to regret giving my dd a gay packed lunch?

[pointydog]

Dd1 (12) was off on a fun school trip today with a mix of kids from high school.

I suggested a few things for her packed lunch this morning and she went off happily with a peanut butter sandwich, a fruitus bar, a kitkat, some dried apricots, a tub of home-made muesli and a bag of chipsticks.

The tuff kids laughed at her lunch - snorting particularly loudly at the apricots - and called it gay.

I feel like the mum in About A Boy.

Not much time right now, but I just want to post in support of guvk who did not mean to cause offense with her use of banned (by the word police) words (she apologised at the time).

I know many will claim the words have power despite her innocent use of them to illustrate a point. Some may well have been offended and will claim that she was offensive if they were offended. They may claim that children (or impressionable adults) might see and repeat the words. None of that would be fair. Govk was right to use them in that context. It was what she meant by using them that mattered.

LG, I fear that you are right that there is little that can persuade onagar who is now being beyond obtuse.

You have said before that you have found this thread encouraging for some of the responses on it but I must admit to finding it incredibly depressing.

It never entered my head that we would need to have a discussion on whether or not using gay as an insult was offensive or not ... I get that some people might never have thought about it or considered it (although still a little at that) but would have thought that anyone who had their attention drawn to the issue for more than half a second would be appalled that they had ever thought about using it. Truly defies belief.

Instead of quoting a daft thread about custard cream bicuits, wish Time magazine would have used this thread as an example of the debate that goes on on MN.

LeninGrad - you have put your point of view across so eloquently. Gawd knows how people think they have an argument, but still. You certainly have more patience that I have

'word police'?
a DM phrase if ever I heard one.
'there are none so blind as those who will not see'

How can a lunch be gay? Does the peanut butter sandwich only fancy other peanut butter sandwiches, as opposed to cheese sandwiches? Kids can be cruel, and rather stupid.

Now I've heard everything!
Sounds like the kids need to be sectioned to me!!
Could she have heard them wrong? Anyway, they need to get a life as the saying goes!

I'm heartily amused by onager's defence of me against a non-existent attack. The fact that no-one actually did take offence shows that the 'word police' are not the unreasonable knee jerkers you claim onager.

I didn't use the words -- I mentioned them. I apologised only because they are rather sickening to see, and felt rather sickening to type.

A bit of a weaselly way of failing to address what I said onager??

LG, the reason my pupils give for them thinking its okay to use gay in a negative way, but totally unacceptable to use words pertaining to disability or race is because (wait for it...) ...people CHOOSE to be gay, but can't choose a disability or race or gender. And yes, I have had numerous discussions about this, but many still believe that being gay is a lifestyle choice. (SIGH)

It's just kids being kids. I can think of much worse insults.

Whether there are worse insults or not is irrelevant, and 'just kids being kids' is horribly complacent. My kids can 'just be kids' without actually insulting anyone, they're far from perfect and generally a pita, so it can't be that difficult.

Look, obviously some children are just using the phrase because they've heard it in the playground - they're not trying to be more offensive than throwing random insults usually is, but it is an offensive term (used in this context) and it is perpetuating a deeply embedded prejudice against homosexuality. It's our duty as adults to try and discourage it, for the reason that have listed and linked to above (or below, depending on how you've set up your MN!)

If you (generally, not any particular poster) think that some of us are over reacting, then fine, but at least accept that a lot of people do find it offensive, and for that reason tell your children not to use it. It doesn't hurt you not to say it, but it hurts an awful lot of people when you do.

'It's just kids being kids. I can think of much worse insults.'

oh well thats ok then

have you actually read any of this thread?

tbh harley....kids call other kids loads of things don't they...fat, nerd, loser, endless list really.....it's not right, but that's school life for alot of people.

yeah i know that punky, but if it was my kids throwing insults, calling names whatever i'd come down on them like a tonne of shit
i wouldnt say oh just kids being kids and shrug and leave it, dykwim

deffo....i hate anything like that, picking on other people for whatever reason...not good....

ds2 keeps drawing swimming pools...i'm not worried that he'll grow into David Hockney....live and let live!

anyway..dude.. trying to add yr new email now ok....

yep grand, im on now

Message withdrawn

Did you see The Wright Stuff this morning? They were discussing this very issue.

One of the parents who phoned in wasn't even prepared to talk to her son about homosexuality let alone explain why he shouldn't use the word gay. Her son was eight, perfectly old enough to understand but she wasn't willing to discuss it.

This to me just reinforces that we need more education around this, from primary level.

I would quibble with it being a choice. You either find the same sex attractive or not. I get that you can choose whether to act on that, but I think the underlying attraction is something that's just there.