to regret giving my dd a gay packed lunch?

[pointydog]

Dd1 (12) was off on a fun school trip today with a mix of kids from high school.

I suggested a few things for her packed lunch this morning and she went off happily with a peanut butter sandwich, a fruitus bar, a kitkat, some dried apricots, a tub of home-made muesli and a bag of chipsticks.

The tuff kids laughed at her lunch - snorting particularly loudly at the apricots - and called it gay.

I feel like the mum in About A Boy.

My post confirms what exactly?

Are you calling me a bully?

I'm not the lone voice trying to justify ignorant bigoted abuse

it's NOT OK to use "girly" as an insult

not within earshot of me or dh anyway

Message withdrawn

'gay' used as an insult is offensive

The use of the word gay as an insult is totally unacceptable and I will definitely be pulling my DS up if he ever uses it near me.

FWIW when I was at primary school there was a boy there whose surname rhymed with gay. He was quite effeminate as well so he got called it by everyone (including me once or twice to my eternal shame).

I went to a different secondary school but we ended up being in the same group of friends years later (early 20's). He had grown up completely confused about his sexuality, had always assumed he was gay but then found he fancied girls. He had and was still having an awful time trying to feel happy and comfortable with himself and I have always thought it was down to constantly being called gay.

We were never pulled up on it by the teachers and it wasn't even said in a particularly nasty way (I'm sure some posters on here would have said it was just banter ) but it has clearly affected him for years and years and still makes me

pointydog - what did you give her to drink?

I ask because once I ordered a ginger beer at a bar...

"That is such a lesbian drink" a 'friend' of mine hissed.

she had a couple of cartons of fruit juice, tea. Wouldn't have helped the situation .

(Re the candy floss, fox. You can but it in tubs so no issues re packing it for a lunch al fresco)

MissSunny you might want to think about what you have just written there. The thread was about whether or not it is OK for kids to use the word gay as essentially a term of abuse. LeninGrad posted some research findings as to the impact of homophobic abuse at schools. How can that not be relevant to the thread? Especially when she and other people have shown that this sort of thing really does have a negative impact on children who are (or think they might be) gay?

I think this (of no interest to me line of thinking) is often the reason why such things are let to go on, because the adults around don't really care as it doesn't upset them. We all really need to be on our guard to try and address prejudice whenever we see/hear it, or indeed when we ourselves feel it. It's all part of that general premise of putting yourselves into the other person's shoes I think, a key thing for children to learn and adults to demonstrate.

I think Kazzi is Richard Littlejohn in disguise.

PC Gorn mad = why can't we call people wogs/spazzes/mongols anymore

To use gay/lesbian/poof as a general insult is offensive. I cannot believe anyone would try to bother and defend this.

Kazzi - you say you greet your lesbian cousin with 'Hi lezza' and she isn't offended. How do you know she is not gritting her teeth. I know that if my gay mum was greeted by her cousin with the same phrase, my mum would smile and ignore, but think inside 'twat'.

I was talking to people at work about this topic yesterday, said that my dd had used lesbian as an insult. Lots of people O spoke to thought it was harmless. People just don't think.

I have a 17 YO sister and from what I can gather being 'Gay' is the in thing at the moment. It has nothing to do with homosexuality just as (I presume) the word Gay did not mean homosexual years and years ago.

Used to work with 16-18 YO and everything was 'gay'. Except from the young people who were actually (openly) homosexual. From my experience these young people wernt treated differently/bullied.

I have herd of young people who 'experiment' with homosexuality, just like trying out drinking beer or whatever. I dont think it is as unusual as it was years ago for some one to admit to being homosexual or bisexual.

Bullying or name calling is always awful weather you are 5 or 50 but its always going to happen in some form or another. The main thing is being able to deal with it IMO.

As for the packed lunch? YABU to regret it your DD wasnt overly bothered by the insult and presumably enjoyed it so I say stick to your guns and keep going with the homosexual packed lunches

i havnt read the whole thread here but sadly words like spaz do exist as my 9 yr old found out swimming the other day and he is disabled he was terribly hurt, and cried.

i explained to him there are many many ignorant people in this world and they are best ignored and to never say anything to hurt others feelings, he said there were very "childish" is is 9 yrs old and is more adult than some adults on this topic.

Perhaps it is prevalent at schools because there are a high proportion of parents who don't think there is anything wrong with poof/lezza/gay as 'banter'.

It's not just kids is it. My mum runs a pub, she had to ask someone to leave recently (for drink and aggressive behaviour, I couldn't do my mum's job in a month of Sundays). As he was leaving he turned on mum and said some variant of 'eff off, you effing dyke c***!. Lovely in front of a packed pub. It happens a lot, any time there is an altercation her sexuality is used as an insult.

My aunt, who is also gay, works as a civil servant, and she gets some comments as well. She mentioned that she liked Black Eyed Peas, some bloke she works with said 'bet you do, that Fergie is gorgeous, bet you want to get in her knickers etc etc'.

This kind of thing is pretty much par for the course for those two.

I'm a bit shocked at the number of people who don't understand why using 'gay' as a term of abuse is wrong. But Lenin is saying everything I'd like to say, except she's being nice and reasonable about it.

LeninGrad "I just don't understand why with all the LGBT chic there was in the 90s and noughties that we seem to have regressed in this area in schools/the playground/pre-adolescent and adolescent chat."

Because humans are pack animals and anyone acting outside of the pack "norm" is going to be pounced on.

LeninGrad: you are my new hero... I'll be cutting and pasting a lot of this thread to use, calmly, when trying to explain to less thoughtful members of my family and my students why 'gay' as an insult makes me want to strangle them isn't acceptable!

agree morloth...minorities are always a target..unfortunately.