tension? Try not to get too het up tho, tis only manners and not everyone has them!

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